So this is how I felt today...UGH...so incredibly frustrated...shocked...and blown away really!?!?!?
I haven't been the best at posting my weigh-ins or whatever...but for the last 3-4 weeks, I've been fluctuating between 197-198 lbs...one week up a pound, the next down a couple and back and forth and back and forth...that's been annoying to me too, but whatever...was STILL under 200...
So this morning...I wake up...go to the bathroom...and weigh myself as I usually do on Monday mornings...granted...I was lazy and didn't take my jammies off...so this time I had clothes on...but when I stood on the scale...I was ANGRY...it said 204.6 lbs :( :( :( :( :(
WHAT THE CRAP!?!?!?! I have been working my BUTT off this last week...crazy exercise...not a TON of eating...but with Easter I did eat some not such good food...and a few nights I have like ice cream...but 6 pounds!?!?! WHAT!?!?!? I thought it was a glich and maybe it was cuz I have extra clothes on!?!?! ;) :) ;) :) Positive thinking I guess!?!?!
Well I went to Zumba tonight...after a VERY lazy day...lots of convincing myself to GO...and finally getting there. I didn't work AS hard, because I have to teach again tomorrow night...and don't want to be completely dead tired...but I didn't wimp out either!?!?! Ran to get milk and bread...then came home...took a shower...and before the shower I tried ONE more time for the day...got on the scale...and this time it said 204.9.... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH :-O
What the heck!?!?! It's not the time of the month...I'm stressed...but not really anymore then normal!?!?! I just don't get it...I've told myself that the reason I haven't been getting lower then my 197 is because of my diet...and I keep saying I'm going to change...well...now I WILL change!?!?! I do NOT want to be over 200...that has been my biggest decision and goal to stick to...that number just FREAKS me out...and I DO NOT WANT THAT...
UGH...how annoying...I made the kids spaghetti tonight...cuz they LOVE their noodles...but I made wraps for Ryan/I...chicken, lettuce, corn, cheese, and ranch...probably TOO much ranch...but I thought it was better then downing a TON of pasta!?!?!
I don't know...I will definitely be paying more attention to what I'm ACTUALLY eating now...and trying to figure out what are GOOD calories and what are EMPTY calories that don't help...if any of you know that or have good ideas...please help me. I feel like I'm back to day ONE and starting fresh again...I'm very annoyed and frustrated...but I also know that I can get over this hump...and see more changes...hopefully SOONer rather then later!?!?!?
UGH....
I'm having a tough time the last couple days...I just don't understand how I can go from having such GREAT days...to being WAY down in the dumps and not wanting to do anything!?!?! I have been reminded of numerous things I have to be grateful for or that I've been blessed with...but that doesn't make my down days any easier...I feel like when I'm so far down I don't see any kind of light...nothing is looking up...and nothing can help me feel better. I don't know...I'm struggling and don't know what to do anymore!?!?!
I have done exercise EVERY day this week...and I know that is kicking my butt...because really...anyone who has known me for awhile...or while I was in high school and since...I did NOT exercise...I was NOT in shape...I have ALWAYS struggled with weight...and so this is still new to me. Even though I've been doing stuff since the end of October...it's still tough for me. I am worn out...I'm exhausted and can't seem to catch up on sleep...but what do I do!?!?! When I'm so down and gloomy...in the mornings, I come into the living room with the kids and sleep off and on until about 10...WASTE of my day...UGH...then I am so incredibly lazy, grumpy, and moody the rest of the day.
I don't know what to do...suggestions would be appreciated...today I went to Ryan's parents house and helped organize the kitchen drawers a bit...and doing that service made me feel better...however the kids didn't all get regular naps and were whiny & grumpy...so that pulled on my patience...which I don't seem to have much of lately. Things are on my nerves ALL the time...Ryan & I can't seem to get along or have much time together...I feel bad doing all this Zumba...but how else can I get any experience or people interested!?!?!
HMMMMMMMMMMMMMM?????????? I just don't know...feel free to comment and say something that'll make me smile if nothing else!!! Thanks for letting me rant and vent...muchly appreciated :)
My Zumba instructor, Shelly, at the Rec Center is starting a new class NEXT WEEK. It's a Zumba Gold® class...which is a low-impact class, originally created with seniors in mind. BUT...it can be for women who are pregnant...or anyone worried about their joints or other physical issues.
She is an AMAZING instructor and truly LOVES what she does...check out her blog/website HERE to get the times, days, prices, specials, and MORE info!!! It will be a GREAT class...I have no doubt...and I just want to help get the word out for her so she can get PLENTY of people there!!!
So if you have anyone in mind that you think would benefit from this form of Zumba® then PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE get them this info...I can also get business cards from her if needed!!!
GO SHELLY!!! :) :) :)
So for those of you who are not on facebook...you wouldn't be able to know or see that I actually taught my FIRST...REAL, full HOUR, Zumba class last night!!! I did it in Provo...at my in-laws church building...from 9-10 pm. I was quite nervous and freaked out...I practiced the playlist CONSTANTLY all day long. I listened to it all day...danced around...practiced with the kids...and thought...OK...I've got this. I was TIRED just practicing...so pretty nervous about if I'd be able to survive the class. When you're the instructor...you have to have a LOT of energy...and KEEP going to keep the class going...so I was worried!!!
I got to the church...some AMAZING friends and supporters came to be there with me...as well as people I had never met!!! There was 23 people by the end of the class...it was CRAZY...I had a playlist of 16 songs...part way through the class...I went to look at the cd player and see what song I was on...I was SOOOO tired...sweat was running into my eyes and BURNING...and I look and was only on song #6....YA...10 more to go...UGH...but I did it...I succeeded...the ladies in the class did AMAZING...and it was FUN!!! I LOVED IT!!! I was so proud of myself...WISHING that my darn watch/heartrate monitor wouldn't have died and have to be returned...cuz I really want to know how much I do as the instructor...cuz I kick it up a BIG notch!!!
So anyways...I did it...I was proud...people came and hugged me, congratulated me, thanked me, told me they look forward to next week...so all around it was a GREAT class!!! Will be doing it again next Tuesday...same time...same place...let me know if you wanna come!!!
Just been having some thoughts today...and I was looking at quotes online...here are a few that stuck out to me!! I am needing to realize and appreciate the people and positive influences in my life...
Thank goodness for an amazing, loving, patient, understanding, and supportive husband in my life...I'd be lost without him...
This one about life made me think...I've had to learn to understand AND accept myself...still working on it...but getting there...
And this was my favorite I think...just keep waiting...eventually it'll turn around...
Isn't this quote and picture cool!?!?! :) I found it today while I was looking at some other things online...and I thought it fit perfectly for how I'm feeling this weekend...at times honesty is hard...and you don't want to embarrass yourself by telling what you really did or would do or whatever...but there comes a point when you REALLY just need to be honest with yourself and all those around you.
I'm feeling frustrated tonight...not only frustrated...but stressed and curious to how everything will work out. I'm struggling with negative thoughts and feelings like things will never work out for me, because it just seems like I've been SHOT DOWN so many other times...so it's hard to get excited or close to an idea...because you just don't know how it's going to work out!?!?! You know!?!?!
Well...not only do I have all these doubtful feelings...but there are people close to me who I am struggling with as well...and as much as I want to be a "Miss Fix-it"...cuz that's who I am...I CAN'T DO IT...and it's killing me. It eats away at me and still there is nothing I can do!?!?! How do I balance it all!?!?! How do I let go of the things I can NOT contol, and let those people realize that what they are doing is really hurting numerous people!?!? I don't know...I just can't do it...and it's frustrating...this is where the quote/picture comes in...Honesty really is the BEST policy...and that's what I'm doing...being HONEST...if people don't like it...TOO BAD...ugh.
We've been having computer issues...so I've got more to post...but haven't had time. So here's some of it at least!!!
On Wednesday I taught my first "mini-class" I guess you could say. A friend of mine who goes to Zumba with me asked me if I'd teach a Zumba class to the young women (ages 12-18) of her ward. I was kind of hesitant and nervous and didn't want to say YES...but Ryan & I talked about it and realized I'm going to have to do it eventually so I better start sometime!!! So I told her I would...and I'd do my best, but couldn't promise anything GREAT!!! :) There are a few songs I feel somewhat comfortable doing...so I wasn't too freaked out!! (YA RIGHT) :)
Well the beginning of the week I emailed my Zumba instructor for song ideas and names...went to 2 of her classes to get more reminders and advice...got songs off of iTunes so I could make a "playlist"...and when I started doing so...I realized that I needed a few more songs then I thought to fill 30 MINUTES!!! I ended up coming up with 10 songs I think...and it turned out being 36 minutes!! WOO HOO :)
Wednesday came...I did it...and the girls/leaders said they had fun...and I had family there that said they could actually follow me!! Yay!! That was encouraging...Ryan was there with the kids...and he was watching...so I asked his advice and got some pointers...so I have things to work on...OBVIOUSLY...and will continue to try and do what I can to make it FUN and DESIRABLE for people to want to come to some classes!!!
So starting this Tuesday...a friend from Ryan's parents ward...(in Provo)...has asked me to come teach at their building. So Tuesdays from 9-10 I will be teaching...eventually I would like to get something going in Orem as well...for now these classes will be FREE...BUT...BUT...BUT...I am in the process of looking for a studio or something to rent out and use to teach, charge, and actually make some MONEY doing it!!! Since that was and is a possibility!!! If any of you would like to try it out and see if you like it...let me know and I'll keep you posted on locations, times, and price info!!! I'm excited to start this journey...and am so SO grateful for a husband who supports me...and GREAT people who have inspired me to try it out and fall in love with Zumba!!! You know who you are!! :) :) :)
Well...I survived!!! I did it...I'm now certified!!! :) :) :)
Friday was a LONG...hard...fun...exhausting...HAPPY day!!! I show up to this Lifetime Fitness gym and there are probably 40-60 women...GUNG-HO women...all decked out in their Zumba stuff...and just excited and nervous like me!!! I texted Ryan when I got there, because I was the biggest woman there...at that time at least...and I got a little discouraged...I wondered WHAT I had gotten myself into...and why I was doing this.
Then the day/class started...got all registered...did the little introduction thing...and BOOM...time for a "master class" of Zumba!!! We danced...we shook it...we sweat...we had FUN!!! It was great...the HARDEST class by far that I have done...but the lady teaching has been certified and doing Zumba since 2007. So she is VERY experienced...she's close with Beto (the creator of Zumba)...she's in some of the dvd's and stuff that has been put out. So she's GOOD :)
Anyways...it was a busy day...from 9 am - 5:30 pm...it was ALL Zumba :) We had some breaks...a 1/2 hour lunch...some sitting time for lecture/instruction...but otherwise...it was on our feet...moving...dancing...and learning the steps we need!!! I got to learn the main steps and moves for Salsa, Merengue, Cumbia, and Reggaeton...it was AWESOME!!! It all makes more sense now...it all seems easier...I can actually figure out songs and choreograph them if I need!!! It's great!! I feel so smart...it's nice!!! I love that I went...I love that I experienced this...and I LOVE that I can go forward now and help others learn, love, and HAVE FUN with Zumba!!!
I'm anxious and nervous to get out and start up...I'm not sure where to go from here...I need to contact people and places to try and get things lined up. I will be starting out small and then see where it goes...I need people to come and help and follow me...I've learned from GREAT...GREAT...AMAZING women who LOVE what they do as well. So it has put even more LOVE and ENERGY into what I want to do!!! Stay tuned for info on where I'll be teaching or what I'll be doing...I've gotta do it sometime...so better start SOON!!!
I LOVE IT...I LOVE IT...I LOVE IT!!!
And...I'm still smiling...:) :) :) :) Yes I'm sore...5-6 hours of DOING Zumba will do that to you...but yet it gave me so much more energy and desire to GO and DO!!! It's GREAT...
You are all aware that I am kind of in LOVE with Zumba!! Right!?!?! :) Well...I'm kind of freaking out...I go on Friday at 8:30 a.m. to certify to become an instructor!!! I have liked it from the first time I tried it back in November...and have had a desire off and on to get certified...wondering if I'd be able to teach it...make any money...and help others LOVE it like I do!!! So...I signed up and paid for this class back in February I think...and now the day is actually here...YIKES!!!
It's a FULL day of Zumba...learning, dancing, lectures, more dancing, breaks, and more dancing!! I think it'll be great...and I'm sure I'll be fine...but I'm just nervous...UGH!!! I haven't been to a "full-days work" since before Klous was born...so to go to something from 8:30-6...hmmm...it could be interesting!!! I'm anxious to get the stuff...dvds, cds, and other info...but I'm nervous about ME actually being able to do it and teach!?!?!
I don't know...just human I guess to worry and have the fears/emotions on a new experience that is coming about. I have people that I know...Zumba instructors who are simply AMAZING...and have inspired me to take this step. So I thank them for their examples, friendships, and advice...but I really, truly hope I can be as good to others as they are to me!!!
Wish me luck!!!
Oh...and tonight at Zumba...I burned 909 calories and 118 grams of fat!! YAY!!
Hi all :)
So I did my measurements again tonight after Zumba!!! I can't always notice the changes...but when I see the numbers...OBVIOUSLY there are changes...so that's exciting!!! Here's what they are at the beginning of April...
Rt. Arm - 12
Left Arm - 12
Chest - 40
Waist - 41
Rt. Thigh - 23 1/2
Left Thigh - 23 1/2
Hips - 43 1/2
Total Inches LOST... - 3 1/2 :) :) :)
Oh...and at Zumba tonight...I burned 782 calories and 101 grams of fat!! :) :)
Yay for me!!! I'm excited to see that things are happening...even when I'm so down on myself and hard on myself.
Now for a venting session...please bear with me...
It's been kind of a crazy week...month...whatever you want to consider it!! I've had lots on my mind...kids have been acting out and wanting warm weather so they can just be outside all the time...Ryan's stressed and trying to do the best he can for our family...and really...life just is a struggle isn't it!?!?! I've really been trying hard to stay positive the last while...and be happy and grateful for what I have...but at times I get so down. I get annoyed and frustrated with people and their comments or opinions...I get upset that we work hard...try our best...and yet still things don't seem to go our way...and more so lately I get upset that people who are the closest to us...they just don't get it...or don't care. I don't know...
I've always been a happy person...I've always wanted to make others happy...I've always been known for my smile and contagious laugh...I've always been there to help others out...and care a LOT more about how they're feeling or doing, rather then how I am. I don't know...obviously a LOT has changed in my life for the last 5 years especially...having kids will do that to you right!! But especially in the last 2 1/2 years things have gone downhill...depression...anxiety...loss of self-love...relationships falling apart with family members and friends...added stress and problems in our marriage/relationship...and more. I can't explain what's happened...I don't know why it's all hit now...and if I knew how to figure all that out I would.
I have a hard time with life DAILY...I have an even harder time with people who just DON'T get it...Obviously I don't choose to be like this...I don't want to deal with this anymore...if I could just shut it all off, I would...I wouldn't wish this on ANYONE...because it's not easy at all...and it's definitely NOT fun.
However...it is a challenge and trial I have been given...and over the last 2 years I've learned a LOT about depression...I've realize a LOT of what people go through who have it...and feel terrible for how I looked at those people and judged them in the past. I realize now what it's like to have terrible thoughts...reactions to things that would've never bothered you in the past...and feelings of ALWAYS being terrible and not good enough for anyone or anything.
I don't know where I'm wanting to go with this...I just want to let those people know who are closest to me...that NO...I am not the Becki I was 10 years ago...5 years ago...2 1/2 years ago...I try each day to smile and look at the GOOD in my life...I fail a LOT it seems...and I complain or say things that shouldn't be said...and I'm sorry. Please be patient with me...please know that in time things will get better...(at least I hope)...and somewhere inside me IS that Becki that people know and love. I haven't found her yet...and when I do it'll be a great day...or even when I come to accept and realize that this "new" Becki is good enough!! I need help...but more importantly I need people to NOT judge and think that there's nothing wrong. I just need help...
Sorry for the venting...sorry for the long, babbling post...but I needed to say something...and this is it I guess. Thank you to everyone who actually reads this and continues to be there for me no matter what. It means more then any of you will ever know!!!
So there are a couple people at Zumba that have watches that tell them their heart-rate...and how many calories they've burned through the work-out. I wanted one!!!
So with my birthday money...and a little more...I went to Wal-Mart and got something that looks like the picture above...the watch I have isn't QUITE that fancy...but it does do a lot. It tells me my heart rate, calories burned, fat grams burned, times my work-outs, averages out my heart rate...it's pretty cool!! It has that fancy chest strap thingy that is taking a CONSTANT heart rate when I'm working out.
Well I've worn it twice to Zumba...Wednesday night AND Thursday night!!! I was SO impressed with the results...and did you know that your body is still working and burning things off even AFTER you're done working out...AMAZING!!! I love this excitement it all brings me!!!
So on Wednesday night I burned...
842 calories and 109 grams of FAT!!! WAHOO :) :) :)
BUT...then I went last night to Charlotte's class...where I work a bit harder I think...cuz there are NO mirrors...and I feel like I go all out!?!? I don't know...that's not the point tho...the point is...I burned...
1145 calories and 148 grams of FAT!!!
YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY :)
I'm quite impressed with my purchase and birthday present!!! Oh...and these are only 1 hour work-outs...so that's not bad huh!!
