Hello friends...
I've been having some thoughts this last week. My eyes have been opened a bit more the last few days...and I just thought I'd share some of them!?!?! I hope no one minds my...what could be considered...blabbing and venting!!!
Anyways...there's been some added stress...happenings in our life lately...and I just want for things to work out and happen. So we'll see what happens...BUT...it has made us realize how we're lacking on our spirituality and how we need to improve. That has been a GREAT thing for me...and is mostly the reason so many things have opened my eyes this week. Isn't it just so great to know that even when we fall away...stray...stop communicating with our Heavenly Father...that whenever we start again...or even if we don't...that He's still there and still loves us...NO MATTER WHAT. I love that!!
So the other day...we were driving to Ryan's work to have lunch with him. I was stopped at a red light...in the turn lane (going left)...and had been there since the light turned red. Now I'm not sure how they decide which direction will have a green turn arrow...or if they both will or neither of them!?!? I don't know...but this time I didn't get it...the other direction coming towards us...they got the green arrow and green light...they start going (obviously)...but there I sit waiting my turn and see this car coming from my left...CRUISING along...not slowing down or even stopping for the RED LIGHT. The first car coming through the green light totally hits the car that ran their red light...I just sat with my hands at my mouth in shock and awe...couldn't believe he actually ran the light WAY after it had been red...obviously not paying attention...in shock that there wasn't more damage or problems done from it...in awe that the guy who got hit (who ran the red light) looked around like everyone else was STUPID...and like he had done nothing wrong. Then when I tried to flip around LEGALLY...and see if I could do anything...I realized the car who got hit just took off...didn't stop or pull over anywhere...just got on a different street and took off...and the car who hit him...realized nothing was gonna happen...so they took off too!?!?!? WHAT THE!?!?!?
Anyways...it scared Klous cuz he watched the whole thing too...it shook me up cuz I was right there and saw it all happen and it just freaked me out. But even more then that...it shook me up to think...that had I gotten the green turn arrow...I would've started going...and WE would've been completely side-swiped by that car who was cruising through the red light. He would've hit us right on the driver's side where I was and Klous was behind me. FREAKY...but then I think that Heavenly Father was watching over us...He knew what was going to happen...and He prevented us from being the ones to get hit, hurt, or anything else.
Ok...that's one thought...
Then there's this one...I've been so impatient and stressed with the kids lately!?!?! I don't know what the deal is...other then I have a 4 yr old...2 yr old...and 1 yr old!?!?! I mean...come on...that's stressful right!?!?! Klous tries so hard to help...or play with the other 2 kids...and then he just wants us to play with him or do something with him...BUT him alone. He's very much about one-on-one time!?!?! Can't really do that with 2 other kids...a husband...a tiny living space...and on and on. Then there's Aysha...she's so incredibly dramatic...but tough at the same time. She holds her own with Klous...and will bat those BIG brown eyes to get what she wants. She screams...she slaps...she hits back...she DOESN'T listen...she always wants her baby, blankies, and BINKI...AHHHHHHHHHH...I don't know what to do with her!?!?! She's old enough to not have her binki...but I guess for selfish reasons I'm not ready to go through the 2-3 HARD days of not having it!?!?! And of course our "little" guy...Kyson...he just sits and watched the other 2. He's learning things from them...and he's trying to keep up with them. He's 14 months now...and he's NOT walking?? Doesn't even have a desire to do so!?!?! (Klous was walking at 9 months...and Aysha at a year)...so for Kyson to not do it yet...AHHHHHHHHH...it's kinda frustrating. And maybe more so because he weighs 23 or 25 lbs!?!? I don't remember for sure...but regardless...he's NOT light by any means. Not only is he heavy...he also hasn't been sleeping great...his ear has been draining yuckage...but he doesn't seem bothered by it??? He's constipated kind of often...and it's just really different from the other two...
ANYWAYS...just a LOT of different struggles and stresses with each kid...and I can't seem to find the balance with any of it. I get upset...I get frustrated...I get angry...and then I shut down. Ryan is amazing and takes over when he can tell I've had it...and he lets me go when I need a break...but then I feel guilty that I'm leaving...so!?!?! Lose-lose situation...
I've read another friends blog...and she just inspires me...I need to take lessons from her and realize that how I'm talking and treating my kids will have a lasting affect on them...and so I need to improve and do things better...but where do I start!?!? I need to just find the balance...I need to find the ability to REALLY pick and choose my battles. I need to realize that they're KIDS and things aren't going to go how I want them to go...so I just need to LET IT GO!?!?!? But why is it so difficult!?!?! I do tend to worry and wonder what other people are thinking...what their opinion is of me and my "parenting skills"...or lack thereof!!! Because I don't know about some of you other moms...but I feel when we're "OUT"...or what ever...that some of the older generation look at me like I'm CRAZY...and I'm not handling my kids right...and I'm not dealing with them correctly...or that they're just COMPLETELY out of control...you know cuz they're crying...or whining...or upset or WHATEVER...because apparently that generation has FORGOTTEN that they had kids ONCE too...and they had to bring them to stores or in public...and I would hope they're remember that their kids weren't angels all the time either!?!?!?
I don't know...just a LOT on my mind...can you tell!!
I'm sorry...this is long...thank you for reading it if you made it all the way through...feel free to comment and give me any pointers or things that have helped you!?!?!? I have more to say...but I'll stop for now!!! Sorry for the venting...but thank YOU for reading it all!!
8 comments:
First of all. You need to give yourself credit. You do a lot as a wife, mother, friend, member of the church, etc. I think you very often forget how great you are and stress out about things you think you aren't doing or doing less than perfect. You are doing a great job! And you need to be proud of that.
Secondly. Forget about what other ppl out in public think! I had a lady just absolutely staring at me one day. Ryleigh was screaming her head off, trying to bite me and trying to wiggle free all while I was holding her in one arm and trying to unload my cart with my one free hand. Come on lady! Rather than stare at me why not offer to help?!?! Your kids won't learn how to behave while out in public if you don't bring them out and teach them. Eric has had timeouts right in the isle we were in, in front of everyone. He now behaves himself (for the most part). So as frustrating as it is to have others judge you, you just have to come up with something clever to say to the rude observers or be like a kid and stick your tongue out at them! ;)
And finally. Yes, Heavenly Father LOVES YOU, and your sweet little kids, and your husband! You have been blessed with a patient, giving, forgiving, and kind husband. But he has been blessed with a hard working, sweet, giving, talented, honest, kind, funny, GREAT wife. You compliment each other in such a geat way. Life isn't easy. Satan is working hard. Very hard. He doesn't want individuals to succeed or families to make it. I know its hard to see now but someday you'll look back on these days and hopefully laugh! At least, thats what I tell myself! I don't want to wish my children's childhoods away but I know these frustrating days will one day be memories (that more than likely I'll miss). Just find all the good amongst the trying times. Enjoy those babies and this time. And remember how GREAT YOU ARE! Also- maybe read Hymn pg 129. So lovely! :)
Sorry this is a book. I just wanted to share my thoughts with you. I love you. I KNOW you are great! You have so many talents I wish I had. You are a great example to me and I look up to you and are thankful for who you are. I hope you know how much we miss and love and think of you guys.
Keep your chin up! You're doing a fantastic job!
Love you! :)
Yeah . . . what she said. :)
I have a few thoughts. Wow about the car accident--that would've been so scary! What a miracle.
I really relate to you about parenting and wondering what others think. Sometimes I am able to remember it's not about what others think, but too often I feel uncertain about my parenting. It SHOULDN'T matter, and when I remember to be more prayerful about it, I feel stronger/less insecure, but it's hard to make time for that.
Something I learned when I was working (though don't necessarily apply well all the time), is to pay attention to why I'm getting upset at ds. For example, is it because I think his behavior makes me look like a bad parent? Or is it because I think he ought to know better by now (which he shouldn't)? If I can pause before I react and talk myself through those, it helps.
Another thing I find helpful (you know, when I remember) is that testing the limits is what they are supposed to be doing. If I can pause (oh that magical pause) and remind myself what a good job they are doing at limit testing or expressing their will or whatever, it really helps diffuse my anger.
I'm feeling like I'm over-advising as I start in with the third thing--really, I don't think I am doing so fabulously that I have room to speak, but I do have some training that I try to remember, so I hope I'm not sounding too obnoxious! It sounds like Klous may have the love language of time together. If that is the case, he will feel more loved when he has that one-on-one time with you or Ryan. I don't have any brilliant ideas on how to make that happen in your situation, but I bet prayer will help. It's awesome that he is aware enough to know that's what he needs, really. Not all kids his age can voice it. If you ever want us to watch the other two so you can have some of that time, we'd be happy to!
Oh, and I have an awesome quote from a book about how many parent/child conflicts typically happen in a minute . . . I bet you would find it comforting. I'll have to look it up.
You are great, Becki! And you're working so hard at improving so many things at once . . . don't forget to celebrate even your tiny successes.
I'm for keeping the binki, btw. Nothing wrong with it at all.
p.s.--Thank you for being so honest and vulnerable!
Satan LOVES to get women to beat themselves up. Why? you ask. Because we are so darn good at it. All he has to do is plant a small idea in our heads and we take it and run. Plus the fact that once we start in on ourselves it WILL get taken out on the kids, husband, etc... The result.... yep you guessed it contention and bad feelings. Try to step back and take a deep breath.
As a parent we chose to be a mentor to our kids and not to be their friends. It is hard at times, but if we don't show them the correct way to behave, someone else will and the outcome may not be what we desire. I know how hard it is to have lots of little kids home ALL day, I have been there and it is very hard! I always tried to keep my kids busy with helping me cook, clean and do laundry. Sure it takes 10 times longer to fold the laundry or mix up a batch of cookies, but it is worth spending the time together and teaching them to contribute to the family and cooperate with each other.
Hang in there girl. Pray LOTS for inspiration and help with the kiddos. This too shall pass.
Unfortunately, we all have moments were we lose it with our kids, and have to take them away from situations, or do something that makes us embarrassed or whatever. But it is also fortunate that that happens to all of us! It provides great opportunities for us to learn from each other as fellow mothers. Clearly I had a bad week!! You were there both times when I had to remove Chase from situations because he was being a holy terror! I am just glad none of you guys judged me as a bad mom, cuz certainly that is how I felt in the moment, even though most of the time I don't feel that way. And as far as how they act when we are in public, I am with you often in public situations, and I think your kids act like......KIDS!! Poo-who on the people who judge!! They probably have just forgotten, but I see you make a lot of decisions with your kids that I would make myself, and that makes me respect you even more as a person and a mother. You are doing a great job. Don't beat yourself up.
By the way, I am super glad you only witnessed an accident!! Scary and crazy. Love you!! Have a great day!!
Tyler & I talked last night about needing to improve in our spiritual life, too. It's a constant struggle to be better, because that's how we grow. Staying close to Heavenly Father is the surest way to happiness. And He does love us and want us to be close to Him, no matter what!
I'm glad you are ok! That's scary to see accidents, especially when it is close to being you that's hit.
It sounds like those kids are acting just normally for their ages. You're doing just fine. You can give them as much attention as you can and they'll be fine. Just keep in mind that these hard days of constant mothering don't last forever, and that some day you'll wish you had the influence that you have right now. The most important thing for them to learn is that you love them and that their Heavenly Father loves them. You can do it! Do what you can do, and lean on the Lord. Aysha...it's a hard step to lose the binki, and you'll do it when you're ready! Maybe in a few weeks, when there are more outside distractions? Kyson is ok to learn to walk late...nothing wrong with that!
Just keep going, read the scriptures and pray. Doing these two things really help my outlook on my day and help me not to yell at the girls. You have three beautiful, perfectly normal kids, and a supportive husband who loves you forever and ever. A lot of people have it worse than you do, you know. Keep your chin up, and love life!
I'm coming there tomorrow, and will be there until next Saturday. My number is (651) 252-1644. Text or call me to tell me yours, ok? Can't wait to see you and have the kids play together!
First, I WANTED to read all the wonderful comments that you were given, but i don't have time! Next Love you! You are doing great! I know that we all need that pat on the back now and then, and to feel like we are doing great. If it makes you feel better, they are amazing when with other people ie Klous at walmart with us, so something is sinking in.:) again love you, and thank you for sharing your thoughts!
Stab! Isn't that what we do? Oh, I yelled at the kids today, you give yourself a giant stab, then I was too tired to read a book before bedtime with them, Stab again. I should have played with them more today, STAB! We always are stabbing ourselves of things we did, didn't, should've or shouldn't have done. One thing I have to remind myself when I feel like people are "looking at me" criticing my parenting (or lack of) is when I hear or see a small one crying or acting out, I often look, only to give a smile with which I am thinking, "I feel for you, I have been there, you're doing great!" I think others do that too, they look to see if they can help or to feel for you. I bet the percetage of people looking thinking, "I can't believe..." is very small.
When we had twins, I was overwelmed with how can I make time for them individually, will one feel left out or that I held or loved the other more? Normally you have that baby time with each baby individually, but when we had 2, holy moly! I heard of someone doing "late nights" with their children. I loved the idea and we have done it from time to time. The one getting the late night stays up with mom and dad for an extra 20-30 minutes. They get to choose (if old enough) what to do. Read a book, play a game, sit and cuddle. We have also done mommy/daddy dates where one of us will take a child to do something. Get ice cream, go to the park, see a movie, get gas in the car and get a sucker, carwash. It is just about the time...
I feel much like you. I don't feel like I am doing enough, or spending enough time. I am too quick to anger, to slow to give attention when needed. But I am aware of that, and I try to do things better each day. I know there are some days that I really did a poor job and others where I couldn't have done it better.
You need to focus on that things you are doing... my house is often or perhaps always a disaster. I feel bad about it, but I also know the kids have tons of fun as we are painting or going on a treasure hunt or having animal races or some crazy thing we have made up to do. I know my kids need the example of a clean house, and my husband really NEEDS to have a clean house or he is grumpy, but I also know I have played with the kids today.
Heavenly Father gave you these little ones because he knew you could do it. He trusts you in it, you may not be perfect at it, but none of us are. I bet you are doing better than you are giving yourself credit for.
Love ya! You are an awesome mom!
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