The last 2 weeks...

Man oh man...has it been a CrAzY couple of weeks...we have been all over the place...run, run, running it seems...and seriously SO exhausted...emotionally, physically, and mentally. We've had a couple days to re-coop now...but it has been QUITE a couple of weeks...

It started last week by heading to St. George, UT (way down south)...where we had the double funeral for Great-Grandma/Grandpa Jones...it was a TOUGH time...it was a wonderful funeral...(if they can be wonderful)...and it's great knowing they're still together...but during that trip, the majority of the family got sick...there was little sleep that happened...LOTS of tears and emotions...and LOTS of swimming/sunshine. Not to mention it was HOT HOT HOT down there...about 100 degrees all 3 days we were there... 

Then came this week...Ryan's youngest brother, Matthew, has chosen to go on a mission for our church...he will be serving for 2 years in the Chile Osorno Mission...and had to report to the MTC (Missionary Training Center) on Wednesday afternoon. So Sunday, Monday, & Tuesday were family days...and even MORE emotion...
He's an AMAZING kid...and such an example to all of us. It was a lot harder to say good-bye to him then I realized it would be. So there again...a LOT of emotions and tears!!

So...I guess the reason I'm writing this post is...to say I am officially re-committing...I have turned into a VERY emotional eater, non-eater, lazy-exerciser...just NOT what I want to be. I've fallen into a funk...and a slump...and I NEED to get out. I know I am a LOT happier when I exercise and eat better...I know it's best for me...and I know I need it...

SO...here goes. I have a friend who has the INSANITY dvd's and is letting me borrow them...so I will be starting those...I KNOW it'll kick my butt...but I need it!!! I will be re-thinking my eating/food choices...because I KNOW that the only way to get rid of my tummy pooch is to change my nutrition...so here goes.

RE-COMMITING...because I NEED to improve and get back on track. I'm not happy with myself lately...I'm not excited when I look in the mirror...and I do NOT want to stay in this funk...I MUST get out...for myself, for my family, and for my health. I NEED it!!!

Wish me luck...keep me accountable...and keep me motivated...I continue to see other peoples results and continuing accomplishments...and I WANT THAT...so I will do it!!! 

When I got to Ryan's parents house on Tuesday night...I walked out the back door in the dress I have on in the pictures above...and Matthew (Ryan's brother) said to me..."Wow...that's a nice dress"...it was one of the SWEETEST things I've heard from him...and as nice as the compliment was...I don't feel that way when I see myself in it. I WILL make that dress look even nicer!!! Because I deserve it!!!

So here's the start of a whole new journey...again!!! I CAN DO IT!!

Thoughts...

This picture is kinda dark...and not the best...but this is the last time we got to visit and see these two. :( This is Ryan's Grandma & Grandpa on his dad's side. Last Friday Grandma Jones passed away...she fought a hard fight and finally was able to leave her frail, sick, "broken" body...and return to live with our Heavenly Father and those who have gone before her. When we were there visiting them, they told us they had it all planned out and that they were going to "go" together...and have a joint funeral...at first I thought that was odd. I knew they were given only a little time left to live...but how can you really KNOW that you'll go together??? How can you be so sure...and what if it doesn't happen like that??? Well...they knew...they had it all worked out and planned...because this past Thursday, Grandpa Jones passed away. Only 6 days after his love...his queen...his eternal companion...he was able to be reunited with her and all those other family members who have gone on before her. What a blessing that is!!! 

I know some elderly people who have been alone for 2, 5, 10, 12, 15 years...and how hard it is for them...how lonely they get...how sad it must be at times. What a blessing it is to only have to be away from the one you love the most....the one you've lived SO many years with...the one who was by your side day in and day out...to only be away from her for 6 days. Who knows how quickly that goes by on the other side...but how great it is that they're able to be together again...and for us to have the knowledge and beliefs that Families ARE Forever...that we WILL be able to see them again...that it may be a "long" time here on earth...but for them it may be just a blink??? What great knowledge we as a family have...yes it's sad and will be hard this week with the funerals...but they're happy, they're strong & healthy again, they're watching over us, and they WILL be there to greet us when our time comes.

The deaths of Grandma & Grandpa have gotten me thinking...watching how my kids react when we talk about it...hearing their questions and concerns...knowing that this is their first time experiencing death and funerals...wondering how we'll explain it to them, and if they'll really understand it??? When Ryan & I got married...I only had my one grandma alive still...and she passed away only a month into our marriage. :( I had SO much joy to come into a family that still have all 4 grand-parents...because I didn't really know mine that well. I was young when they all passed...but now to experience this and know that this is the "first" passing of grand-parents...wondering how to love, support, lend an ear or a shoulder, just BE there for those who need it...it's tough. I am here...I'll do my best to stay strong...but those who know me know that I'm emotional...and when the joint funeral comes this week...it'll be interesting to see how it hits everyone. When the reality is there that they're really gone...yes our knowledge is wonderful and brings peace and comfort to us...BUT...we still need to mourn and handle however is best for each of us.

So...although this has NOTHING to do with weight-loss...or NOTHING to do with being healthy...it's a LOT of what's weighing on my mind lately...here's to hoping to have the Spirit with me and the rest of the family as we take on this next week. We LOVE you Grandma & Grandpa...we're SO grateful for the evening we had to visit and laugh and be with you before you were gone. It's opened our eyes to realize NOT to take family, friends, and people for granted...you never know when the last time will be. Or when they just WON'T be there anymore...

Hmmmm....so many thoughts...WE LOVE YOU GUYS!!! We miss you...and we are SO happy that you're able to be together again...and together FOREVER!!!

New found DESIRE...DETERMINATION...and MOTIVATION...

So...we've made some changes to our family vacation this year...because of cost, reality, family thoughts, and more...we've decided to go home to Minnesota this summer instead of going to San Diego. I kind of got a prideful, stubborn side when it came to vacations, because I get upset that my family doesn't come out here and see me...so I told Ryan..."I am NOT going home this year, until someone comes to see us"....well. Then we figured out what we would like to do...started adding up costs...and realized it's REALLY expensive. Then with Ryan's Grandma passing away last week...it helped us realize that we need to take advantage of the times we CAN go see family and spend time with them. My kids and hubby haven't been to MN in 2 years...and the kids have grown a LOT since the summer of 2010...so it's about time for us to go back!!!

ANYWAYS...that's our plan...and with this plan...comes another realization to me...that I have FAILED on my goals, desires, and hopes of being healthier, skinnier, and better off!!! I have kind of "given up" I guess you could say the last couple months...and it's not fun. I'm putting on pounds again...(not a lot)...but still some. My "SMALL" pants I was able to wear...and now too tight...so I'm not "slim" like I was before...SO...it's time to kick it into gear. I have 6-7 weeks until we go to Minnesota. I have enough time to do a challenge and get some of my goals reached. 

SO....like this picture/magnet says..."Wish it....Dream it...DO IT"....I will be DOING IT...

I'm going to step it up with eating...I'm cutting back on sugars and sweets...no more snacking when I want like I've fallen back into. I'm going to be drinking Shakeology more often again for meals...I'm going to be making healthier meals and making more positive/healthier choices when I'm hungry. I will get rid of this stomach if it takes everything out of me!!! I HAVE TO!!!

As for exercise...I'm still doing good with my exercise...I mean I'm not still doing Slim in 6 right now...BUT I am going to start up again...a friend of mine has Insanity and is going to let me borrow it to try it out...so I'm PUMPED about that!!! We'll see where it takes me and how I do...BUT...I WILL DO IT!!! 

So...here we go...we are leaving July 21st for Minnesota...and by that time I want to be smaller and slimmer and happier then I am NOW!!! Here's to wishing me luck...who wants to do it too!!! :) :) :)