I debated about putting it on this blog...or my family one...but lets be honest...I don't post on that one much anymore...it's quite sad....so...it's going on here!!!
So here goes...here's my thoughts...
1. My kids...I really DO love them to pieces...but MAN...some days are SO hard. :( The last couple weeks have been LOTS of those days...it's so hard. The constant whining, complaining, dirty looks, talking back, crying, fighting, arguing, NOT LISTENING, doing the complete opposite of what I've asked them to do...it's SO frustrating. And they're only 5, 3, and 2...WHAT will I do when they're teenagers!?!?! YIKES!?!?! I'm just so tired of being grumpy all the time...or yelling all the time...or having to punish and make them cry more because of their original choice/action. WHY is it so hard!?!?! My goodness...and then to hear that they're SO good and great helpers for other people...why not for their MOM!?!!? Was I like this!?!? Did I do this when I was little!?!!?! If so I'm SORRY mom...Ugh...it's just hard. Mommy-hood is HARD...and I'm ready for the days when it's a little bit easier!?!?! Do those ever come!?!?!?
2. My hubby...he's amazing...but I sure treat him like garbage sometimes :(. He's my bestest friend and I love him to death...but he gets the brunt of EVERYTHING...and it's not fair to him. Why does he put up with me?? Why do I continue treating him like that?? Why why why!?!? Why can't I just show him that I love him and continue to show him and treat him like that??
3. Money...YUCK...I hate money. Can't live with it and can't live without it. I know we are blessed...and honestly in no way are we "poor"...but when does the struggling stop!?!?! When can I just feel content in where we are and be happy about it?? When can I go to the grocery store or Wal-Mart and be able to get EVERYTHING we need without having to worry about being broke for the next two weeks!?!?! When will the BIG light-bulb turn on for us...or me...that I'll be able to figure out what we can do to BETTER our situation...or better yet...have faith that things will be OK!?!?! We're not starving...we're not naked...we're not cold and homeless...WHY is that not enough for me!?!?!?!
4. Depression...DOUBLE YUCK!!! I have been doing SO good for so long now without signs of this...and all of a sudden since the beginning of May...I feel like a ton of bricks have been set back on me and I just keep going deeper and deeper. I continue to exercise and be outside cuz that makes me HAPPY...I NEED the sunshine and fresh air to feel happiness...but it's just not enough. Little things are just irritating...problems seem SO big when really they're not...I'm snapping at things that really don't matter. When will it go away...when can I just get up in the mornings and just be ok and happy!?!?! Why does depression have to linger and hang out...I don't like it...so GO AWAY!!!
5. Comparing myself to others...I try SO hard to not do this...I try to look at ALL I'm blessed with and appreciate it. I look at others and their issues or problems...and yes it makes me grateful for what I do have...BUT...it also makes me want to FIX things for others. I know that I'm not the happiest all the time or lately...but I still want to do ALL I can do make others happy and appreciate what they have and who they are!!! I can't do it all...I don't have it all...everyone else seems to be doing things SO much better then me...and I just need to stop. But how!?!??!
6. Family...HA...that's something isn't it...family!!! My family back home in Minnesota or here in Utah...Ryan's family here in Utah...family members that are on their last leg of life and not knowing when it will be the end. Family members who don't really talk to anyone anymore...everyone has their own lives and no one talks. No more family get-togethers...no more phone calls really...no emails, texts, or messages. Nothing...it's so sad. I know I have Ryan and my kiddos...but I really do miss my sisters, brothers, parents, nieces, nephews...EVERYONE...what happened!?!?! Why can't we all just get along!?!?! (Again...another problem/issue that I just want to FIX and I can't)...Then the family that is close...that we still don't seem to see that often...people get "busy" or whatever and things just happen and time passes. Well...soon the time will not be there anymore...and then what will we have!?!?! Lots of "woulda, coulda, shoulda's"....and it's gonna suck. So how do we change that and fix it!?!?!?
7. ME...what happened to ME!?!?! I look at my life...I've gone through LOTS of pictures lately and thinking back on times and activities...we really change huh!?!?! But do we?? Some is for the better...some not so much. We had GREAT friends then...and meet GREAT people now...but have lost touch with the friends from before. Again...people get "busy" and then time is gone. So what can I do to help?? What can I do to change?? What can I do to improve?? I am a happy person...I really am...don't know if everyone knows that about me...but I am!!! ;) I like to smile, laugh, have fun, and have a good time...but lately I'm not. I put on a good show I think...but things are just tough...so where do I find ME again!?!?!
8. Older generations...I LOVE THEM!!! I'm so grateful for the ones I have in my life...my parents...Ryan's parents...Ryan's grandparents...neighbors...friends...people in the neighborhood...I am SO blessed to have such REAL people and REAL love from them. I tell them over and over that I'd really spend a whole day with the "older generation" group then people my age. The mind set is so different...and they just love you for who you are and just really want a listening ear or a friend. I wanna be more like that. I appreciate the examples of people that age that I have...and these ages I'm talking about are 60+...they're just GREAT!!!
Ahhhhh...ok...I think that's about it...for now at least!!! SO...tell me...what is in YOUR heart...blog about it...comment...whatever!!! It is VERY relieving!!! Check it out...try it...you won't be sorry!!! ;)
3 comments:
This was beautiful, Becki, very heartfelt. All of us should do it. Love you!
Your list was great. I know that writing my worries down always helps with working them out and understand which are important and which are not. <3<3<3 from Me!!
(even though we dont hang out much, I think of you so very often!)
Love, Amber
Thanks for being brave enough to join in Becki. Sending you big hugs and love!
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