So it's been a couple days...and today is Sunday again...time for me to weigh in...I should just avoid the scale...it's just a depressing object. I say I won't let it affect me, but we all know the truth... :(
I got up this morning and weighed-in again...I was up a pound...???? SO...is it muscle?? Is it my cupcake choice?? Is it just my stupid body?? Who knows...but I'm trying to stay positive and not get discouraged for gaining a pound. I can tell my body is getting smaller...inches wise...but it's still frustrating.
Here's to hoping this week just gets better...and I continue to NOT do things or eat things I shouldn't...UGH...hate this feeling.
I'm going to be making the YUMMY Chipotle Burritos for dinner tonight....the whole Jones family will be here...BUT...we're using brown rice instead...greek yogurt for sour cream...wheat tortillas...if for no one else...that's what Ryan and I will be eating!!! Changes are happening...and choices are being made better!!!
I was REALLY beating myself up the last couple days. I'm in the Young Women's program in our ward (girls ages 12-18 at church)...so I was at the "New Beginnings" program on Wednesday night. I had been to 2 or 3 different activities that I was STRONG and did NOT eat the refreshments or treats that were available...I was doing SO SO good...then came the end on Wednesday and time for cupcakes. The looked beautiful and delicious...everyone was commenting on how great they were...so I had to try. :( I gave in and I had one...and a half...:( I was so SICK from all the sugar. Yes they were DELICIOUS...and I couldn't make anything as tasty and nice looking...BUT...I knew better.
Well...the rest of the night...and all day yesterday I just beat myself up. I was angry...depressed...frustrated...annoyed...and upset that I had given in and eaten some. I know it's not the end of the world...but to me it was like a "temptation" on the Biggest Loser...and I gave in. :( It wasn't worth it...I had to do 50 extra push-ups because of it...I had to ONLY eat salads and fresh things yesterday to make up for the extra sugar/calories...I was SO SO mad...the whole day kinda fell apart...and I was REALLY struggling...
Then my amazing friend Eric sends me a text...just asking how my "food" was going for the day...little does he know I was in tears when I got his message...because it was just what I needed, who I needed to talk to, and soon what I needed to hear!!! It wasn't anything AMAZING...(well it was to me)...but he just said things like "it's not the end of the world", "we all have days that get away from us, just stay focused, deal with it, and don't let your nutrition 'get away from you'", "you are doing GREAT", "EVERYONE struggles Becki, even me"...things like that, that just hit where I needed it. He knew what I needed to hear...he knew how to encourage me to keep going...and he was there when I needed him most. It was GREAT to chat with him over text...yes I have my husband to talk things through with too...and he's a HUGE support and help too...but Ryan loves me regardless. He's not going to be harsh when I need it...he's not going to tell me to drop and give him 50 push-ups by the end of the day...(well maybe he will, but I won't listen) :)...but he is there for me ALL the time. Having Eric is AMAZING...he has the heart that is needed to get me through my HARD days and my exciting times!!!
Well...after my "pep-talk" from Eric...I sucked it up...did some push-ups...ate a delicious, healthy salad for lunch...had an apple for a snack...and then another BIG, healthy salad for dinner!! LOTS of water...and LOTS of push-ups. I went to Zumba last night...LOVED IT...and I woke up ready this morning to start a NEW day!!!
I pushed through my struggle...realized I just let myself down, but that it was NOT going to stop me from succeeding and doing what I have set up to do. I have goals...and I WILL accomplish them...no matter how hard...what emotions come...or what I have to do as "penalties" from Eric...I WILL SUCCEED.
The end of the pep-talk from Eric went like this..."a terrible workout is better then no workout, some days are going to be easier and better than others. Your strength will build from how well you handle the bad days, and from your support system."
SOOO...THANK YOU Eric...Thank you to my amazing, supportive husband...Thank you to my supportive friends and family who are there pushing me through. You all have NO idea how much I appreciate it...and yes the cupcake was YUMM-O...BUT...I know now not to binge and eat out of emotion...I need to be STRONG!!!
Ok I haven't posted in a couple days now...so here I am!!! Still here...still trying to work at this...still pushing through!!! Over the last week and a half...I've had LOTS of thoughts about my life...my habits...my traditions...my addictions...and how CRAZY it is that I didn't feel or realize any of it...or how BAD it really was until now.
I used to ALWAYS want pop...I'd go through phases where I'd go buy 4, 8, or more 12-packs a week because they were on sale...JUST to "stock up"...and then we'd CONSTANTLY have the fridge full and ready for us or whoever else came over and got thirsty!!! I would look at people who had "been off it" for months or years and think...whatever...it's not that bad. I remember my parents having a "WALL" of pop...Mt. Dew...Diet Pepsi...Cherry Pepsi...whatever we wanted and was on sale. As teenagers it was just there and we could have it whenever....there really was no asking for it that I remember...just drinking it at our leisure!!! I would go in spurts and drink a LOT fairly often...then I'd lighten up a bit and not drink it...but NEVER have I completely been OFF of pop. WHY!?!?! Why do it??? It's not THAT bad right?? It tastes good RIGHT??? Then you see the youtube videos about what it does to you...the Dr's talking about the negatives of it...the PILES of fat, sugar, and whatever else on Biggest Loser of what it looks like in pounds. SO SICK...well I've decided to STOP. I don't need it. I don't need that sugar...I don't need the pounds it's putting on ME...I don't need the dehydration that comes from it. I NEED water...and I will NOT drink it...I will choose water instead!!! Time to BREAK that bad habit...
Now onto sugars and sweets and chocolate...this is a HARD one as well. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my sweets!!! I can do it or...learn to do it...in moderation. I have to. I will NOT say that I'm completely DONE with it for life, because that's not realistic to me...and I know I would be setting myself up completely to fail. I have a hard time with people who tell me I just don't need it, it's not ok, or just be DONE with it. REALLY!?!?! Do these people REALLY never eat sugar?? Never eat a chocolate treat!?!?! Never have treats or M&M's in their house or anything!?!?! Are there REALLY people out there like that?? Obviously I know there is...but I'm pretty sure there are more that DON'T do that...than do!?!?! I have been dang good I think this last 10 days at NOT eating all the candy/chocolate/sugar in sight...BUT I have not completely cut it out. I limit it...like today...I had ONE hershey hug...and then I sweat it off at Zumba...I think that's ok!?!?! Others may disagree???
There are SO many things I have learned about myself through this...that I didn't realize were truly BAD habits...the time of day when I would just SIT and SNACK...same time...every day...all week long. NAPTIME...my kids are asleep or having "quiet time"...and I'm "relaxing" for a bit. That's what would start my LAZY time of day...from about 2-5 I would do not much but check out things online...watch some shows...EAT...fall asleep sometimes...EAT some more...and that's it. SO SO SO bad...and over the last while I've had to overcome that time of day...it has NOT been easy. I have found myself still sitting...still being lazy...but I realize it and I have to get up...I go do the dishes...I start some laundry...I sweep the kitchen/dining room. Obviously I can't do an AMAZING workout or anything, because my kids are all asleep usually and so I'm stuck at home...but I can do SOMETHING. So I'm working on that...I have so much energy and gung-ho attitude in the mornings to just go go go...but about 2:00-3:00 rolls around and I'm BEAT. I just want to sit and veg....but I can't...MUST GET OUT OF THAT HABIT...and I'm continuing to work on it!!!
Sorry for this LONG shpeel about my thoughts and bad habits...but I hope that maybe it'll help someone out there look at their lives...their choices...their desire to change...and maybe it'll get just one person to make a small change!?!?!? Maybe??? :)
The last 2 days have been a bit more challenging then last week...cuz last week I had a guideline...I had a strict diet to stick to. Now this week I'm having to be creative and put a LOT of thought into things to make them tasty but only a FEW calories!!! This week I'm at 1500 calories to take in...and then continuing to work out...exercise...work out...and exercise to burn off even MORE then that to actually lose the weight I want. I can tell my body is changing...I can see where I'm getting smaller...I can see and feel the muscles getting more toned and defined...and I LIKE IT!!! :) :) :) :)
So far so good...week 2 has been treating me GOOD!!! :)
Well I'm sure some of you are waiting for the "RESULTS" post...and here it is!!! I had a busy weekend and day yesterday...but of course I didn't let anything get in the way of doing my weight and measurements yesterday morning!!! :) Let's just say you can all "high-five" the screen for me!! Cuz I'm THRILLED with the results!!! :)
So Saturday was the last day...and Ryan & I decided we'd push through and do it all day til "afternoon snack"...then we'd do something healthier for dinner other then fish, chicken, steamed cabbage/brussel sprouts...so he was working on taxes all day...and I went to Ikea with his sisters...I brought along my healthy snacks and water!!! It was good...when we got home we were all ready to figure something out for dinner...we ended up going to Pizza Pie Cafe...probably not the HEALTHIEST choice...but it has salad/pasta/pizza for everyone...and the kids enjoy the noodles. SO...here we go...and our big thing was saying that we were NOT having another salad...HA...where did I start...the salad bar!!! I had to...how could I go for a whole week doing SO good and then NOT start at the salad bar!?!?! I had some spinach...meat...peas...and vinaigrette dressing. (Which I'm assuming they don't use light/fat free cuz it was STRONG dressing...BLAH...too much for my taste)...then I had a SMALL SMALL piece of buffalo pizza (tomatoes, chicken)...and a regular plate of angel hair pasta...HOWEVER...I could only eat half of it and I was DONE...STUFFED to the rim...plump full!!! I did have a SLIVER of a SMALL piece of Oreo dessert pizza...but that was WAY too much sugar as well. I was impressed...for going to a place that I LOVE and usually WAY over-eating...this time I felt like I ''under" ate for paying for the buffet. I thought I did good...but I can't help but wonder if I would've finished with the real dinner I should've had...if my numbers would've been any different!?!?! Who knows...
Then yesterday...we had breakfast...Ryan made these omelet things...with eggs, sausage, green peppers, and onions...He brought me a HEAPING plate...and I said "wow...good job with portions ;)"....but I could only eat like a third of it...I was STUFFED...then we had church...I had my apple before church...and then came home to have a small bowl of cereal with skim milk before going to Ryan's parents for dinner...his mom was making taco salad...(yes SALAD AGAIN!!!)...but even with that I couldn't eat much...I loaded my plate with LOTS of romaine, red onions, tomatoes, avocado, some ground chicken, and like 10 doritos...(which I only ate like 4 of)...I am VERY impressed with myself and how I can NOT eat like I used to. I know it's a mental thing...and I know I can't let my guard or myself down...but I am very proud of myself for not snacking...not munching...not stuffing my face...just eating til I'm satisfied and stopping. Yay for me...
Alright...here are the results of my weigh-in and measurements yesterday!!! Drum roll please....I'm down....
6.2 lbs
and
5 3/4 inches
I will NOT stop now...I can't...I'm into an amount of weight I haven't been in a LONG time!!! I WILL continue...and I WILL succeed even more!!!
Here I am on FRIDAY...yes...FRIDAY!!! I've made it all week long...I'm stuck to the restricted diet...I've eaten the foods I NEVER thought I would and I've even enjoyed/appreciated them when meal time came around!!!
Yes I've had and done my fair share of complaining...BUT I've done this...and I WILL finish!!! I'm ready for more variety then steamed cabbage at dinner...BUT...I will finish this off!!!
Yesterday morning I woke up and was LACKING the motivation to get up...to do my workouts...to eat what I HAD to all day...so I needed some kind of motivation. I probably shouldn't have...but I got up, went to the bathroom and saw the scale sitting there!!! I decided I'd just check out my progress...in pounds at least...and I was pleasantly THRILLED!!! :) :) :)
Now...I'm not going to say what I've done...or how I've done...but I will say that it's WORKING...my realization that I do need to TRUST THE SYSTEM...and believe that what these people are telling me WILL happen, if I just stick to it and keep pushing through!!!
I will do all my measurements again on Sunday morning...and also my weight...that will be the time I share and show my results...it will show what/how I've done in the last 6 days!!!
Seeing the numbers on the scale yesterday got me to KEEP GOING.
Now...I told Ryan and talked to him about it...and he reminded me that yes I may lose weight...BUT I need to remember that my weight will fluctuate...it won't always be going down...it may go up...it may stay the same...BUT I am still doing a good job and making changes!!! Then I talked to Eric earlier this week...and he reminded me that losing weight/pounds are only a SMALL part of getting healthy...and finally I got a note on facebook from my sweet sister-in-law, who told me that I am doing GREAT...but to remember that there will be weeks that there isn't a BIG number drop...just like on Biggest Loser...but those people just keep pushing...keep going...and keep succeeding!!! THAT will be ME as well!!!
YAY!!! I loved this picture when I saw it...I feel like that pretty blue flower...and I WILL push through the hard ground!!! :) :) :)
So I finally had to ask and text Eric this afternoon to ask...Monday wasn't SOOO bad...but yesterday and today I am REALLY struggling...I do great when I wake up...I get up do my workouts...then drink my shake...then I'm good and get through my snack/lunch....and then I start to SLOW DOWN....I start dragging...I'm on edge...I'm ornery...I'm grumpy...and I just want to lay down and do nothing!!!
Obviously I CAN'T...I'm a mom...a wife...and I have things I need to take care of...so I push through it and try to smile!!! :) But I asked Eric today WHY...WHY does 4:00 hit and I feel DEAD!?!?! I feel like I hit a wall, and I am just struggling. I'm whiny...I'm grumpy...I'm hungry...I'm just struggling...
His answers were obvious and informative!!! First off...I'm only eating 1180-1200 calories a day with this 6-day express diet...so my calories are REALLY low...and by that time of day I've burned off more then that...(which is also a good thing, because then it kicks my metabolism into gear!!!)...but also he asked if that time of day is when I would eat crap and snack...which guess what...it WAS/IS...it's the end of naptime...it's the end of the afternoon...the end of the day when I'm trying to figure out what to do for dinner...and with each look in the fridge, walk through the kitchen, or whatever...I would grab SOMETHING and eat it. NOT good things...NOT good snacks...so......I'm also overcoming a "food/eating addiction" for that time of day...
Yay me...so besides struggling, being hungry, and worn out...I get to overcome these other obstacles!!! Which they'd have to be overcome eventually...or I won't change...but for all of this to hit me at the same time in one week...it's been a challenge.
I'm tired...I wanna quit...I wanna eat what I want...I wanna give up...I wanna not figure out how to make fish/chicken & cabbage exciting for dinner...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....it's hard. I won't lie...
I will NOT quit...I will NOT give up...I will NOT give in...BUT I will be honest and tell each and every one of you...this is NOT easy for me. Thank goodness it's only 6 days...but the things I'm learning about myself in just these 3 days so far....they kinda make me sick!!! I've really formed some BAD habits, and I'm SO SO grateful for the step I've taken to change and IMPROVE...
I've DECIDED...I've COMMITTED...and I WILL SUCCEED :)
So yesterday...Tuesday...was a HARD HARD HARD day. I was so hungry...just wanted a TREAT...felt like the above picture was just following me around and would NOT go away. :( All I wanted was one piece of chocolate...is that too much to ask!?!?!? It was HARD...
I was strong...I texted Ryan...I texted Eric...I texted my sister Kim...all of them helped encourage me and say YOU DON'T NEED IT...BE STRONG BECKI...so I knew I could do it. I wasn't going to give in the 2nd day...how lame would that be!!! But it would've tasted yummy!!!
So I did it...stuck to my "menu" and options...chugged some water...and went on with my day!!! It's really hard getting lunches or snacks for the kids though too...when you're not used to just licking your fingers...or eating one out of their bowls...or whatever...it's opening my eyes to see what I do and how BAD it is!!!
So I did it...had my shake for breakfast...had an apple for my morning snack...then lunch was LOTS of spinach, celery, string green beans, and chicken, with some vinaigrette dressing!! SO YUMMY!!! :) Who knew!! And afternoon snack I had 1/2 c of cottage cheese and some grapes!!! (NOT a fan of cottage cheese...but I choked it down)...
THEN came dinner...what to do what to do!?!?!? Here it is...
Grilled fish...steamed cabbage (which I had already eaten half of before Ryan said I should take a picture)...and a banana...oh and LOTS of water!!! Yum!!! The cabbage was MUCH better then the brussel sprouts!! We both finished it too!!! :)
Then I headed out to THE HARDEST THING EVER...we were having an activity at the church for the women (Relief Society)...and it was "Chocolate Lover's Unite"...that was the title/topic...I KNOW!!! Not fair huh!!! :) So I debated a LOT about going or not...but I needed to get out!!! I went...the chocolate smelled DELICIOUS...we got bags of M&M's and had to answer questions based on the colors...so I HAD to touch them and open them...it was NOT easy. BUT...I did it...I didn't eat anything...I just enjoyed the smell!!! :) I guess it was a blessing too that I had to leave a little early to get to Zumba too...but it was still hard!!!
So I survived yesterday...hoping today is a LOT easier...and that I just eat what I can, when I can...and be happy with it!!! We're on day 3 now...so half way there...really not that bad!!!
Here's to hoping for a GOOD day!!
