Having a HARD time :(

Isn't Charlie Brown cute!!! That's about how I feel this morning. :( This has been a TOUGH weekend...wondering WHAT is wrong with me. Why I can't just PUSH through...WHY I beat myself up so much...WHY I think I'm failing. WHY??? This weekend has been all sorts of craziness. I had a WONDERFUL meeting I went to all of Saturday morning...came home to kids napping...I fell asleep...kids woke up whiny and moody...Mommy was even MORE moody and crabby...had errands to run, and that just turned into an ordeal...mishaps with Ryan...frustrations that just kept building...and what did I do...turned to whatever I wanted. NOT HEALTHY FOOD...(it wasn't terrible food...but it was NOT what I should've been eating, and I knew it)...but did I stop!?!?! NO :(
Sunday was an okay day...I'm just constantly on edge with the kids...frustrated that they don't listen...that they are pushing me to my limits and seeing how far THEY can get...deliberately watching me and doing something they know they shouldn't do...just to see if I'll react...you know...being KIDS. Nothing I haven't dealt with before...but it's all building on each other and it's VERY annoying. I've just had it...with EVERYTHING and EVERYONE. I'm to the point that I want to close myself up...hide in my hole...and do what I want to do and have always done...which I know is NOT a good thing...
Then I tell myself last night...I'm getting up at 6...I'll do my work-out...do my spiritual stuff that I KNOW I need to improve on...get myself ready for the day before the kids get up...and be all ready to go. 
Well now it's Monday morning...my alarm went off...I pushed snooze til 6:15...then turned it off and laid in bed checking facebook and email til 6:30...while doing that I found I had a message from Eric...telling me he wanted me to do the diet from week 1 AGAIN...at first I thought ok...whatever...I had wondered if I should do it anyways. But then more time passed...I talked to Ryan about it...and the fear, sadness, anger, frustration, fear of failure...ALL of those came back full force. I can't do this...I can't do a WHOLE week of this AGAIN...I can't...my family can't take that...my kids can't live off cereal and noodles for ANOTHER week...they won't eat the stuff I'd have to eat...what am I supposed to do?? 
1180 calories a day...AGAIN!?!?! I was so dead...so beat...so worn out...HOW??? WHY??? Is this really the only answer??? Then come the thoughts and feelings of quitting...giving up...saying SCREW IT...WHAT'S the POINT!?!?! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh....
This is NOT how I pictured the start of week 4 being...shouldn't it be a habit now?? Shouldn't I be able to push through without a 2nd thought?? What is wrong with me??
Man...I've got a LOT of inner thoughts and battles going on...that no one else can really take care of...only ME. And I don't even know if I can do that?!?!?! Then I found this quote...and had to post it...maybe I'll print it and post it at home where I can ALWAYS see it???

Sorry for the long venting session...but I am NOT where I want to be and need to push through this rut...climb out and get back on track...I can do it...I think...I hope...?????????