So after I blogged and had all the WOO HOO of starting and doing it and changing...UGH...life happened. I set myself with SO many things to fix or change or do, that I didn't know where to really start.
The day after I posted that, I visited with an incredible example & friend to me, Susan...she helped me talk through things, really put things into perspective like I wanted, and get me thinking in a way that I hadn't considered. Right now I have a lot on my "plate"...a LOT of Becki that I need to get figured out, balanced, and taken care of. And maybe, JUST maybe, my physical looks, size, weight, ALL that...maybe that isn't what's most important right now. Until I have a clear head/mind...the desire or ambition to do the physical changes won't be there. I've tried and failed TOO many times...so ya. I had an eye opening thought process...that I can handle doing little changes...choices throughout the day that would be better, but not a COMPLETE change right now. And I'm ok with that...it took a time to get where I am now...and I KNOW it's going to take a LOT of time to get to where I want to be. So I need to work on patience with myself...wish me luck!!
Well...that was a Wednesday night...that weekend Ryan & I got to go to a marriage retreat...a marriage REcharge!!! It was fabulous...I needed to be recharged!! Whew!!! The information that was taught, the people who presented, the time that was put in, the spirit that was there...WOW WOW WOW...I don't know what else to say. It was JUST what I needed and just what would lift me up. In that weekend, I was able to meet Becky Mackintosh. WOW...she is a powerhouse...as is her husband. She said some things, and then talked with Ryan & I after, and it just hit me. I don't have to be perfect, I don't have to make crazy/elaborate changes right now, I need to focus on ME, on MY faith, on MY relationship with my Heavenly Father...I need to be healthy in my spiritual stuff, and THAT'S what really matters right now.
Everything in life is connected...physical, emotional, spiritual, mental...it's all tied together...and lately I've realized just HOW important our spiritual health is. The knowledge that I have of a Heavenly Father...that I AM His daughter, that HE loves me...NO MATTER WHAT. I need to really KNOW that...I need to remember and KNOW that I am worth more then the number on the scale...the size of my pants...any of that. YES being healthy is important, and I'll get there...but right now, when I'm struggling and SO low on myself and my self esteem...I NEED to refocus and pray for help and strength to truly KNOW WHO I AM.
This thought is another topic ^^^^^^^^^^^, I've had with Susan.
She has done so much to remind me that I AM enough...I DO enough...and sometimes it just doesn't stick. BUT I'm getting there. I'm grateful for the people in my life right now, because they truly, TRULY are my rocks...they help me when I need it most. They lift me when I'm down...they remind me of my eternal purpose and my Heavenly Father, and His unending love for ME. Not because I did something...but simply because I am ME, and am HIS daughter. What a blessing that is to know...and I am praying daily for help to truly KNOW this...because we all need to realize our worth.
Here are a couple awesome thoughts from President Uchtdorf...they've stuck out to me a lot in the last couple months.
So for now this is my plan...working on ME. Working on knowing my worth and the love people have for me, as well as loving myself. If I don't truly love myself, how then can I truly know what it is to love others!?!?!