I don't have a whole lot to say today...but it is Monday...and I weighed in this morning!!! Nothing exciting to report...well maybe it is...but it could be better. But I'm the same...didn't gain...didn't lose...just the SAME.
Which really when I think about this whole last week...that is kind of impressive. I ate out a LOT last week and totally FAILED on my whole "not taking the kids to McDonald's as much" thing I said. :( It's horrible...but I just don't know whatelse to do during the day...when I'm SO sick of being cooped up in the house...we're out and about anyways...AND there's a playplace there for them. So!?!?!? UGH...yeah just not a good week for that!! And we spent TOO much money last week going out for that and with family...so this week is a NEW start. No matter how healthy of choices you make...you're still not cooking it or seeing what's going in all of it...so this week is eat at home week!! Or pack your own lunch week to go play!?!?! We'll see how it goes!!!
Also...I was a bit depressed and down the end of last week...just a lot of things hitting me that got me down. Life just doesn't always go as we'd like...and it SUCKS sometimes. Also...when my 4-yr old starts pointing things out to me...or saying things to Ryan and I about how he's being treated or NOT treated...it really makes me feel pathetic and not worthy of being a parent. Within the last 4-5 days, Klous has said these few things...as Ryan was sitting the couch with Aysha & Kyson...with Klous on the other couch...he says..."you guys never pay attention to me". Then this morning he wasn't listening when I was asking him to help me...and hurry to get ready to go to Wal-Mart...too focused on the tv or something...I don't know. So I was getting a little stern and frustrated with him...and he looks at me and asks..."Mommy...why are you ALWAYS mad at me?? I just want you to be happy with me?"...so I tell him "I don't know bud...I just get upset and maybe I'm just not a good mommy"...and he proceeds to tell me..."you're a good Mommy...I just don't know why you're always mad at me...I want you to be happy". UGH...talk about making me feel terrible :( Then tonight as I'm getting ready for Zumba...he wants to help tie or untie my shoes...I tell him he can untie one...it was a double know though...so he couldn't get it, and I was already running late...so then he gets upset and says..."you NEVER let me help you with anything...you ALWAYS do it"...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...what do I do!?!?! Obviously I know I'm not perfect...I have a LOT of struggles and am REALLY impatient at times with my kids...but how AWFUL that my 4-yr old has to bring those things to my attention and make me aware that he's feeling so alone??? left out??? sad??? constantly yelled at?? I don't know...just makes me sad :(
What to do!?!?! So anyways...with those things going on...I beat myself up a LOT...and when I get upset...I haven't figured out how to NOT turn to sweets and foods I really like...so what did I do Saturday night when I was upset!?!?! Oh yeah...I go to Maceys to get "milk"...what do I come home with?? Milk...+ MINT BROWNIES...+ a LOT of other things. BLAH...and who ate the majority of the brownies!?!?! MOMMY...ya...not so cool...and I really paid for it at Zumba tonight.
Oh well...I do need to look at the positive I suppose...I have been told by a few people this last week as well that they're noticing and can tell I've lost weight...so that makes me happy...I just NEED to keep working...and improving...I CAN do it...this week CAN start fresh and be BETTER then last week...here's to succeeding!!! DECIDE...COMMIT...SUCCEED!!! (Thanks Eric) :) :) :)
**********Sorry for the moping and venting...************
7 comments:
I'm sorry you had a rough week. I'm sure things will get so much better when spring finally comes...when everyone can get outside for space and fresh air! As far as what Klous is saying to you...Eric and Alex do that to me ALL.THE.TIME!!!! Eric started it, Alex saw that it gets a reaction and now they both do it constantly. If fact, Danny and Andrea left yesterday and the first thing Alex said was, "Great, now you're going to be mad at us all the time again." WHAT?? I explained to her that if she did what she was supposed to and didn't do the things she isn't supposed to, then I wouldn't have to get after them. HA. Being a parent IS NOT EASY. And the jealousy...oh my goodness. If I cuddle with Alex or Ryleigh, Eric thinks I don't love him anymore. Is it a boy thing? The first child thing??? I don't know!!! If you find anything that works please pass it on to me!!!
I'm so proud of you for working out and eating healthier! You are doing great!! Don't worry about the occasional *pan* of brownies or eating out...it happens. And maybe that's what you needed at the time. It'll get better when summer comes and you can eat more fresh fruit and veggies and go for family walks etc. You are great! Remember that! :)
Love you!!
Venting is good. The little ones can say things that really hurt, even though they don't realize it. You ARE a great mom, and I don't want you to forget it. I know it is really hard to get past the obstructions in our lives. You are doing so great with zumba and looking good. I admire your stength and determination to go places you would rather not, and do things you don't want to. I can see the possitive attitude showing through. The orem maceys needs to change their store layout. Have the fruits and veggies where the baked goodies are. I think stores plan to undermine those who are trying to do better, if you think about it they all have the bakery up front. Except maybe smiths in Pleasant grove you walk in to the produce, you might have to change the store you shop at. Love you girl.
The best thing about having a blog like this is its the perfect place to vent. If people don't like it, they can stop reading. But those of us that don't mind, and want to help you through this will be glad to know how you are feeling, and try our best to help you!! You are a fantastic mom, wife, friend, woman in general. It won't always be like this. You are on your way to making awesome changes in yourself that will make you feel better about you, which will in turn make life better for those around you. You deserve to be happy. I am so lucky to have you as a friend, and as much as I can do to help you in any way, I will do it!! Love you friend!!
I totally know what you mean. It is so hard to not be inpatient with kids, or frustrated. Kaylee has said a few of those same things to me. It really hurts, because i want SO bad to be a good mom, and be a good example. I think it is something we ALL have to overcome and learn from. One thing that has helped me, is having enough sleep and enough "me time". When i get those, i am MUCH better to be around. Good luck woman. Dont be so hard on yourself! You are accomplishing great things!
This is not deep or very helpful, but at the SouthTowne Mall there is a playplace, with no fast food attached. I can't imagine it's the only Mall with such a thing. Maybe there are some other indoor places to play that don't involve food. The one at SouthTowne has a dinosaur theme, and it's separate from any store, so you can just go use it without spending any money.
You are doing awesome, and kids have away of reading what our insecurities are and expounding on them! They don't do it on purpose, but they are ego-centric and that is why it is only about them. Love you and so proud of what you are doing. I am pretty sure it will start to get warm so we can play outside!
It's hard to stay motivated...I'm hitting that point with my program I'm doing...not that I feel like I've accomplished "enough," but just that it's hard to keep doing it day after day. But, like you said, it's a new week! Keep working!
I hate that McD is the only place with a play place! There's nothing remotely healthy there, especially nothing a kid would eat! But, because of the play place, it's the stopping place on car trips, etc. It's hard, I know. What about malls near you? A lot have indoor playlands that are nicer (and less greasy) than the ones in McDonald's. Plus, then you can load up the stroller and walk a little there, too. Good luck!
Darn, I'm not looking forward to Katie being 4 in that regard! Maybe point out the times you ARE paying attention to him, saying, "See, we got to play together for an hour! Wasn't that fun?" Or make a schedule so that he can see there's time scheduled to do something that he wants to do each day. Even if it's something small, like having him help you make lunch or dinner. It's a good thing that Klous does express his feelings, and even though you know they're not true, it's how he feels. So when he says things like, "You never play with me..." then say, "That's not true, Klous! We played trucks/tag/hide-and-seek this morning!" Of course some days, you might have to say, "You're right, we didn't get to play very much today. What would you like to play with me tonight/tomorrow?" And then try to follow through. It's hard, though, I know, trying to get everything done in your home, errands, working out...and still pay full attention to your kids as much as you can. But the more you focus on their needs, the happier they'll be, and the happier you'll be. It's a constant effort to do this for me, but my best days are usually when I succeed at this!
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