Hmmmm????

So I have changed in a lot of aspects in my life lately...I'm trying to get back on track and back to where I want to be. I want to be healthy...I want to be in shape...I want life to be good...I want to be able to play with my kids without being winded...I want I want I want...
Well I've also realized that I want to help and influence others in taking the first step...to trying things and starting slow to at least do something!?!?! I have some ideas and thoughts running around in my head...I talk to Ryan about them...and we both have goals and ideas of how to accomplish these things...but I just struggle.
I worry about what others will think...I worry if it will offend them or upset them...I worry that we won't succeed...and I worry that it'll be a total and complete FLOP. 
I know I shouldn't care...I know I should do what's best for me and my family...but I still always think about others. I've always been like that...I always put others feelings and happiness before my own at times...and that's really something I need to improve on. 
I'm sure you all think this is a complete and utter BLABBING post...but I had to get thoughts out. I really do want to help...I really do want others to feel confident in themselves...and I want to do whatever I can to help them get there...hmmmm....what to do!?!?!

Struggling...

So here I find out that I might have Mono...so I slept a LOT this last weekend...no Mono...but have an UNBEARABLE pain in my thumb. I can't move it...ya...do you all realize how much your thumb really does?!?!?! A LOT...

do up your bra...pull up your pants...button your pants...zip up your jacket...PICK UP YOUR KIDS...change diapers...take off bottle & sippy cup lids...hold the steering wheel of the van...open doors...wash your hair...EVERYTHING...I can't believe it...

I had to know what it was...so I got into the Dr this afternoon...he is the Sports Medicine Dr for BYU Athletics...so I told him right off...I am NOT a BYU football or basketball player...so don't think you're just gonna pop it back into place. He was surprised how much pain I was in...and that I really couldn't move it...he tried testing my resistance and seeing how I could bend it...Oh wait...I CAN'T...so he told me what it was...

De Quervain's Tenosynovitis

Ya...whatever that is huh!!! It's basically an inflamed tendon that runs down your thumb to your wrist...and it HURTS...he put me in a splint and said if it doesn't start feeling better in a week then I'll need a cortisone shot and I'll feel good as knew?!?!? So here we go...OUCH...I couldn't believe how painful it was for him to touch it...put the splint on...and do the resistance things...I was hurting so much...I was sick to my stomach...shakey legs...and almost passed out. It was terrible...

This isn't the worst part...I can't take care of myself...OR my kids :( I am so beyond frustrated and have shed a LOT of tears...It's just not fair. Why when I try to take care of myself and do GOOD things...EVERYTHING hits me and knocks me down!?!? I couldn't even put my hand on my waist last night at Zumba...it just hurt?!?!? UGH...UGH...UGH... I"m so annoyed...my poor kids can't touch me without me freaking out if they get too close...and it just sucks...

I'm struggling...I need help...lift-me-ups...or SOMETHING?!?!? I'm not really having any positive thoughts or feelings about any of this CRAP... :(

(now that it took 28 minutes to type this...UGH...)

Hooray!!

So I weighed in again this morning!! I'm down ANOTHER 2 lbs!! WooHoo :) :) :) I'm at 198 now...still got aways to go...but I'm succeeding!! Yay!! Last week was tough too...being sick and down...I over-did it on Wednesday by getting up WAY too early...then going more at night!! I also found out that since I'm not completely better from strep yet...I might not only have that...it might be Mono!?!? So ya...now I have to take it easy still...I can't stop going to Zumba...that just doesn't seem right!! I can modify that and do as much or as little as I want...but I'll have to not do spin, treadmills, or ellipticals or awhile maybe!?!?! I don't know!?!?!
Also...last week I REALLY wanted SWEET stuff...I wanted sugar and chocolate...the pop I had just tasted funny and was TOO bubbly for me!! But the sweet treats!! Yum!!! So I went out and got some of the 100 calorie packs...I don't know if those are really any better!?!? But I feel better JUST eating that pack!! Who knows?!?!? I'm still learning!!!
So here's to starting a new week...keeping better track of what I'm eating...what I'm doing...and getting MORE sleep!!! Oh...and drinking even more water too!! I'm ready for the warmer temps to come...I just want to walk outside and play!!! It'll be here soon...then we'll be complaining it's TOO hot!!! Here's to hoping and having a GOOD week!!!
Next week will have another weigh-in AND measurements!! Yikes!!

Thoughts...feelings...

So it's been a few days...and I've been thinking the last little while.

Last weekend I got in touch on Facebook with a guy I used to work with in Hudson, WI when we first got married. He was a good guy!! Made work fun and interesting...and always had to make comments about me being Mormon...or Amish...or whatever religion I was. He didn't know the difference. Then...when Ryan & I decided to move to Utah...he always made comments about me running into Donny & Marie for him...you know all the silly comments people make that don't really know much about our religion!! :) :) :)
Anyways...that's not what this post is about...I got in touch with him again...and he's made a LOT of changes in his life...one being losing weight, getting in shape, and changing his diet. I was inspired...it's been a few years for him now...but seeing what he can do now just AMAZES me. The workouts he's posted are insane...and are unimaginable to me. No way would I be able to do them at this point at least. 
I said something to that affect to him on his posts...and he told me when he started he couldn't do much either...but now look at him. He has encouraged me and given me some pointers and advice as to how to keep going. 
On his wall in the posts...(and I hope he's okay with me posting this)...he's got big, bold letters that say....

DECIDE...COMMIT...SUCCEED

I've thought about those words the last couple days. I think it's funny how I've gone 9+ years of marriage...and longer in my life...just eating whatever...buying new clothes when the ones I have get too small & tight...getting heavier and heavier...and more and more unhappy with myself. All of a sudden I've hit a point that I'm DONE...I'm done being this way...I'm done living this lifestyle...and I'm GOING to make the changes needed. For me and for my family...

Now that I've hit this point...I have gone in completely...gotten rid of the CRAP in my cupboards...purchased healthier foods and snacks for my family...made an exercise commitment...and am finding out that things ARE changing!! I am going to keep going...I am going to succeed even more...I WILL reach my goal!!!

But now I want to be there and help others too. I want to be an example and help to others!! So if any of you that read this want to join me on this journey...and really want to commit...let's do it!! WE CAN CHANGE...WE CAN SUCCEED...and WE WILL BE HAPPY!!! No better time to start then now right!! 

Thank you Eric for being an inspiration to me...for encouraging and being an example!!! You amaze me!!! 

Spinning...again!!

Well...this picture is about how I feel this morning...not because spin class wore me out, but just cuz I'm tired right now!! I've been up since 4:45 and I'm TIRED. But oh well...it was ALL worth it...and will get easier!!!

I started going to spin class in October...when my friend Amy asked if I wanted to join her...it was something different I'd never tried before...so I said why not!! Well after about the first week...the lady in the picture WAS me!! I was dying...my legs were sore...my butt was KILLING me from that small, little, seat...and I didn't know if I could keep going!!! We did it consecutively until the beginning of December...then came interruptions, sick kids, holidays...and we just stopped. My knees were bugging me then too...so it was good to back off a bit for me...although I continued going to Zumba!!!

Anyways...we started again this morning...we went ALL in and full force!!! We are doing the 5:15 a.m. class, so if we want to we can do the 6 a.m. on right after...do something else for an hour...or not!! This morning was GREAT!!! I thought for sure I'd be dying and so tired like I was on my first day of trying spin...but I wasn't!!! I could still breathe...I could manage with the gears...I could do the "in-saddle & out-of-saddle" stuff...it was awesome!! I'm getting into better shape...the exercise is paying off...and I'm able to DO the work-outs!!! Granted I did take it easy with not adding HIGH gears because of my knees...BUT I still worked hard. 

I didn't continue and do the next hour class too, like Amy did...(CRAZY lady!!)...but I did go do the elliptical machine for 30 minutes...and it felt GOOD!!! I'm loving this...I'm loving the energy it gives me...I'm loving the endurance I have to get through the programs...I'm loving the happiness it's bringing me...I just love it!!! 

So THANK YOU Amy for being there for me...for being willing to get up at the butt crack of dawn to do it!! Thank you for supporting me and encouraging me!! You're great and amazing yourself...and I'm lucky to have you in my support group!!! 

Here's to not feeling like the woman in the picture...but to lasting through the rides and more...and feeling GREAT!!! I can do it!!!

Oh ya...and I'm going to Zumba tonight!! WooHoo!!!

Hallelujah!!!!

So I wasn't going to post tonight...I didn't really want to...I'm tired...and my throat hurts a bit...and I'm just ready for bed. BUT....we had a decent day today...got the kids out of the house...hung out with great friends...and I went to ZUMBA tonight!! I forgot to weigh in this morning and see how I'm doing...so I thought I'd just do it tonight after Zumba and before I got in the shower!! I was worried, because of the crappy week last week...being sick...and not eating the best...

BUT.... 

I got ready and weighed in...sure enough...I'm at 200 lbs!!! YAY!!! HALLELUJAH!!! GO BECKI!!! I lost another 5 pounds...I couldn't believe it...I had to run out and tell Ryan cuz I was so excited!!! 

So bragging time for me...and I had to post tonight before going to bed!! Just another reason to keep going and working...because obviously it's doing me good!!! I also heard a suggestion from someone to only do body measurements once a month...so I'll be doing that the beginning of each month!! 

Anyways...just had to share...I'm thrilled and WILL keep going!!! YAY for me!!!

It WILL be a good week!!!

Ok...so this week WILL be better...how can it not when you see such a cute face as above!!! 

My family is pretty much on the mend...I think...knock on wood!!! We're all on anti-biotics...and actually doing okay!! Not to mention tomorrow is Martin Luther King, Jr day...which means BANK holiday...and Ryan is home!! Yay!!! So maybe we can actually get some stuff done around the house...relax...and maybe do something fun as a family...OH...and of course I've got Zumba tomorrow night!!!

 

Now here's another adorable smiley face!! Doesn't it just make you want to smile!!! You know they say...smiling is contagious!! It's hard to do it without getting one back!!! 

So another plus of this week...Ryan did our taxes tonight...(shun us if you want since he did it on Sunday)...just happened to be convenient and we were down at his parents house. Anyways...that's always a positive thing at the beginning of the year...at least since we've had 3 kids in 4 years...AND we're stinkin' POOR!!! So that was good to see and to be able to plan things out a little more. Which means there will be more talk of 10 year anniversary ideas and more reason for Becki to get in SHAPE!!! WooHoo :) :) :)

 

 

Alright...one more smiley face!! LOVE them!! Just make me happy!!! And I need that lately!!! 

Anyways...now for the main reason for another post on this blog...I've been thinking more about Weight Watchers...thinking about starting up spin class again...and thinking about good recipes or things I could try that are healthy!! A great friend brought dinner for us tonight...(which we've been SO well taken care of with being sick THANK YOU)...but she was so thoughtful. She made a dang healthy thing...and not only that, she brought rice for the hubby and kids...but made couscous for me...special!! Isn't that sweet...people don't need to go out of their way...but she just did it. I was nervous about eating it and trying it...but she was right...it was GOOD!!! So thank you for getting me to try something healthy!! And for lunch...Ryan and I had grilled chicken wraps with ranch on WHOLE WHEAT tortillas. Those were interesting...but good!! I can make these changes!!! I can do...I will do it...I NEED to do it. 

Thank you all for all your support...AMAZING comments...and thoughts. You are all great and so wonderful!! Thank you for being in my life...and here's to a better week!! And don't forget to SMILE :) :) :)