Gonna Try This Again....

Well...the last time I posted or said anything on here was in JULY...now it is January 2014...and NOTHING has changed in my style of living. I'm continually gaining weight, getting more and more hard on myself, more depressed, more ornery & grumpy with my family...it's just not good. I've been thinking/wanting to DO something and make changes for a while now...but I honestly could not get my mind to tell my body to actually DO it. So it's been a LOT of ups and downs for the last few months...

I saw this picture tonight...and I thought it fit me very well. I KNOW I am the reason I'm how I am...I know I can change because it's been done before...I just need to DO it. Doesn't matter what size I am or where I'm at...I've just gotta take a step in the RIGHT direction each day...with each step and each day, things WILL improve.



 





 

 

So...Ryan and I are in this together this time...we're both really feeling that we need to get healthy and be doing better. If we don't start changing and making better choices, our kids will follow in our footsteps, and that's NOT what we want for them. I want to be an active, fun, HAPPY mom...and at this point in my life right now I am NOT there...so things need to change. All I do is beat myself up constantly, HATE looking at myself in any reflection or mirror, I don't like getting dressed or going places because NOTHING fits or looks good on me (or so I think/see)...it's just tough. And THIS quote hit sooo...close to home for me. The internal pain, thoughts, self-worth, and depression I'm struggling with CAN be overcome and fixed...when I do what I know I need to be doing.

So here I sit on Friday night, ALL of my family sound asleep around me...and I have lots of thoughts going through my head. In January of 2012 I sat in a similar place with similar thoughts in my head, and I wanted to start something and MAKE the change for me and to jump in full force. At this point I am getting myself to look back on what I accomplished THEN, and to convince myself that I CAN and WILL do this. Yes, it'll take time....Yes, it'll take work...Yes, it'll cause sweat an tears...Yes, I'll probably want to give up and quit...BUT I will succeed and I WILL achieve what I want to do. It won't happen overnight...and I'll have to continually remind myself of that, it won't be easy...but I CAN do it...putting one foot in front of the other!!! Trying to NOT focus on the BIG picture, but instead realizing all that I can accomplish, improve on, change, and DO one day at a time!!!

 

 

Wish me luck...join me on this journey if you'd like...keep in touch with what I'm doing...because I NEED this all back in my life again...it's been FAR too long...and I've shed FAR too many tears over all my unhappiness. Plenty of reasons I'm wanting to do this and start it again...but I think the BIGGEST reason is because I want to be able to have a REAL smile on my face and that look in my eyes, that when I look in the mirror I'm not disgusted and angry...but instead happy with what I see, where I am, and WHO I am continually becoming...I'll get there!!!