Little steps = BIG aches sometimes...

So yesterday Ryan's sister Shauna asked us if we'd be up for joining them at the Provo Rec center to play in the water or something. The boys wanted to play basketball for awhile and then go swimming in the water park. I really did want to go and hang out with the family...BUT I did NOT want to go swimming. As I said yesterday...NONE of my clothes fit, I don't like myself in anything, and I was NOT going to put on a swimsuit...so I decided that I'd push Ayzlee in the stroller and we'd walk the track or something.
And that's what we did...we walked...and walked...and walked some more until I needed some drinks and to stretch. Yes...one of these days I'll REALLY learn that I need to stretch BEFORE too. So we'd walk some laps and then stop for a drink...then I walked a couple more laps and decided I wanted to try something else. So I go on one of the bikes...I couldn't believe how incredibly exhausted I was. In all I did 9-10 laps around the track...(I don't know if it's 5 or 6 laps that make a mile there???) and then I did 7 minutes on the bike. I was DYING...my legs were shaking...heart was pounding...body was aching...and I was SO out of breath. Unbelievable...but I did it!!! AND it felt good...the pain felt good!!! The aches and sweat and pounding heart felt good!!!
So then comes today...my body was pretty tired and sore today...we cleaned up and got the holiday stuff put away...hung out as a family...and then decided to go to the rec center again...this time I DID go swimming with the kids...it was hard not to when my sweet Klous comes up to me and tells me, "Mom, it's ok because you're going to start exercising and eating better, so then you'll want to swim more." It was cute!!!

So now comes my honesty and venting...I had a BIG reality hit me today, and I can't seem to get over it. I know it's in the past...and I know I'm moving forward, but it just makes me sick to realize HOW far I've let myself go. When I was pregnant with Ayzlee, for those 9 months, I gained a WHOPPING 4 pounds...yes only 4 pounds. After she was born I was smaller, skinnier, and liked my body more then I had in a LONG time...and I dropped a lot more then that 4 lbs. Well here I am...Ayzlee will be 9 months NEXT week...and when I stood on the scale this morning, to prepare for a challenge we're starting Monday, I realized I have gained 75 pounds...yes, SEVENTY-FIVE pounds. DISGUSTING...I've been just disgusted all day...WHY?? HOW?? WHAT was I thinking!?!?! UGH....this is how I felt when I stood on it...and reality hit...



Anyways...here I am...preparing and getting ready a challenge starting Monday. It's a challenge to lose 4% of my body weight in 30 days...that's doable right!?!?! RIGHT??? I can do this...WE can do this...Ryan & I are doing this together and trying to recruit more family to join us!!! It's a GREAT jump start and kick-off. I'm also going to start going back to Zumba...I miss it. I miss the people/friends/family I've got there. I miss the endorphins it helped me burn. I miss the joy it brought me...so I will be back this week. Exhausted as ALL get out, but I'll be there!!!