Ok...so that's my in 3 consecutive years...and now...2011 I guess...I have 3 kids...and I'm unhappy and heavy...time to fix it!! I am so amazed and grateful for all of the comments, advice, encouragement, and help I've gotten. You people reading this are truly amazing!! And I totally understand now why they talk about a "support group" while you're working out and starting this journey. It's really needed...so thank you!!! I have a lot of ideas and options to try...and hopefully I'll get to where I want to be!!
Below are a couple more pictures that I liked myself. the first one is at my little brother's wedding...beginning of 2008...I felt good...not completely where I wanted to be...but still happy with myself. And the second one is the beginning of 2009 just a couple months after having Aysha May...I had lost most of the baby weight...was nursing...and looked GOOD...at least I thought so!!! And I thought I can keep this all off and get to where I want to be and have fun with my kids...
Things really fell apart after that. I got REAL stressed, depressed, overwhelmed, upset...and I just shut down. That brought on real depression for me...a lot of weight put on...and issues that I still haven't fully gotten over and keep bottled up. I know these things aren't healthy for me, because when I start feeling down or having a bad day...I eat...I snack...I find things that aren't healthy and just use that to "help" my problems. Obviously NOT helping. If I'm not eating to solve the problem...I just starve myself and don't eat anything...that's not good either!?!?!
SO...now what I need to figure out is how to help these problems...how do I realize that I'm a good person...love myself...smile when I look in the mirror...and love who I really am. I know I have good qualities and other good things about me...but they've been lost by all the negative feelings I have about myself.
I want to get back to the Becki in the pictures above...I want to smile like that...I want to laugh and REALLY laugh...I can get there...just will take some work and time...right!?!?!
5 comments:
It's like reading my own journal. I know how you feel, and I hate feeling stuck, and lost. You have beautiful children and you are so amazing! I am so glad I have been able to get to know you more!
Sometimes I'm unhappy because I'm heavy. Sometimes I get heavy because I'm unhappy. Because of these two things, I think the advice your Zumba girl gave you is awesome, and I'm going to take it. Count up the days you live a healthy lifestyle. Quantifiable, in your control, something to be proud of. Nothing helps you to be proud of yourself like doing something you can be proud of. You already are!
Apparently I comment on everything. It makes me feel like I'm cool enough to be in the club you started to get healthy. Can I be in it? :)
I am a HUGE fan of the biggest loser and I think you are doing great, talking about it. Figuring out where it all started and why you are unhappy. I have also heard writing what you eat down throughout the day. Planning meals and knowing what you are going to eat. Then going through your cupboards and fridge and throwing stuff away that isn't healthy so it isn't so tempting.
You are AMAZING! You have 3 adorable children. It is rough when they are younger and they whin or make the day rougher for you. Maybe have more GNO and enjoy "YOU" time. I know excercising in "MY ME" time. I haven't had it for a few months and I Miss it so bad. You just have to keep writing your feelings out and realize how amazing you really are, being a mom is the most rewarding, most challenging job EVER! I am trying to change my attitude and be more positive. I usually don't enjoy the every day life, it gets daunting and stressful. Kids are kids and they just make it rough sometimes. Finding happiness is the key (when I figure it out, I will let you know) But I do know that if you wake up with a negative attitude it will make your day bad, I am trying the positive route. It will get there and get better. Just keep swimming, don't give up and know your family, friends and better yet Your Heavenly Father knows you and your struggles and he LOVES you. You are a beautiful daughter of God.
Good lucka and I know you will rock it this year.
Find a healthy treat that is a treat to you...like a strawberry smoothie (frozen strawberries or other fruit, ice, and water or milk) or something. I have the same thing...as soon as I put the girls to bed I feel like I've earned something, and I go looking for chocolate. So, I don't let it in the house. At all. If it's there, even in a high cupboard, I'll go find it. So to fill in for that, find something healthy that you like. You can't start your change in how you see food by eating stuff you're unfamiliar with and/or dislike, or it'll be an unpleasant experience. Start with switching out sour cream for plain yogurt (I can't tell the difference), leaving out salt, and having salads for dinner. Make it a rule that every meal has to include a vegetable. I'm not a nutritionist, and there are a million different views out there, but the more real food and the less chemicals the better, I think. With kids around, I always seem to need snacks or treats as bribes, so I find things that I don't personally like, and buy them. :) That way I'm not tempted by them. Of course, it's always good to get your kids to snack on the same healthy things that you are eating.
I guess it's the stress and time that three kids take on you, but the Becki I know and LOVE is beautiful, smart, funny, and loves life. I hope you can find the Becki you know and love, because she's there!
You are getting a good response from people because (a) we love you and want you to succeed as much as you want to succeed, and (b) we're ALL there with you! Being a mom is not easy, and it's a CONSTANT struggle of identity, self-image, self-worth, and confidence. Love you, Becki.
Just so you know... I liked you in all these pics (even the ones where we hadntt met yet!! ;) I love you Becki and am sorry your struggling w this.
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