What to do...What to do...??????

What to do...what to do??? Oh man...I've had a LOT of thoughts lately. Most of them sad or negative thoughts...but I'm working on that!!! But amongst all of THAT...I have had LOTS of thoughts about what I should do with my "PLAN"...

You know...my BIG plan of losing weight...getting in shape...becoming healthier...and changing my lifestyle!!! Hmmmmm...how's that working for ya??? ha ha ha...not really working at all. :( 

What do I do??? I've considered Weight Watchers...but don't know where I'll pull the money from for that each month...(I STRONLGLY dislike money)...I've considered getting a studio or place to teach Zumba to actually make some money for it...(but will anyone actually come and follow along if it's NOT free???)...I've wanted to go through and clean out all my cupboards, drawers, shelves, and storage...(but that would be a LOT of wasted money...again STRONGLY disliking money lately)...so I just don't know what to do!?!?!?!

I would LOVE suggestions or advice!?!?! Has anyone done weight watchers!?!?! And is it really easy to stick to?? I know I just need to DO something and STICK to it...I've done it before, so I know I can...but what!?!?! I don't know???

Suggestions anyone???? Anyone want to join me and be my "buddy/partner" in this!?!?!

FAILURE...or feeling like one...

So remember who I posted back at the beginning of August and made all these grandioso plans and promises and what not!?!?! Ya...I FAILED...BIG TIME :( So now it's Sept. 5th...and I haven't gotten back on the "band-wagon"...haven't eaten better...or exercised more...just gotten lazier and fatter and more down on myself. UGH...I hate this...

But here goes...I got on the scale this morning...for the first time in a few weeks...because I was nervous to see what I'd find out...and sure enough...I should've just STAYED OFF of it...UGH. So disappointing and frustrating. Yes I've struggled with eating...yes I've been drinking more pop and less water...yes I've been teaching my Tuesday night Zumba class, but that's it. Haven't been walking as much...haven't been going to the rec center...just been lazy. 

But enough poor me poor me...yes it sucks...and yes I've failed myself yet again...but I can change that right??? I can make the decision to STOP what I'm doing now or have been doing for the last 3 months...and DO BETTER. Ryan even just said this morning..."let's commit to doing something...and change"...or something like that...so I know he wants to as well. Now just a matter of DOING IT...

Here's to improving...making dinners at home...drinking more water again...getting MORE into Zumba, because it really does make me happier...exercising more...eating better...being HAPPY...is that really so much?!?!? Nah...I can do it...cuz when I do, it makes things SOOOO much better around here.

So here is another NEW month...I CAN change...and I WILL take the steps needed to make changes...here goes!!! 

***Sorry for the lack of posting lately***

WHO does that!?!?!

It's been a TOUGH couple of days with my kiddos...I'm struggling with patience...I'm struggling with their choices...I'm having a hard time with the whining...with the LACK of please's and thank you's...I'm just having a HARD time with them.
Well this morning/early afternoon wasn't much better. I was frustrated...I was annoyed...I was ANGRY...and taking it all out on the poor kids :(. It was bad...and one thing they chose not to listen to me about...led to a few more BAD things happening and affecting them and their friends...WHEN WILL THEY LEARN!?!?! Ugh...
Anyways...it's been tough...(not uncommon in the life of a mom though right!?!?!)...well my GREAT hubby texted and said he was on his way home for lunch...FINALLY relief!!! Even though it was only 1 p.m...and they would take naps...but!?!?! Anyways...Ryan was coming HOME...even if it's just an hour...it a break and a relief for me!!!
So he gets home...asks if I need to go somewhere...I say NO...(kinda snotty and rude like)...and then the kids continue whining, fighting, and complaining about ANYTHING in sight. I had it...I grabbed my purse and keys and water...and said..."I'LL BE BACK"...kids were crying more and wondering where I was going...whatever!!! 

Well there...I left...I had a break...I had thoughts about what to do...go to In 'N Out and get a shake...go to McD's and get lunch...go to the grocery store and get treats...go drive around and waste gas...(you notice how the majority of my thoughts were about sweets, candy, and FOOD?? YUCK)...well I didn't do any of that...
Next thing I knew I found myself driving to the Jr. High track (where we usually go walking in the mornings, but didn't today)...I got out and was DETERMINED to run some...(not a normal thing for me)...I got to the track...walked a half lap...then ran...well jogged. But I did it...I jogged/walked a whole mile...4 times around the track. Jogging 2 1/2 of those laps...and walking 1 1/2!!! I was happy with myself...sweat and all...apparently I NEEDED to burn off some steam and frustration!?!?! It felt GREAT...and it showed me I CAN do it...I CAN jog...I CAN get to running...I CAN DO IT!!! 
But who does that!?!?! NOT ME a year ago...but now I'll do that instead of getting a shake!!! Yay me!!!

Holy - Guacamole :)

So a friend who comes to my Zumba class has been talking to me and leaving comments on here about trying out this "strength training" class at the Rec Center. I have another friend who had been going, and loved it, but I wasn't commited to going. Until now...I CAN DO IT!!! 

It's August 1st...I've slacked for a few too many months now...and I need to get back on the band wagon. So here goes...the class that works for me is from 5:30-6 AM...so yes it's EARLY...but oh man...my arms are KILLING me after just that half hour. I had high hopes of thinking...sure I'll go to this class, then I'll go to the spin class after!?!?!?! HA...not yet...gotta work up to that I suppose!!! I'm a wee bit SORE!!! But here's to starting out...here's to getting into the habit of getting up early, and doing something for ME. It's something that gets pushed aside WAY too much in my life...and I need it to stay happy...so here we go. 
I'm committing to eating better...less sugar...more water...more fruits and veggies...more exercise that focuses on different parts of my body...I know I can do it...I saw it happen in just a couple months at the beginning of the year. Then I got upset, frustrated, and lost ALL motivation and desire. I need to stay positive...(which isn't an easy thing for me lately)...but I know I can do it...I know there's hope...and I want to see progress and results. 
I've had a new blog given to me from a GREAT friend...and the messages and emails that come from it, really get me thinking...and realizing that I...ME...I am the only one who can choose how I will react to things...how I will let them affect ME...how I will handle them and go with them...and how MY perception of things will be. It's all up to ME...so I've tried to think about that this last weekend. Although there have been a couple set-backs...and I still get frustrated and upset...I know it'll take time...but I want to do it...I want to be happy...I want my family to be happy...I want us to all be happy TOGETHER. Not in our own little bubbles...but all together.
So...here goes...August 1st...a new start...a new month...a new week...a new day...I CAN do it...I WILL do it...if anyone would like to join me and make little changes turn into BIG changes...you're welcome to...I'd LOVE the company!!! :) :) :)
Thank you to all of you for the amazing support...the hugs...the concern...the LOVE...it has all been felt...and I appreciate it more then I can express!!! I've got some GREAT people in my life!! Thank you...HERE I go!!! 

Feeling better...in some ways :)

Well things are finally looking up I think. This week has had it's share of ups/downs...but at least I'm not feeling AS overwhelmed and down as I was last week. THANK YOU so much for all the love, care, concern, support, and advice. I appreciate you all more then you know!!! 
I've taken some of the suggestions and put them into action...I taught my Zumba on Tuesday...as much as I didn't want to...I did it. And then I decided I need to start going to the Rec Center again for Zumba or something...but I just need to start doing more with exercising and time for ME. I'm looking into doing the strength training class next week...however I will have to go probably go to the EARLY morning one...YIKES!!! But then I'll be able to get up for the day and get going...and starting the day out right!!! Then I can also go the the AMAZING Zumba classes at night too if I want...which I do, because when I went on Wednesday night...I think I only knew like 5 of the songs...being gone for a month is NOT a good thing. She changes ALL the songs on me!!! :) :) :)
So anyways...I have had my share of struggles and hard times this week...however I've been trying to get past those and focus on the good things. It gets to be kinda hard though...when you know you have to go do something, and you're worried about how it's going to be, who's going to be there, what's going to be said, what's going to happen. It just get me anxious and I don't want to do it. We had that this past week...I really struggle with it. I want to be strong and just do it for Ryan & the kids...but it's not always easy. It ended up being fine...and we went...we had a decent time...it was fun watching the kids...hearing them laugh and play. I really do love them...but then something has to happen at the end to make me upset. I guess I just need to learn to accept the actions of others...and realize there's obviously NOTHING I can do to change them...but it doesn't make them any easier...so I don't know...it's just hard. But I sure am grateful to have an amazing husband who loves me and stands by my side no matter what. He's truly amazing!!!
I've got big plans of what I'm going to do and start on Monday...since it's a new week...a new month...and I need a new start...I'll take it. Stay tuned for what I'm thinking about!!!!

Struggles...LACK of energy...and feeling like a failure...

Ok...I know the last post wasn't all that exciting and uplifting...and this one isn't going to be either. So in advance...I'm SORRY :) But I need to get it out and voice my struggles so I can hopefully move on and cheer up!!!

The last few days have been a REAL struggle for me :( I'm not sure why...I don't know what's changed...I don't know why things are getting to me...I just don't know!?!?! I'm at my wits end I feel...and it's TERRIBLE :( My poor hubby and kids get the brunt of it ALL...and I'm just not myself lately!?!?! We were planning on going to Logan this last weekend...(which I did)...but I sure didn't do it willingly. We planned on leaving Friday...but come Friday morning...I was having MAJOR anxiety issues with it...and getting real upset and depressed about it all!?!?! Just thoughts of everything I didn't want to do...didn't want to happen...didn't want to prepare for...I just DIDN'T want to do it. So Ryan got off and came home to pack...he told me to leave it til he got home and he'd do it...THANK YOU!!! Well he came home, and I went and laid down, because I had already told myself in my head..."Ryan can take the kids alone...and I'll just stay home...I can't do it...there's too much to do around the house...and I DON'T want to go"...so I went to lay down, and fell asleep. I slept for about an hour...and then Klous, Aysha, & Ryan had come to wake me up...I ignored it all and pretended not to hear anything. Finally Ryan came to get me and I told him I wasn't going...it turned into quite a fiasco...he was upset (understandably so)...Klous came in crying...Aysha was crying...I was beyond upset with myself and I was crying...everyone had said good-bye to me in tears...I was in tears...so finally I got up...packed a few last minuted things for me I saw laying around...asked Ryan "WHAT is wrong with me???" and we left. Literally like 3-5 minutes before we took off...I changed my mind and went. I didn't do it willingly, I did it grudgingly...and I wasn't too happy. But I couldn't let me kids down or my husband down...or the family down that we were going there with, and going to see. 

ANYWAYS...that's a long story...but that is where these feelings, issues, and thoughts have gotten me. I am really struggling, and I"m not sure why. I mean I have ideas...but who knows!?!?! In the last month...I've gone from doing Zumba 3-4 times a week...to once (when I teach)...I'm not eating as good as I know I should...I just go sleep when things get too stressful or overwhelming for me...and I just shut down. WHY!?!?! WHY WHY WHY!?!?! I wish I had the answer...I wish I had the "quick fix" to get me where I need to be. I've been trying for the last few weeks to do service for people around me...to put others before myself, so I kinda "forget" my issues...but it only has been working for a short time!?!?! Any suggestions!?!?! 

I need to pick up on the exercise...I've been going walking in the mornings with friends usually 4 times a week...but I think I like the idea of a comment made on the last post about a strength training class!?!?! I just need to get out and start again maybe!?!?! I miss my Zumba class and friends and instructor from the Rec Center...but this summer has just been go-go-go!?!?! And it's still so light and daytime by 8:30 at night...that I don't realize I missed it until it's after 9 and we're coming in for the night...so!?!?!


I don't know...I'm just struggling...I'm sorry for my venting session...I'm sorry for posting things that aren't all that encouraging or uplifting...but I need to get it out...I need advice or suggestions...and I know there are people out there reading this that actually care and respond and want to help. So here goes!!! Here's to a better week!?!?! Better thoughts...and better reactions...I hope!!

Help...Help...HELP Please :)

Okie dokie peeps...I need HELP :) :) :) 

I'm struggling, and going back to my old ways...if you haven't been able to tell, I haven't been blogging much...haven't really been doing much of ANYTHING that I set out to do back in January :( It's so disappointing and frustrating...BLAH...

So...here I sit...on my chair...with fans blowing on me...and thinking of what snack I should eat...but at least when I think of things, and if they're not the HEALTHIEST things...I just don't eat...or I forget that thought...and get distracted by something else!!!

Anyways...I went back to Minnesota at the end of June...I stayed with my sister who I've ALWAYS loved, looked up to, and wanted to be like health wise. She and her husband have ALWAYS watched what they eat...tried to stay healthy, or in shape...but have also had their shares of ups and downs...health/weight/life wise!!!
So...after going back there and being with them...and seeing how they just decide to watch portion sizes...exercise some everyday...and just make little changes like that...eventually it changes you and you lose weight...you don't want all that ice cream or JUNK...and they're dropping pounds!!! 

SO...I need to recommit...I need to make changes again...I NEED TO DO IT. My weight has stayed pretty much the same...unfortunately...it's still a LOT MORE then what I want it to be...but I know I can make changes and that I can lose it. All I need to do is decide, commit, and succeed!!! Simple as that right!!!

NO...not for me at least...I need help!! HELP HELP HELP :) :) :) I would LOVE to do it with people who are REALLY serious and want to make changes too. People who will be there for me to vent...people who will be there to make changes WITH me...people who will tell me I'm dumb when I slip up and eat something I'm not supposed to...people who will get up and exercise with me SOMETIME during the day!!! I just need people I think!!! Would anyone like to join me?!?!?! We can do it together...we can compete...we can challenge each other...we can set goals to accomplish...we can help each other out...we can makes dinner ideas/calendars together...we can just do it TOGETHER!!! Who wants to...come on...you know you want to!! 

I'd like to drop 40 lbs...at least...not by a certain day...just healthy, daily, good choices/changes being made to make the weightloss work!!?!?! Zumba is GREAT...I sweat like CRAZY...and I LOVE IT!!! But I need something else too!?!?! My body is becoming immune to Zumba or something...and it's not burning off the fat like it was in the beginning...so!?!?! Ideas on that would help too!!!