Well things are finally looking up I think. This week has had it's share of ups/downs...but at least I'm not feeling AS overwhelmed and down as I was last week. THANK YOU so much for all the love, care, concern, support, and advice. I appreciate you all more then you know!!!
I've taken some of the suggestions and put them into action...I taught my Zumba on Tuesday...as much as I didn't want to...I did it. And then I decided I need to start going to the Rec Center again for Zumba or something...but I just need to start doing more with exercising and time for ME. I'm looking into doing the strength training class next week...however I will have to go probably go to the EARLY morning one...YIKES!!! But then I'll be able to get up for the day and get going...and starting the day out right!!! Then I can also go the the AMAZING Zumba classes at night too if I want...which I do, because when I went on Wednesday night...I think I only knew like 5 of the songs...being gone for a month is NOT a good thing. She changes ALL the songs on me!!! :) :) :)
So anyways...I have had my share of struggles and hard times this week...however I've been trying to get past those and focus on the good things. It gets to be kinda hard though...when you know you have to go do something, and you're worried about how it's going to be, who's going to be there, what's going to be said, what's going to happen. It just get me anxious and I don't want to do it. We had that this past week...I really struggle with it. I want to be strong and just do it for Ryan & the kids...but it's not always easy. It ended up being fine...and we went...we had a decent time...it was fun watching the kids...hearing them laugh and play. I really do love them...but then something has to happen at the end to make me upset. I guess I just need to learn to accept the actions of others...and realize there's obviously NOTHING I can do to change them...but it doesn't make them any easier...so I don't know...it's just hard. But I sure am grateful to have an amazing husband who loves me and stands by my side no matter what. He's truly amazing!!!
I've got big plans of what I'm going to do and start on Monday...since it's a new week...a new month...and I need a new start...I'll take it. Stay tuned for what I'm thinking about!!!!
Ok...I know the last post wasn't all that exciting and uplifting...and this one isn't going to be either. So in advance...I'm SORRY :) But I need to get it out and voice my struggles so I can hopefully move on and cheer up!!!
The last few days have been a REAL struggle for me :( I'm not sure why...I don't know what's changed...I don't know why things are getting to me...I just don't know!?!?! I'm at my wits end I feel...and it's TERRIBLE :( My poor hubby and kids get the brunt of it ALL...and I'm just not myself lately!?!?! We were planning on going to Logan this last weekend...(which I did)...but I sure didn't do it willingly. We planned on leaving Friday...but come Friday morning...I was having MAJOR anxiety issues with it...and getting real upset and depressed about it all!?!?! Just thoughts of everything I didn't want to do...didn't want to happen...didn't want to prepare for...I just DIDN'T want to do it. So Ryan got off and came home to pack...he told me to leave it til he got home and he'd do it...THANK YOU!!! Well he came home, and I went and laid down, because I had already told myself in my head..."Ryan can take the kids alone...and I'll just stay home...I can't do it...there's too much to do around the house...and I DON'T want to go"...so I went to lay down, and fell asleep. I slept for about an hour...and then Klous, Aysha, & Ryan had come to wake me up...I ignored it all and pretended not to hear anything. Finally Ryan came to get me and I told him I wasn't going...it turned into quite a fiasco...he was upset (understandably so)...Klous came in crying...Aysha was crying...I was beyond upset with myself and I was crying...everyone had said good-bye to me in tears...I was in tears...so finally I got up...packed a few last minuted things for me I saw laying around...asked Ryan "WHAT is wrong with me???" and we left. Literally like 3-5 minutes before we took off...I changed my mind and went. I didn't do it willingly, I did it grudgingly...and I wasn't too happy. But I couldn't let me kids down or my husband down...or the family down that we were going there with, and going to see.
ANYWAYS...that's a long story...but that is where these feelings, issues, and thoughts have gotten me. I am really struggling, and I"m not sure why. I mean I have ideas...but who knows!?!?! In the last month...I've gone from doing Zumba 3-4 times a week...to once (when I teach)...I'm not eating as good as I know I should...I just go sleep when things get too stressful or overwhelming for me...and I just shut down. WHY!?!?! WHY WHY WHY!?!?! I wish I had the answer...I wish I had the "quick fix" to get me where I need to be. I've been trying for the last few weeks to do service for people around me...to put others before myself, so I kinda "forget" my issues...but it only has been working for a short time!?!?! Any suggestions!?!?!
I need to pick up on the exercise...I've been going walking in the mornings with friends usually 4 times a week...but I think I like the idea of a comment made on the last post about a strength training class!?!?! I just need to get out and start again maybe!?!?! I miss my Zumba class and friends and instructor from the Rec Center...but this summer has just been go-go-go!?!?! And it's still so light and daytime by 8:30 at night...that I don't realize I missed it until it's after 9 and we're coming in for the night...so!?!?!
I don't know...I'm just struggling...I'm sorry for my venting session...I'm sorry for posting things that aren't all that encouraging or uplifting...but I need to get it out...I need advice or suggestions...and I know there are people out there reading this that actually care and respond and want to help. So here goes!!! Here's to a better week!?!?! Better thoughts...and better reactions...I hope!!
Okie dokie peeps...I need HELP :) :) :)
I'm struggling, and going back to my old ways...if you haven't been able to tell, I haven't been blogging much...haven't really been doing much of ANYTHING that I set out to do back in January :( It's so disappointing and frustrating...BLAH...
So...here I sit...on my chair...with fans blowing on me...and thinking of what snack I should eat...but at least when I think of things, and if they're not the HEALTHIEST things...I just don't eat...or I forget that thought...and get distracted by something else!!!
Anyways...I went back to Minnesota at the end of June...I stayed with my sister who I've ALWAYS loved, looked up to, and wanted to be like health wise. She and her husband have ALWAYS watched what they eat...tried to stay healthy, or in shape...but have also had their shares of ups and downs...health/weight/life wise!!!
So...after going back there and being with them...and seeing how they just decide to watch portion sizes...exercise some everyday...and just make little changes like that...eventually it changes you and you lose weight...you don't want all that ice cream or JUNK...and they're dropping pounds!!!
SO...I need to recommit...I need to make changes again...I NEED TO DO IT. My weight has stayed pretty much the same...unfortunately...it's still a LOT MORE then what I want it to be...but I know I can make changes and that I can lose it. All I need to do is decide, commit, and succeed!!! Simple as that right!!!
NO...not for me at least...I need help!! HELP HELP HELP :) :) :) I would LOVE to do it with people who are REALLY serious and want to make changes too. People who will be there for me to vent...people who will be there to make changes WITH me...people who will tell me I'm dumb when I slip up and eat something I'm not supposed to...people who will get up and exercise with me SOMETIME during the day!!! I just need people I think!!! Would anyone like to join me?!?!?! We can do it together...we can compete...we can challenge each other...we can set goals to accomplish...we can help each other out...we can makes dinner ideas/calendars together...we can just do it TOGETHER!!! Who wants to...come on...you know you want to!!
I'd like to drop 40 lbs...at least...not by a certain day...just healthy, daily, good choices/changes being made to make the weightloss work!!?!?! Zumba is GREAT...I sweat like CRAZY...and I LOVE IT!!! But I need something else too!?!?! My body is becoming immune to Zumba or something...and it's not burning off the fat like it was in the beginning...so!?!?! Ideas on that would help too!!!
