Progress...kind of!?!?!

So if nothing else got accomplished today...the apartment is SPOTLESS...and done!!! We're officially OUT...and I said my final good-byes today!!! As I was doing so...a good friend was with me, and she said..."if you need to visit, we're just down the street" :) :) :)....it was funny!!! Feels weird saying good-bye to that place...that's where I brought all 3 of my kids "home" to...that's the only home they've known...that's where all our memories have been made since having kids...but now we have our REAL home. A place of our OWN...and a place to make many, many more memories!!! Oh the joy!!!

Besides getting that accomplished...the living room here is ALMOST clear of boxes...almost...I spent a good part of the afternoon shuffling through them and trying to find places for everything. I thought it would be easy...but it's really not...I feel like there's TOO much space here or something!?!?! I don't know. It's slowly coming along...

I tried to convince Ryan's mom that we should do part of Christmas up here or something, just so I can have a deadline to have everything cleaned up and put in it's place!?!?! We'll see how that goes or if it happens!?!?! I'm needing to hang pictures and decorate the walls...I'm struggling with bare walls...they're all painted and pretty...now they just need pictures, quotes, frames, Willow Tree statues...and clocks!!! In time...it'll happen.

Just wanted to thank those who commented or sent messages to help me with my last post. I love the people in my life...especially those who really want to help and not judge, criticize, or bring me down...THANK YOU!!!

Help...PLEASE help....UGH :)

Ok friends...and whoever else reads this!!! I need help...I have taken a major dive towards negativity and depression...and I need a lift, boost, oomph, WHATEVER you think will help. 

Don't get me wrong...this whole buying a house thing is great and exciting and all...but man oh man...am I TIRED...and burnt out...and lazy now...and just want to crawl in my bed and sleep til like March or something!?!?! Hoping that maybe a special fairy will come to my house, unpack my boxes, organize things how I'd like it, and it will all just BE DONE!!! We have to be out of our apartment by tomorrow...the 5th...and I am SO tired of cleaning, packing, moving, everything...but I only have 2 rooms left there and GREAT friends who have been willing to help how they can!!! I'm just tired.

Besides all this...I've completely given up on Weight Watchers...STUPID I know...because I paid money into it...and now it's just gone and I'm just dumb. I took a break from teaching Zumba a few weeks ago, because I just had TOO much on my plate...but besides taking that "break"...I've also NOT been to the rec center in a LONG time. I'm being terrible I know. Not eating good...not sleeping like I should...(staying up late, and up early with the kids)...not exercising...therefore getting FAT again. BOO....not cool.

What are your suggestions!?!?! Advice??? What works for you!?!?! Now that I have this BIG family room...I've thought about getting up and doing my Jillian Michaels "Last Chance Workout" DVD...but lets be honest...I probably won't!?!?! So I don't know...I can feel myself being more grumpy...getting into my slump...and just being DOWN...and it's NOT cool. It's winter time...we're cooped up in the house...and I have enough issues with seasonal depression...I don't know MORE depression added onto it!?!?! 

HELP...PLEASE...Help!?!??!

Trying this first...

Ok...I've been told that I can not accept anonymous comments...which I didn't know...so I've changed things up a bit on here and I'll try this option out for a bit before I decide to go completely private. Don't get me wrong...I was FURIOUS after seeing the last comment that was left on our family blog...so changes have been made on both blogs...and hopefully will prevent smart @$$ (pardon my french) comments from being made...but I've really just had it.

I know, for myself, that I don't check the "private" blogs as often or at all, because it's not convenient...so we'll try this option...and if there are STILL problems...I'll fix it again. But it sure makes me happy to see how many people REALLY care and want to read my blogs!!! I appreciate it!!! Thanks guys!!!

Going Private...

Not cuz I want to...but more so because I HAVE to...I've decided to make my blogs private. It sucks, because I've had my family blog for 4 1/2 years or more...and I've NEVER had issues or problems. Then this year comes around...and I have issues and problems on this blog...remember THIS post...anonymous comments coming that are very much un-called for. I thought we were good...I made changes...protected myself and family a little more...and then......

BAM

It happens again...so I'm done. I can't take it anymore. I can't let pathetic, low, inconsiderate people put things on here and then NOT take the credit for them.

So even with the headache that comes along with it...I will be going private this weekend...please send me an e-mail or message or comment or something so I can add whoever would REALLY like to be a part of this blog. I'll get the invites or whatever out as soon as I get things going this weekend. Sorry for the inconvenience...

I know I haven't been great at posting on this blog...but I've been trying to post more pictures and things on the family one. I just can't seem to find the balance...and now I'm wondering WHAT IS THE POINT!?!?! So if you wanna be a part of this blog and read it...please leave a comment with your email and I'll get you invited. I'm sorry for the added headache it is...so ridiculous...

Been awhile...

It's been awhile since I posted. So I figured I'd get back on track!!! It's been a struggle this last week...trying to figure out what I'm doing...if I'm following WW right...if it's for me...if I'm succeeding...UGH...been tough. Not to mention...the food we have in "food storage" and around our house...are NOT the healthiest, non-processed foods...so it's been an adjustment for me to find things to make or eat that aren't TOO many points. Being poor and having very little money to spend on groceries...makes it kinda hard to actually have the fresh produce and all that around...but oh well...such is life right!! I can still make it work...

Anyways...I taught Zumba last night...I took last week off because of shin splints...and it was GREAT being back out there!!! I love that class...I love the energy...it's awesome!!! The people there are such examples to me...and they just keep coming back...and it's GREAT!!!! I had 41 there I think...it's hard to count and teach and dance and listen to the music all at the same time!! But it's been a good experience for me. AND...I got a message from a very sweet lady at class...thanking me for what I do and how it's helped her. It felt GREAT...cuz you always hear that you ARE helping people...but it's not always from the actual people...so it meant a lot to me!!!

Life is a roller-coaster...and I'm trying to enjoy the FUN parts of it lately...I can't be getting down on myself or things...because it's just not worth it...but I need to continue to go forward and do what I CAN!!! 

Here's a cute picture of my kiddos...I just love them...and I want to get and be healthy...so I can be an example to them!!!

P.S...I lost another pound this week...so that's 5 lbs since starting Weight Watchers...YAY :)

I am RIDICULOUS...

So after my happy, excited posts the other day...I am PATHETIC now. :( I took the kids to McDonald's yesterday for lunch because they were good and earned it...and what do I do...instead of getting a salad or wrap or NOTHING at all...I order a Big Mac meal...13 points on WW...FATTY...UGH...

Disappointment....

Then today we ran more errands and were gone through lunch, and I'm lazy...so what do I do...run through the drive up at Taco Bell...it's fast, cheap, and fills us up...but again...I get a 5 layer burrito...which I found out is 14 points on WW...RIDICULOUS...

Pathetic...

So here I sit....no points left...broken into the "weekly added alotment" and just feeling GROSS....why can't I just STOP??? Why do I have one small voice telling me not to, but 700 BIG voices telling me WHO CARES?!?!?!

It's SO frustrating...

This weeks results...

So...I've been doing Weight Watchers for a week now...and I actually got up and went to the Rec Center EVERY morning last week...and did things in the evenings...so I'm succeeding on this new plan I've got going!!! We did the 5k on Saturday...and I just sat and VEGGED on Sunday!!! 

I weighed in yesterday...and I'm down 4 lbs :) :) :) WAHOO!!! I was happy and excited about that!!! I need to do measurements, so I can see how that is going too...just haven't yet!!!

Now just some negatives to starting all this...after doing the 5k...I have some MAJOR shin splints...OWWWW...they hurt...and it sucks hearing that I just have to STOP running til they heal...it felt so good to run...but now I just need to be done for awhile!?!?! Dang it...
And then there's the other exercises...went to Strength training this morning...and man oh man...that kicks my butt EVERY time...I am so weak and out of shape...with time I guess...it'll get better!!! But realizing I have muscles places that has NO strength...WOWZERS...that's hard to get used to!!!

Here's to this week...continued progress and success!!! I'm LOVING the emotional changes and things that are coming from doing all this!!! YAY!!!

Our 5K....

Ryan works with a guy whose daughter has juvenile diabetes.So every year this guy sets up a team from UCCU to participate in the 5k for diabetes!!! The last two years, we've had family weddings or things happening, so this is the first time we got to do it...and it was FUN!!! Richard had told Ryan there was LOTS for the kids...so we figured it would be good to try out!!! Race/run/exercise for the parents...and fun/games for the kids!!! And it's all for a GOOD cause!!! So we did it!!

We got to the park, and Klous saw BYU's COSMO mobile thing!!! He was so so excited...so we found Cosmo and got some pictures!!! Klous looks a little nervous in the picture, but he was brave and stood with Cosmo!!! Then we got Cosmo to be by ALL the kids...and then after that, Cosmo showed Klous he could do a backflip...so Klous had to show his mad skills and do a front flip with no hands!!! He was pretty proud!!! Silly kid...but he was HAPPY to see Cosmo!!!

Cosmo and the kiddos...and we were even happier, because BYU WON on Friday night!! WooHoo :)

This is Elizabeth (standing next to me)...and she's the daughter of Richard. The reason we were running and doing this race!!!

We started the race...and it was a little crowded and packed at first...until we got to the next street...then we could pass people and go at our own pace. I had wanted to run a little of it...just because that is something I'd like to eventually get to...RUNNING an entire 5k :) So we walked at first...then jogged/ran the next while...then walked to catch our breath...and get through the busy street again...then we ran some more!! It felt SOOO good...and it was great to see I could actually do it!!! We did our 2 laps of the course...and we finished!! WooHoo :) :) :) I didn't feel TOO tired...I was tired but not dying!!! I was just happy that we finished and succeeded and DID IT!! 

Ryan took the older 2 to the bathroom...so Kyson and I relaxed and listened to some music!! Aren't we cute!!!

Then we found someone to take a family picture of us!! Look how cute we all are in our matching shirts...and JUST finishing a 5k!!!! Klous rode his scooter the majority of the time...and the other 2 rode in the stroller!!! It was GOOD time for all of us!!! ...(can't believe how big our kiddos are getting)...

We got the lunch they had provided for us...and found some shade...the kids were ALL smiles...and just wanted to eat and get done, so they could go play!!!

LoL...I LOVE this picture!!! Aysha is oh so tired...and Kyson is SOOOO excited about his hot dog!!! I love it!! That kid just makes me laugh!!! His expressions and smiles just make me smile!!!

And this picture I love too...I wouldn't have been able to do the race without Ryan...I wouldn't have been able to run and KEEP running if he wasn't there encouraging me...so I love him to pieces...I'm so SO lucky to have such an amazing hubby!!! Who could ask for more!!! I love you babe!!!

We finished lunch...and headed to the games and FUN for the kids...it was a GREAT time and so worth our time and donation and energy!! And now I can say that I RAN in a 5k :)

It's a NEW day...

Here we are...ANOTHER Monday!!! A NEW day...a NEW week...a NEW start!!! I got up at 5:00 A.M this morning to go to the rec center with some friends...if I have someone waiting for me, I WILL go!!! We did strength training...HOLY MOLY...I am a weakling!!! But it'll get better...and you've gotta start somewhere right!!! 
So...this is the start of EXERCISING again!!! I need it!!! I've gotten into quite the slump...and I need to step it up...so here goes!!!

Then...on Saturday...I signed up for Weight Watchers...I did it. $65 for 4 months of the online program. I know I've heard that the meetings are better, because then you're accountable...and you have to check in...BUT...I had to do the online, because it has everything at my fingertips whenever I want it!!! Ryan said he'd join me and we'll do it together...and another friend has also signed up for it. So we'll see how it goes. Knowing that I'm only allowed so many points...and that I have to put in my food intake...it's a bit scary...so I'm definitely more aware of what's going in my mouth now!!! 
So...this is the start of EATING RIGHT again!!! I need this as well...and I need the support of family and friends to tell me...BECKI...DON'T EAT THAT!!! :) So we'll see how it goes...and figure it all out!!!

And one more...I came home from the rec center to a QUIET, peaceful house!!! Kids and hubby still sleeping...just me and my thoughts...I got the laptop out and pulled up lds.org. I have to start reading uplifting things to keep me going!!! And I found two GREAT talks from President Gordon B. Hinckley...(former president of the church). It was THIS one...that talks about women...and all the things we do, challeneges we have, responsibilities we have, and so on. But in the talk was this quote...

"To you young women with small children, yours is a tremendous challenge. So often there is not enough money. You must scrimp and save. You must be wise and careful in your expenditures. You must be strong and bold and brave and march forward with gladness in your eye and love in your heart. How blessed you are, my dear young mothers. You have children who will be yours forever. I hope that you have been sealed in the house of the Lord and that your family will be an everlasting family in the kingdom of our Father.

May you be given strength to carry your heavy load, to meet every obligation, to walk side by side with a good and faithful and caring man, and together with him rear and nurture and bring up your children in righteousness and truth. Nothing else you will ever own, no worldly thing you will ever acquire will be worth so much as the love of your children. God bless you, my dear, dear young mothers."

Now obviously this is the section that pertained to me...so it hit home!! And really made my day!!! I hope it can hit someone else too and brighten their day!?!?!

The other talk was THIS one...it's a little older, but you know...the thoughts and words NEVER get old!!! And I needed to read it as much as any other one!!! I know I don't give myself enough credit...I know I nag on myself...I know I need to work on things...but reading these talks and seeing that LOTS of women need to be reminded of our worth and our "job well-done"...it gives me hope. 

Here's to a NEW day, a NEW week, and a NEW start!!! I can make changes...I CAN improve things...and I CAN be happy again. Just takes little steps and little changes!!!

How do you LOVE and ACCEPT yourself???

So that's an awfully "blah" question as the title huh??? I've just been thinking and wondering the last few days. My last post got some GOOD, helpful comments...but the last one REALLY stuck out to me...and then chatting with that friend again...just got my brain going again. I don't really think...ok I know...I don't really love and accept myself for how I am. I'm constantly comparing myself with other women, moms, wives, daughters, sisters...every other female around really. I compare my life with other people's...I dwell on what everyone else has that I don't or may NEVER get. It's pathetic really...but it's what I do...and I'll admit it. 
While talking with my friend Janel today...I realized that she's right...and I need to change my outlook. I don't know how...I don't really know where to start...but I need to change. I've had several people tell me NOT to dwell on the scale...NOT to dwell on the mistakes...and to just accept me as me and be happy. HOW????????????

I know I have an AMAZING husband who loves me for who I am...and he tells me that daily...but I can't say that I do that?? I feel like some days I love myself...and I'm ok with who I am and what I look like...but NOT everyday??? Sad... :( 

There have been quotes given to me from friends...like this one...‎"It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you have." And I know there have been talks or articles from the general authorities about comparing yourselves...like this ONE. 

I guess I just don't know what to do?? I want to be happy with myself...with my life...I want to accept myself...I WANT to be an example to my kids so they KNOW that their Mommy LOVES Mommy...it can't just be a front...or a "fake it til you make it" thing. 

This last quote hit me...I do deserve it...I'm just not positive how to make it happen??? (P.S...I liked ALL these pictures I found to add to this post)

What to do...What to do...??????

What to do...what to do??? Oh man...I've had a LOT of thoughts lately. Most of them sad or negative thoughts...but I'm working on that!!! But amongst all of THAT...I have had LOTS of thoughts about what I should do with my "PLAN"...

You know...my BIG plan of losing weight...getting in shape...becoming healthier...and changing my lifestyle!!! Hmmmmm...how's that working for ya??? ha ha ha...not really working at all. :( 

What do I do??? I've considered Weight Watchers...but don't know where I'll pull the money from for that each month...(I STRONLGLY dislike money)...I've considered getting a studio or place to teach Zumba to actually make some money for it...(but will anyone actually come and follow along if it's NOT free???)...I've wanted to go through and clean out all my cupboards, drawers, shelves, and storage...(but that would be a LOT of wasted money...again STRONGLY disliking money lately)...so I just don't know what to do!?!?!?!

I would LOVE suggestions or advice!?!?! Has anyone done weight watchers!?!?! And is it really easy to stick to?? I know I just need to DO something and STICK to it...I've done it before, so I know I can...but what!?!?! I don't know???

Suggestions anyone???? Anyone want to join me and be my "buddy/partner" in this!?!?!

FAILURE...or feeling like one...

So remember who I posted back at the beginning of August and made all these grandioso plans and promises and what not!?!?! Ya...I FAILED...BIG TIME :( So now it's Sept. 5th...and I haven't gotten back on the "band-wagon"...haven't eaten better...or exercised more...just gotten lazier and fatter and more down on myself. UGH...I hate this...

But here goes...I got on the scale this morning...for the first time in a few weeks...because I was nervous to see what I'd find out...and sure enough...I should've just STAYED OFF of it...UGH. So disappointing and frustrating. Yes I've struggled with eating...yes I've been drinking more pop and less water...yes I've been teaching my Tuesday night Zumba class, but that's it. Haven't been walking as much...haven't been going to the rec center...just been lazy. 

But enough poor me poor me...yes it sucks...and yes I've failed myself yet again...but I can change that right??? I can make the decision to STOP what I'm doing now or have been doing for the last 3 months...and DO BETTER. Ryan even just said this morning..."let's commit to doing something...and change"...or something like that...so I know he wants to as well. Now just a matter of DOING IT...

Here's to improving...making dinners at home...drinking more water again...getting MORE into Zumba, because it really does make me happier...exercising more...eating better...being HAPPY...is that really so much?!?!? Nah...I can do it...cuz when I do, it makes things SOOOO much better around here.

So here is another NEW month...I CAN change...and I WILL take the steps needed to make changes...here goes!!! 

***Sorry for the lack of posting lately***

WHO does that!?!?!

It's been a TOUGH couple of days with my kiddos...I'm struggling with patience...I'm struggling with their choices...I'm having a hard time with the whining...with the LACK of please's and thank you's...I'm just having a HARD time with them.
Well this morning/early afternoon wasn't much better. I was frustrated...I was annoyed...I was ANGRY...and taking it all out on the poor kids :(. It was bad...and one thing they chose not to listen to me about...led to a few more BAD things happening and affecting them and their friends...WHEN WILL THEY LEARN!?!?! Ugh...
Anyways...it's been tough...(not uncommon in the life of a mom though right!?!?!)...well my GREAT hubby texted and said he was on his way home for lunch...FINALLY relief!!! Even though it was only 1 p.m...and they would take naps...but!?!?! Anyways...Ryan was coming HOME...even if it's just an hour...it a break and a relief for me!!!
So he gets home...asks if I need to go somewhere...I say NO...(kinda snotty and rude like)...and then the kids continue whining, fighting, and complaining about ANYTHING in sight. I had it...I grabbed my purse and keys and water...and said..."I'LL BE BACK"...kids were crying more and wondering where I was going...whatever!!! 

Well there...I left...I had a break...I had thoughts about what to do...go to In 'N Out and get a shake...go to McD's and get lunch...go to the grocery store and get treats...go drive around and waste gas...(you notice how the majority of my thoughts were about sweets, candy, and FOOD?? YUCK)...well I didn't do any of that...
Next thing I knew I found myself driving to the Jr. High track (where we usually go walking in the mornings, but didn't today)...I got out and was DETERMINED to run some...(not a normal thing for me)...I got to the track...walked a half lap...then ran...well jogged. But I did it...I jogged/walked a whole mile...4 times around the track. Jogging 2 1/2 of those laps...and walking 1 1/2!!! I was happy with myself...sweat and all...apparently I NEEDED to burn off some steam and frustration!?!?! It felt GREAT...and it showed me I CAN do it...I CAN jog...I CAN get to running...I CAN DO IT!!! 
But who does that!?!?! NOT ME a year ago...but now I'll do that instead of getting a shake!!! Yay me!!!

Holy - Guacamole :)

So a friend who comes to my Zumba class has been talking to me and leaving comments on here about trying out this "strength training" class at the Rec Center. I have another friend who had been going, and loved it, but I wasn't commited to going. Until now...I CAN DO IT!!! 

It's August 1st...I've slacked for a few too many months now...and I need to get back on the band wagon. So here goes...the class that works for me is from 5:30-6 AM...so yes it's EARLY...but oh man...my arms are KILLING me after just that half hour. I had high hopes of thinking...sure I'll go to this class, then I'll go to the spin class after!?!?!?! HA...not yet...gotta work up to that I suppose!!! I'm a wee bit SORE!!! But here's to starting out...here's to getting into the habit of getting up early, and doing something for ME. It's something that gets pushed aside WAY too much in my life...and I need it to stay happy...so here we go. 
I'm committing to eating better...less sugar...more water...more fruits and veggies...more exercise that focuses on different parts of my body...I know I can do it...I saw it happen in just a couple months at the beginning of the year. Then I got upset, frustrated, and lost ALL motivation and desire. I need to stay positive...(which isn't an easy thing for me lately)...but I know I can do it...I know there's hope...and I want to see progress and results. 
I've had a new blog given to me from a GREAT friend...and the messages and emails that come from it, really get me thinking...and realizing that I...ME...I am the only one who can choose how I will react to things...how I will let them affect ME...how I will handle them and go with them...and how MY perception of things will be. It's all up to ME...so I've tried to think about that this last weekend. Although there have been a couple set-backs...and I still get frustrated and upset...I know it'll take time...but I want to do it...I want to be happy...I want my family to be happy...I want us to all be happy TOGETHER. Not in our own little bubbles...but all together.
So...here goes...August 1st...a new start...a new month...a new week...a new day...I CAN do it...I WILL do it...if anyone would like to join me and make little changes turn into BIG changes...you're welcome to...I'd LOVE the company!!! :) :) :)
Thank you to all of you for the amazing support...the hugs...the concern...the LOVE...it has all been felt...and I appreciate it more then I can express!!! I've got some GREAT people in my life!! Thank you...HERE I go!!! 

Feeling better...in some ways :)

Well things are finally looking up I think. This week has had it's share of ups/downs...but at least I'm not feeling AS overwhelmed and down as I was last week. THANK YOU so much for all the love, care, concern, support, and advice. I appreciate you all more then you know!!! 
I've taken some of the suggestions and put them into action...I taught my Zumba on Tuesday...as much as I didn't want to...I did it. And then I decided I need to start going to the Rec Center again for Zumba or something...but I just need to start doing more with exercising and time for ME. I'm looking into doing the strength training class next week...however I will have to go probably go to the EARLY morning one...YIKES!!! But then I'll be able to get up for the day and get going...and starting the day out right!!! Then I can also go the the AMAZING Zumba classes at night too if I want...which I do, because when I went on Wednesday night...I think I only knew like 5 of the songs...being gone for a month is NOT a good thing. She changes ALL the songs on me!!! :) :) :)
So anyways...I have had my share of struggles and hard times this week...however I've been trying to get past those and focus on the good things. It gets to be kinda hard though...when you know you have to go do something, and you're worried about how it's going to be, who's going to be there, what's going to be said, what's going to happen. It just get me anxious and I don't want to do it. We had that this past week...I really struggle with it. I want to be strong and just do it for Ryan & the kids...but it's not always easy. It ended up being fine...and we went...we had a decent time...it was fun watching the kids...hearing them laugh and play. I really do love them...but then something has to happen at the end to make me upset. I guess I just need to learn to accept the actions of others...and realize there's obviously NOTHING I can do to change them...but it doesn't make them any easier...so I don't know...it's just hard. But I sure am grateful to have an amazing husband who loves me and stands by my side no matter what. He's truly amazing!!!
I've got big plans of what I'm going to do and start on Monday...since it's a new week...a new month...and I need a new start...I'll take it. Stay tuned for what I'm thinking about!!!!

Struggles...LACK of energy...and feeling like a failure...

Ok...I know the last post wasn't all that exciting and uplifting...and this one isn't going to be either. So in advance...I'm SORRY :) But I need to get it out and voice my struggles so I can hopefully move on and cheer up!!!

The last few days have been a REAL struggle for me :( I'm not sure why...I don't know what's changed...I don't know why things are getting to me...I just don't know!?!?! I'm at my wits end I feel...and it's TERRIBLE :( My poor hubby and kids get the brunt of it ALL...and I'm just not myself lately!?!?! We were planning on going to Logan this last weekend...(which I did)...but I sure didn't do it willingly. We planned on leaving Friday...but come Friday morning...I was having MAJOR anxiety issues with it...and getting real upset and depressed about it all!?!?! Just thoughts of everything I didn't want to do...didn't want to happen...didn't want to prepare for...I just DIDN'T want to do it. So Ryan got off and came home to pack...he told me to leave it til he got home and he'd do it...THANK YOU!!! Well he came home, and I went and laid down, because I had already told myself in my head..."Ryan can take the kids alone...and I'll just stay home...I can't do it...there's too much to do around the house...and I DON'T want to go"...so I went to lay down, and fell asleep. I slept for about an hour...and then Klous, Aysha, & Ryan had come to wake me up...I ignored it all and pretended not to hear anything. Finally Ryan came to get me and I told him I wasn't going...it turned into quite a fiasco...he was upset (understandably so)...Klous came in crying...Aysha was crying...I was beyond upset with myself and I was crying...everyone had said good-bye to me in tears...I was in tears...so finally I got up...packed a few last minuted things for me I saw laying around...asked Ryan "WHAT is wrong with me???" and we left. Literally like 3-5 minutes before we took off...I changed my mind and went. I didn't do it willingly, I did it grudgingly...and I wasn't too happy. But I couldn't let me kids down or my husband down...or the family down that we were going there with, and going to see. 

ANYWAYS...that's a long story...but that is where these feelings, issues, and thoughts have gotten me. I am really struggling, and I"m not sure why. I mean I have ideas...but who knows!?!?! In the last month...I've gone from doing Zumba 3-4 times a week...to once (when I teach)...I'm not eating as good as I know I should...I just go sleep when things get too stressful or overwhelming for me...and I just shut down. WHY!?!?! WHY WHY WHY!?!?! I wish I had the answer...I wish I had the "quick fix" to get me where I need to be. I've been trying for the last few weeks to do service for people around me...to put others before myself, so I kinda "forget" my issues...but it only has been working for a short time!?!?! Any suggestions!?!?! 

I need to pick up on the exercise...I've been going walking in the mornings with friends usually 4 times a week...but I think I like the idea of a comment made on the last post about a strength training class!?!?! I just need to get out and start again maybe!?!?! I miss my Zumba class and friends and instructor from the Rec Center...but this summer has just been go-go-go!?!?! And it's still so light and daytime by 8:30 at night...that I don't realize I missed it until it's after 9 and we're coming in for the night...so!?!?!


I don't know...I'm just struggling...I'm sorry for my venting session...I'm sorry for posting things that aren't all that encouraging or uplifting...but I need to get it out...I need advice or suggestions...and I know there are people out there reading this that actually care and respond and want to help. So here goes!!! Here's to a better week!?!?! Better thoughts...and better reactions...I hope!!

Help...Help...HELP Please :)

Okie dokie peeps...I need HELP :) :) :) 

I'm struggling, and going back to my old ways...if you haven't been able to tell, I haven't been blogging much...haven't really been doing much of ANYTHING that I set out to do back in January :( It's so disappointing and frustrating...BLAH...

So...here I sit...on my chair...with fans blowing on me...and thinking of what snack I should eat...but at least when I think of things, and if they're not the HEALTHIEST things...I just don't eat...or I forget that thought...and get distracted by something else!!!

Anyways...I went back to Minnesota at the end of June...I stayed with my sister who I've ALWAYS loved, looked up to, and wanted to be like health wise. She and her husband have ALWAYS watched what they eat...tried to stay healthy, or in shape...but have also had their shares of ups and downs...health/weight/life wise!!!
So...after going back there and being with them...and seeing how they just decide to watch portion sizes...exercise some everyday...and just make little changes like that...eventually it changes you and you lose weight...you don't want all that ice cream or JUNK...and they're dropping pounds!!! 

SO...I need to recommit...I need to make changes again...I NEED TO DO IT. My weight has stayed pretty much the same...unfortunately...it's still a LOT MORE then what I want it to be...but I know I can make changes and that I can lose it. All I need to do is decide, commit, and succeed!!! Simple as that right!!!

NO...not for me at least...I need help!! HELP HELP HELP :) :) :) I would LOVE to do it with people who are REALLY serious and want to make changes too. People who will be there for me to vent...people who will be there to make changes WITH me...people who will tell me I'm dumb when I slip up and eat something I'm not supposed to...people who will get up and exercise with me SOMETIME during the day!!! I just need people I think!!! Would anyone like to join me?!?!?! We can do it together...we can compete...we can challenge each other...we can set goals to accomplish...we can help each other out...we can makes dinner ideas/calendars together...we can just do it TOGETHER!!! Who wants to...come on...you know you want to!! 

I'd like to drop 40 lbs...at least...not by a certain day...just healthy, daily, good choices/changes being made to make the weightloss work!!?!?! Zumba is GREAT...I sweat like CRAZY...and I LOVE IT!!! But I need something else too!?!?! My body is becoming immune to Zumba or something...and it's not burning off the fat like it was in the beginning...so!?!?! Ideas on that would help too!!!

Been awhile...

I've been slacking...

I haven't been eating right...haven't been real motivated to exercise, even though I feel GREAT after I do it...you'd think I'd realize the benefits of continuing!?!?! I haven't been too positive or happy lately...just been struggling still...trying to stay afloat...and trying to think of fun things to keep the kids & I busy for the summer!?!?!

Anyways...I'm still alive...I still need help and encouragement to KEEP GOING...Ryan even mentioned the other day that my belly is getting bigger again :( So obviously the lack of watching closer at what's going in my mouth...and making a conscience effort to NOT eat so much junk...is having an effect on me...and it's not a good one...I'm gaining all the weight back that I've worked so hard to lose the last few months...and soon the inches will be coming back on too if I'm not careful...so it kinda makes the last few months seem worthless...

So here's to GETTING BACK ON TRACK...eating better...being more active...looking for the positive...and being HAPPY...only I can change things...and even if that means taking things one second, minute, hour, day, or whatever at a time!!! I can do it...so here goes!!!

And thank goodness I have an amazing best friend, husband, and example in my life...to keep me going and love me even with all my issues and struggles...I LOVE YOU BABE...

 

Struggles...stresses...and blessings...

So our laptop got a virus or something...and has died. Which means the only way I have to do anything online is to use our iPhone. Isn't isn't easy or convenient, but at least it's a way to connect huh?!?! But without the laptop...I'm not able to upload my bodybugg, blog, or put in my food diary stuff. It kinda sucks...which leads me to this post. Life the last few weeks has been tough...and yet ok...hard...but still good. I've struggled with my depression again...I've been harder on the kids...doing worse with eating and being healthy...and not really seeing much of the positive or blessings I have in my life. It hasn't been fun...and I just wish these ruts and struggles would go away. I just thought I'd make a small list o my stresses and struggles...
•this rain
•money
•the rain
•being cooped in a small apartment
•hyper, ancy kids who are sick being inside
•RAIN
•my eating choices and not being stronger to say NO
•my scale
•others who seem to get everything and we work and work and still nothing
•oh...and how about the RAIN
Seriosly it's been rainin here for like 35-40 of the last 55. It makes it really hard to have any ambition...any energy...any happiness...it's just been crappy. The sunshine really does make life better...does make me happier...and does help. However it hasn't been around lately...ugh.
Anyways...I'm sorry for the lack of posting...but hopefully things will look up and start to get better here!!! I do have so much to be grateful for...it's just hard to see it when I'm so down.

LOVE it!!!

I just had to post on here...since I said I would...and haven't yet...well I havent' done all my weigh-in/measurement stuff...BUT...I have to say...

I LOVE MY BODYBUGG!!! I would suggest them to anyone who is trying to lose weight or is working on it!! Yes...they are expensive...BUT...to get online and see how many calories I burn throughout the day...doing EVERYDAY things...i.e.-carrying Kyson, laundry, dishes, grocery shopping, going for walks with kids, playing with kids, making dinner, ZUMBA, watching TV, laughing...ANYTHING I am doing and it burning calories...it's awesome...it graphs it all out to show you when you're burning the most and how many a minute you're burning...I think it's cool!!!
THEN...you go in and log what you've eaten during the day...and it figured out the calories you've eaten. It breaks it down also in to protiens, fats, & carbs too...so you can see where the food you're eating fits!! Pretty cool if you ask me!!!

Anyways...just had to share that I have burned over 3000 calories the last few days...and I've only taken in right around 1900...so I'm having my "deficit" like I'm supposed to...HOWEVER...I don't think I'm eating the right foods or getting enough GOOD calories...because today I was REALLY dragging...I couldn't wake up...and when I was awake...I was shaky and dizzy kind of!?!?! I don't know...I need to make a menu and figure out what to eat, when to eat, and have it still be healthy!?!?!
Hmmmm...advice anyone!?!?! Yay for Zumba & bodybugg though!!! I LOVE THEM!!!

New Toy...and MUCH needed Zumba!!

So I got a new toy...a late birthday present/early Mother's Day gift!!! I have had it sitting on the couch while I've been recovering from my dental surgery STUFF ;) But last night I finally pulled it out again and looked at it, read up on it, set it all up...and now I officially have a REAL, LIVE...

BODYBUGG :) :) :) I feel like a Biggest Loser!!!

This is what it looks like...

Well...I got it all set up and checked out the website it goes along with, that I got a free 12-month subscription when I bought the bodybugg...and it's pretty cool!!! I like this thing, because it keeps track of the calories you burn AND the calories you take in...so not only when I'm exercising is it tracking it...but also what I'm taking in!!! Not to mention...I don't have to be doing Zumba, spin, or treadmills or anything else...I can simply be shopping at Wal-Mart...or doing laundry...or cleaning the house...or carrying my kids around...or making dinner...all those things we do throughout the day that is also helping us burn calories...it tracks it!! SWEET huh!!! I think so!!!
So today...I logged all my calories/food I ate...(kind of disappointing)...I have things to definitely work on!!! But with all I took in and what I burned throughout the day...I had a 1222 calorie DEFICIT!!! WOO HOO :) :) So I burned MORE then I took in...hooray for me!!! I think I will really like this new toy!!! Thanks babe!!! :) :) :) 


And after having a pretty crappy week...being in pain STILL...and just not having much energy or desire to do anything that might cause more pain to my body...I didn't do Zumba last week :( BLAH...and it sucked let me tell you. I did go on Monday night, but I didn't do it like I usually do...I took it easy...and was actually pathetic!!! I THOROUGHLY enjoyed tonight SO much more!!! I was back at it...and ready to go!! I've been nervous about getting into it again, because I didn't do great last week with eating...exercising...or anything...just did REAL good at being lazy...eating junk...and laying around...SO!?!?! But it wasn't so bad tonight...and I actually had a GREAT time!! Truly LOVE my Zumba instructor, friends, and energy that comes from that class!!! LOVE IT!!!  So I get to teach tomorrow night...and it'll be fine I'm sure...but missing a week of teaching...and just coming back after a lazy week...it'll be tiring I'm sure...there's a quote posted on the wall at the Rec Center...don't know if I've posted it on here before or not...BUT...it says...

"7 days without exercise makes one WEAK"...

And I couldn't agree more...I'm feeling it...and I just need to get back into the swing of things!!! So here goes!! Take it and RUN!!! Can't wait for what this new toy will help my accomplish...and what my love for Zumba will do!! I am thinking I need to change things up too and add something different!?!? Spin class again...or running (which I haven't started or gotten into yet :( terrible huh?!!?)...or something different to help my body use different muscles or something to help trim me down too!?!? I don't know?!??! Suggestions!?!?!

Anyways...I will be posting tomorrow or Wednesday my newest measurements and weigh-in...so stay tuned for that!!!

Bump in the road...and then another...oh and one more too :)

So this last week has been a TOUGH one, and I don't wish it on anyone else. I feel like I was doing good and helping others out and serving them in a way...but then it all comes back and hits me just as hard!?!?! Maybe it's because I wasn't doing it completely humbly!??!?! I don't know...

Well we've had a few bumps in my road this last week...more then the usual...sick kids, teething baby, allergy kids, and so on...last Tuesday we got a call from Ryan's mom that his sister in Logan was having another struggle...so on Wednesday morning I called to see what I could do to help...I was told "nothing"...so ok. I tried...then a little bit later I got a call from his sister asking if I'd come stay up there with her 2 yr old to help out...I thought...Hmmm, instead of bringing FOUR more kids (my 3 and my 11 yr old niece) up there to their place...how about I just load one more sweetie into my van and bring her down here so Mommy/new baby can rest and relax and recover without interruptions!?!?! Erin was ok with that...so we packed up the kids and took off for a road trip to Logan :) Yes, it was a "bump" in the road, but one that I was VERY grateful I was able to help with and be there when it was needed.

Well then came Friday...still had the 2 extra nieces for the week, which wasn't really a problem at all...it was fun and entertaining for the kids!!! But I had a dentist appt scheduled...and not a "normal" "routine" appointment :( It was a "fixing an already done root canal" appointment. :( It was SOOOO not fun...I don't remember the technical name for it...but they cut your gums, pull the tissue away from the teeth, cut off the bottoms of the roots that are getting infected, scoop out the infection in the jaw/gums, plug it all back up, and push together to be stitched up. :) :) Sounds fun huh!! Well it wasn't...they said mine was worse then they've seen in a long time...there was a LOT of blood...there was a LOT of Novocaine...there was a LOT of pain after it all wore off...there was a LOT of swelling...and it just HURT :(

I've pretty much felt like this since Friday afternoon :( Having ice on my face...swelling is slowly going down...only supposed to be eating pudding, ice cream, yogurt, shakes...you know REAL healthy stuff!?!?! Not supposed to lift anything heavier then a jug of milk...(guess that cuts out my 27 lb Kyson...AND the 2 2 yr olds I had this weekend too )...thank goodness for Auntie Shauna, Gramma Jones, and most of all...my amazing hubby Ryan!!! Now I've got yucky stitches in my mouth...a sore incision thing...ya...it hurts and I don't wish it on ANYONE...I've even had to cancel Zumba for tomorrow night :( BLAH...

Well...that was the 2nd bump...that is now going on day 4+ of being painful and annoying. 

Then comes the last bump...with all this GREAT help and stuff Ryan has been doing...he's come down with something :( Poor guy...I try to get him to lay down and rest, but he refuses cuz he doesn't want to seem like a "baby" since I just had "surgery" and he's just sick...I appreciate him so much more then her knows I think. I'm so glad he's willing to take the kids for a day so I can sleep or rest...or that even though he's not feeling the best, he'll play with the kids and keep them entertained when I need a break...I hope he'll be better SOON...cuz we all need to get over our issues...and I'm hoping he realizes how truly lucky I am to have a GREAT hubby who actually steps up when it's needed most!! I LOVE YOU BABE :) :) :)

Here's to hoping for a better week this week...AND that the scale doesn't add on TOO many pounds for the pudding, yogurt, and ice cream I've been eating...YIKES :) :) :) 

Frustrated....grrrrr....

So this is how I felt today...UGH...so incredibly frustrated...shocked...and blown away really!?!?!?
I haven't been the best at posting my weigh-ins or whatever...but for the last 3-4 weeks, I've been fluctuating between 197-198 lbs...one week up a pound, the next down a couple and back and forth and back and forth...that's been annoying to me too, but whatever...was STILL under 200...
So this morning...I wake up...go to the bathroom...and weigh myself as I usually do on Monday mornings...granted...I was lazy and didn't take my jammies off...so this time I had clothes on...but when I stood on the scale...I was ANGRY...it said 204.6 lbs :( :( :( :( :( 
WHAT THE CRAP!?!?!?! I have been working my BUTT off this last week...crazy exercise...not a TON of eating...but with Easter I did eat some not such good food...and a few nights I have like ice cream...but 6 pounds!?!?! WHAT!?!?!? I thought it was a glich and maybe it was cuz I have extra clothes on!?!?! ;) :) ;) :) Positive thinking I guess!?!?!
Well I went to Zumba tonight...after a VERY lazy day...lots of convincing myself to GO...and finally getting there. I didn't work AS hard, because I have to teach again tomorrow night...and don't want to be completely dead tired...but I didn't wimp out either!?!?! Ran to get milk and bread...then came home...took a shower...and before the shower I tried ONE more time for the day...got on the scale...and this time it said 204.9.... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH :-O
What the heck!?!?! It's not the time of the month...I'm stressed...but not really anymore then normal!?!?! I just don't get it...I've told myself that the reason I haven't been getting lower then my 197 is because of my diet...and I keep saying I'm going to change...well...now I WILL change!?!?! I do NOT want to be over 200...that has been my biggest decision and goal to stick to...that number just FREAKS me out...and I DO NOT WANT THAT...
UGH...how annoying...I made the kids spaghetti tonight...cuz they LOVE their noodles...but I made wraps for Ryan/I...chicken, lettuce, corn, cheese, and ranch...probably TOO much ranch...but I thought it was better then downing a TON of pasta!?!?!
I don't know...I will definitely be paying more attention to what I'm ACTUALLY eating now...and trying to figure out what are GOOD calories and what are EMPTY calories that don't help...if any of you know that or have good ideas...please help me. I feel like I'm back to day ONE and starting fresh again...I'm very annoyed and frustrated...but I also know that I can get over this hump...and see more changes...hopefully SOONer rather then later!?!?!?

UGH....

Downer...yep...that's me...

I'm having a tough time the last couple days...I just don't understand how I can go from having such GREAT days...to being WAY down in the dumps and not wanting to do anything!?!?! I have been reminded of numerous things I have to be grateful for or that I've been blessed with...but that doesn't make my down days any easier...I feel like when I'm so far down I don't see any kind of light...nothing is looking up...and nothing can help me feel better. I don't know...I'm struggling and don't know what to do anymore!?!?! 

I have done exercise EVERY day this week...and I know that is kicking my butt...because really...anyone who has known me for awhile...or while I was in high school and since...I did NOT exercise...I was NOT in shape...I have ALWAYS struggled with weight...and so this is still new to me. Even though I've been doing stuff since the end of October...it's still tough for me. I am worn out...I'm exhausted and can't seem to catch up on sleep...but what do I do!?!?! When I'm so down and gloomy...in the mornings, I come into the living room with the kids and sleep off and on until about 10...WASTE of my day...UGH...then I am so incredibly lazy, grumpy, and moody the rest of the day. 

I don't know what to do...suggestions would be appreciated...today I went to Ryan's parents house and helped organize the kitchen drawers a bit...and doing that service made me feel better...however the kids didn't all get regular naps and were whiny & grumpy...so that pulled on my patience...which I don't seem to have much of lately. Things are on my nerves ALL the time...Ryan & I can't seem to get along or have much time together...I feel bad doing all this Zumba...but how else can I get any experience or people interested!?!?!

HMMMMMMMMMMMMMM?????????? I just don't know...feel free to comment and say something that'll make me smile if nothing else!!! Thanks for letting me rant and vent...muchly appreciated :)

Spread the word...and the LOVE!!!

My Zumba instructor, Shelly, at the Rec Center is starting a new class NEXT WEEK. It's a Zumba Gold® class...which is a low-impact class, originally created with seniors in mind. BUT...it can be for women who are pregnant...or anyone worried about their joints or other physical issues.
She is an AMAZING instructor and truly LOVES what she does...check out her blog/website HERE to get the times, days, prices, specials, and MORE info!!! It will be a GREAT class...I have no doubt...and I just want to help get the word out for her so she can get PLENTY of people there!!!
So if you have anyone in mind that you think would benefit from this form of Zumba® then PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE get them this info...I can also get business cards from her if needed!!!


GO SHELLY!!! :) :) :)

I DID IT!!!!

So for those of you who are not on facebook...you wouldn't be able to know or see that I actually taught my FIRST...REAL, full HOUR, Zumba class last night!!! I did it in Provo...at my in-laws church building...from 9-10 pm. I was quite nervous and freaked out...I practiced the playlist CONSTANTLY all day long. I listened to it all day...danced around...practiced with the kids...and thought...OK...I've got this. I was TIRED just practicing...so pretty nervous about if I'd be able to survive the class. When you're the instructor...you have to have a LOT of energy...and KEEP going to keep the class going...so I was worried!!! 

I got to the church...some AMAZING friends and supporters came to be there with me...as well as people I had never met!!! There was 23 people by the end of the class...it was CRAZY...I had a playlist of 16 songs...part way through the class...I went to look at the cd player and see what song I was on...I was SOOOO tired...sweat was running into my eyes and BURNING...and I look and was only on song #6....YA...10 more to go...UGH...but I did it...I succeeded...the ladies in the class did AMAZING...and it was FUN!!! I LOVED IT!!! I was so proud of myself...WISHING that my darn watch/heartrate monitor wouldn't have died and have to be returned...cuz I really want to know how much I do as the instructor...cuz I kick it up a BIG notch!!! 

So anyways...I did it...I was proud...people came and hugged me, congratulated me, thanked me, told me they look forward to next week...so all around it was a GREAT class!!! Will be doing it again next Tuesday...same time...same place...let me know if you wanna come!!!

Quotes...

Just been having some thoughts today...and I was looking at quotes online...here are a few that stuck out to me!! I am needing to realize and appreciate the people and positive influences in my life...

Thank goodness for an amazing, loving, patient, understanding, and supportive husband in my life...I'd be lost without him...

This one about life made me think...I've had to learn to understand AND accept myself...still working on it...but getting there...

And this was my favorite I think...just keep waiting...eventually it'll turn around...

Frustration...

Isn't this quote and picture cool!?!?! :) I found it today while I was looking at some other things online...and I thought it fit perfectly for how I'm feeling this weekend...at times honesty is hard...and you don't want to embarrass yourself by telling what you really did or would do or whatever...but there comes a point when you REALLY just need to be honest with yourself and all those around you.

I'm feeling frustrated tonight...not only frustrated...but stressed and curious to how everything will work out. I'm struggling with negative thoughts and feelings like things will never work out for me, because it just seems like I've been SHOT DOWN so many other times...so it's hard to get excited or close to an idea...because you just don't know how it's going to work out!?!?! You know!?!?! 

Well...not only do I have all these doubtful feelings...but there are people close to me who I am struggling with as well...and as much as I want to be a "Miss Fix-it"...cuz that's who I am...I CAN'T DO IT...and it's killing me. It eats away at me and still there is nothing I can do!?!?! How do I balance it all!?!?! How do I let go of the things I can NOT contol, and let those people realize that what they are doing is really hurting numerous people!?!? I don't know...I just can't do it...and it's frustrating...this is where the quote/picture comes in...Honesty really is the BEST policy...and that's what I'm doing...being HONEST...if people don't like it...TOO BAD...ugh.

First class...and more to come!!! :) :) :)

We've been having computer issues...so I've got more to post...but haven't had time. So here's some of it at least!!!

On Wednesday I taught my first "mini-class" I guess you could say. A friend of mine who goes to Zumba with me asked me if I'd teach a Zumba class to the young women (ages 12-18) of her ward. I was kind of hesitant and nervous and didn't want to say YES...but Ryan & I talked about it and realized I'm going to have to do it eventually so I better start sometime!!! So I told her I would...and I'd do my best, but couldn't promise anything GREAT!!! :) There are a few songs I feel somewhat comfortable doing...so I wasn't too freaked out!! (YA RIGHT) :) 

Well the beginning of the week I emailed my Zumba instructor for song ideas and names...went to 2 of her classes to get more reminders and advice...got songs off of iTunes so I could make a "playlist"...and when I started doing so...I realized that I needed a few more songs then I thought to fill 30 MINUTES!!! I ended up coming up with 10 songs I think...and it turned out being 36 minutes!! WOO HOO :) 

Wednesday came...I did it...and the girls/leaders said they had fun...and I had family there that said they could actually follow me!! Yay!! That was encouraging...Ryan was there with the kids...and he was watching...so I asked his advice and got some pointers...so I have things to work on...OBVIOUSLY...and will continue to try and do what I can to make it FUN and DESIRABLE for people to want to come to some classes!!!

So starting this Tuesday...a friend from Ryan's parents ward...(in Provo)...has asked me to come teach at their building. So Tuesdays from 9-10 I will be teaching...eventually I would like to get something going in Orem as well...for now these classes will be FREE...BUT...BUT...BUT...I am in the process of looking for a studio or something to rent out and use to teach, charge, and actually make some MONEY doing it!!! Since that was and is a possibility!!! If any of you would like to try it out and see if you like it...let me know and I'll keep you posted on locations, times, and price info!!! I'm excited to start this journey...and am so SO grateful for a husband who supports me...and GREAT people who have inspired me to try it out and fall in love with Zumba!!! You know who you are!! :) :) :)

I did it...I LOVE ZUMBA!!!

Well...I survived!!! I did it...I'm now certified!!! :) :) :) 

Friday was a LONG...hard...fun...exhausting...HAPPY day!!! I show up to this Lifetime Fitness gym and there are probably 40-60 women...GUNG-HO women...all decked out in their Zumba stuff...and just excited and nervous like me!!! I texted Ryan when I got there, because I was the biggest woman there...at that time at least...and I got a little discouraged...I wondered WHAT I had gotten myself into...and why I was doing this.
Then the day/class started...got all registered...did the little introduction thing...and BOOM...time for a "master class" of Zumba!!! We danced...we shook it...we sweat...we had FUN!!! It was great...the HARDEST class by far that I have done...but the lady teaching has been certified and doing Zumba since 2007. So she is VERY experienced...she's close with Beto (the creator of Zumba)...she's in some of the dvd's and stuff that has been put out. So she's GOOD :) 
Anyways...it was a busy day...from 9 am - 5:30 pm...it was ALL Zumba :) We had some breaks...a 1/2 hour lunch...some sitting time for lecture/instruction...but otherwise...it was on our feet...moving...dancing...and learning the steps we need!!! I got to learn the main steps and moves for Salsa, Merengue, Cumbia, and Reggaeton...it was AWESOME!!! It all makes more sense now...it all seems easier...I can actually figure out songs and choreograph them if I need!!! It's great!! I feel so smart...it's nice!!! I love that I went...I love that I experienced this...and I LOVE that I can go forward now and help others learn, love, and HAVE FUN with Zumba!!! 
I'm anxious and nervous to get out and start up...I'm not sure where to go from here...I need to contact people and places to try and get things lined up. I will be starting out small and then see where it goes...I need people to come and help and follow me...I've learned from GREAT...GREAT...AMAZING women who LOVE what they do as well. So it has put even more LOVE and ENERGY into what I want to do!!! Stay tuned for info on where I'll be teaching or what I'll be doing...I've gotta do it sometime...so better start SOON!!!
I LOVE IT...I LOVE IT...I LOVE IT!!! 

And...I'm still smiling...:) :) :) :) Yes I'm sore...5-6 hours of DOING Zumba will do that to you...but yet it gave me so much more energy and desire to GO and DO!!! It's GREAT...

Nervous...Certifying...Hmmmm...

You are all aware that I am kind of in LOVE with Zumba!! Right!?!?! :) Well...I'm kind of freaking out...I go on Friday at 8:30 a.m. to certify to become an instructor!!! I have liked it from the first time I tried it back in November...and have had a desire off and on to get certified...wondering if I'd be able to teach it...make any money...and help others LOVE it like I do!!! So...I signed up and paid for this class back in February I think...and now the day is actually here...YIKES!!!
It's a FULL day of Zumba...learning, dancing, lectures, more dancing, breaks, and more dancing!! I think it'll be great...and I'm sure I'll be fine...but I'm just nervous...UGH!!! I haven't been to a "full-days work" since before Klous was born...so to go to something from 8:30-6...hmmm...it could be interesting!!! I'm anxious to get the stuff...dvds, cds, and other info...but I'm nervous about ME actually being able to do it and teach!?!?!
I don't know...just human I guess to worry and have the fears/emotions on a new experience that is coming about. I have people that I know...Zumba instructors who are simply AMAZING...and have inspired me to take this step. So I thank them for their examples, friendships, and advice...but I really, truly hope I can be as good to others as they are to me!!! 
Wish me luck!!!
Oh...and tonight at Zumba...I burned 909 calories and 118 grams of fat!! YAY!!

New week...and NEW measurements...

Hi all :)

So I did my measurements again tonight after Zumba!!! I can't always notice the changes...but when I see the numbers...OBVIOUSLY there are changes...so that's exciting!!! Here's what they are at the beginning of April...

Rt. Arm - 12
Left Arm - 12
Chest - 40
Waist - 41
Rt. Thigh - 23 1/2 
Left Thigh - 23 1/2
Hips - 43 1/2 

Total Inches LOST... - 3 1/2 :) :) :) 

Oh...and at Zumba tonight...I burned 782 calories and 101 grams of fat!! :) :) 

Yay for me!!! I'm excited to see that things are happening...even when I'm so down on myself and hard on myself.
Now for a venting session...please bear with me...
It's been kind of a crazy week...month...whatever you want to consider it!! I've had lots on my mind...kids have been acting out and wanting warm weather so they can just be outside all the time...Ryan's stressed and trying to do the best he can for our family...and really...life just is a struggle isn't it!?!?! I've really been trying hard to stay positive the last while...and be happy and grateful for what I have...but at times I get so down. I get annoyed and frustrated with people and their comments or opinions...I get upset that we work hard...try our best...and yet still things don't seem to go our way...and more so lately I get upset that people who are the closest to us...they just don't get it...or don't care. I don't know...
I've always been a happy person...I've always wanted to make others happy...I've always been known for my smile and contagious laugh...I've always been there to help others out...and care a LOT more about how they're feeling or doing, rather then how I am. I don't know...obviously a LOT has changed in my life for the last 5 years especially...having kids will do that to you right!! But especially in the last 2 1/2 years things have gone downhill...depression...anxiety...loss of self-love...relationships falling apart with family members and friends...added stress and problems in our marriage/relationship...and more. I can't explain what's happened...I don't know why it's all hit now...and if I knew how to figure all that out I would.
I have a hard time with life DAILY...I have an even harder time with people who just DON'T get it...Obviously I don't choose to be like this...I don't want to deal with this anymore...if I could just shut it all off, I would...I wouldn't wish this on ANYONE...because it's not easy at all...and it's definitely NOT fun. 
However...it is a challenge and trial I have been given...and over the last 2 years I've learned a LOT about depression...I've realize a LOT of what people go through who have it...and feel terrible for how I looked at those people and judged them in the past. I realize now what it's like to have terrible thoughts...reactions to things that would've never bothered you in the past...and feelings of ALWAYS being terrible and not good enough for anyone or anything. 
I don't know where I'm wanting to go with this...I just want to let those people know who are closest to me...that NO...I am not the Becki I was 10 years ago...5 years ago...2 1/2 years ago...I try each day to smile and look at the GOOD in my life...I fail a LOT it seems...and I complain or say things that shouldn't be said...and I'm sorry. Please be patient with me...please know that in time things will get better...(at least I hope)...and somewhere inside me IS that Becki that people know and love. I haven't found her yet...and when I do it'll be a great day...or even when I come to accept and realize that this "new" Becki is good enough!! I need help...but more importantly I need people to NOT judge and think that there's nothing wrong. I just need help...

Sorry for the venting...sorry for the long, babbling post...but I needed to say something...and this is it I guess. Thank you to everyone who actually reads this and continues to be there for me no matter what. It means more then any of you will ever know!!!

New Watch...

So there are a couple people at Zumba that have watches that tell them their heart-rate...and how many calories they've burned through the work-out. I wanted one!!!
So with my birthday money...and a little more...I went to Wal-Mart and got something that looks like the picture above...the watch I have isn't QUITE that fancy...but it does do a lot. It tells me my heart rate, calories burned, fat grams burned, times my work-outs, averages out my heart rate...it's pretty cool!! It has that fancy chest strap thingy that is taking a CONSTANT heart rate when I'm working out.
Well I've worn it twice to Zumba...Wednesday night AND Thursday night!!! I was SO impressed with the results...and did you know that your body is still working and burning things off even AFTER you're done working out...AMAZING!!! I love this excitement it all brings me!!!
So on Wednesday night I burned...

842 calories and 109 grams of FAT!!! WAHOO :) :) :)

BUT...then I went last night to Charlotte's class...where I work a bit harder I think...cuz there are NO mirrors...and I feel like I go all out!?!? I don't know...that's not the point tho...the point is...I burned...

1145 calories and 148 grams of FAT!!!

YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY :)

I'm quite impressed with my purchase and birthday present!!! Oh...and these are only 1 hour work-outs...so that's not bad huh!!

Just keep swimming...Just keep swimming...

I haven't posted about weight loss for the last couple weeks...haven't really gotten around to it...and have forgotten as well. But the last couple weeks also haven't been so great in this area. I'm not succeeding at the whole eating healthy or even "good" for that matter. :( 
Last week when I weighed...I was 1 pound down...and then this morning when I weighed in...it was back up a pound...so!?!?! Really no weight loss I guess...it all balanced out I suppose. I'm not so proud of it...because the first few weeks of my plan and program...I was doing so SO good...and now it's a pound off...two on...a couple off...and nothing...so!?!?! I don't know...it's starting to get frustrating...
BUT...
then I find something like this quote I put at the beginning...I need to just keep TRYING...I need to keep going...and I NEED to do better. I know the things I'm slacking on...I know I've been putting too much sugar in my mouth...I know I'm not being as healthy and good as I should be...but what do I do about it!?!?! Complain...and not make changes...THAT DOESN'T HELP!!! So there...I've posted this...I've been honest...I've spilled the beans...and now I NEED help and encouragement...I know I can do this...I know I want it...and I know I'm LOVING the changes that have happened so far.
Also...I must mention...stress does NOT help me. It makes me eat more...it makes me upset...it makes me just want to sleep and do nothing...it stirs up the depression more...it just all around sucks. So I have a question...Do any of you readers know how to help me NOT get so involved or upset or worried about other peoples problems!?!? Or to NOT take things so personally!?!?! Some things people have said to me lately have REALLY hurt...and I should be able to just let it go...but I don't know how...and I don't know how to NOT feel bad for people and want to help them!?!?!
So here's to another week...another start...and hoping and WANTING changes to happen...Just gotta keep trying :)