Back at it.....ugh...AGAIN...

Well.....Where do I begin...

 

I don't know...I'm just so, SOO incredibly frustrated with myself. It's now November 2014 and I'm no better off then I was in January 2014 when I last posted anything...in fact I'm worse I think. Physically at least...I can say though that I've only gained 7 lbs since January, which ISN'T cool, but it could be a lot worse. So now I have 80 lbs to get to where I was when I had this sweet baby girl 18 months ago...

 

She has really brought SO much joy and happiness to our family, but I'm so disgusted with how I've let myself go...I can't handle seeing pictures of me, looking in the mirror, being in a swimsuit, "dressing" up for anything...I'm just grossed out. I know that my worth is NOT based on my weight or the number on the scale or the size of my clothes...but I KNOW that I can be better...I KNOW that I can do better...and the fact that I've let myself go for TOO long, I'm just upset. :(

 

The clothes I have hardly fit...even my "bigger" clothes from when I lost weight before...they're getting too small and I'm just uncomfortable. I'm at a loss as to where to even begin. It all seems TOO overwhelming, I make TOO many excuses, I have ZERO motivation or determination because I feel like I'll just fail. What is wrong with me? I know it didn't happen overnight to PUT this weight on, so I KNOW it's going to take time AND effort to get it off again. I'm just angry with myself. UGH...

 

Here are some pictures of ME over the last 5 months...and I don't have many others...and if I do, they're ONLY head shots. I can't handle seeing full body shots of myself. It's just BAD...

June 2014



July 2014

Sept. 2014

 

Oct 2014

Sometimes I FEEL cute in pictures...like the two above...but even still...I have to sit just right so my double chin isn't showing or anything like that. Even my cheeks and face...ugh...:( Just makes me sad...

BUT...the thing that makes me the MOST upset I think...besides the way I look or feel...the fact that I CAN'T, I CAN'T wear my wedding ring. :( My fingers have gotten too fat...you can still see the indention on my ring finger where it SHOULD be, (because I wore it for SO long with it being so tight), but I can't even get it on now. It's pathetic...and it breaks my heart...

TONIGHT

 

So here I go...where do I start?? What do I do?? Baby steps right...I KNOW I can't do things cold turkey...I can't, that just sets me up to fail. It's ALL in moderation...and I HAVE to make changes.

Anyone have suggestions?? Advice?? Wanna help me?? Wanna join me??

I went to Zumba tonight...for the first time in a LOOOOOOOOONG time. I thought I was going to die. But my wonderful, encouraging, loving instructor Shelly is doing a "12 weeks to New Years", see it HERE and I've gotta get on that too. I love that it's ONE thing a week to improve on, so by the time the new year comes, we'll already be on our way to changing!!!

Anyways...I'm going to be posting and blogging and starting this all again. I need to...I NEED to do something, and this is a way for me to be held accountable. Thanks to all who LOVE me for who I am, regardless of my faults...I'm up for anyone that REALLY wants to join me in this...cuz this is for REAL for me...it's gotta happen...