I am RIDICULOUS...

So after my happy, excited posts the other day...I am PATHETIC now. :( I took the kids to McDonald's yesterday for lunch because they were good and earned it...and what do I do...instead of getting a salad or wrap or NOTHING at all...I order a Big Mac meal...13 points on WW...FATTY...UGH...

Disappointment....

Then today we ran more errands and were gone through lunch, and I'm lazy...so what do I do...run through the drive up at Taco Bell...it's fast, cheap, and fills us up...but again...I get a 5 layer burrito...which I found out is 14 points on WW...RIDICULOUS...

Pathetic...

So here I sit....no points left...broken into the "weekly added alotment" and just feeling GROSS....why can't I just STOP??? Why do I have one small voice telling me not to, but 700 BIG voices telling me WHO CARES?!?!?!

It's SO frustrating...

This weeks results...

So...I've been doing Weight Watchers for a week now...and I actually got up and went to the Rec Center EVERY morning last week...and did things in the evenings...so I'm succeeding on this new plan I've got going!!! We did the 5k on Saturday...and I just sat and VEGGED on Sunday!!! 

I weighed in yesterday...and I'm down 4 lbs :) :) :) WAHOO!!! I was happy and excited about that!!! I need to do measurements, so I can see how that is going too...just haven't yet!!!

Now just some negatives to starting all this...after doing the 5k...I have some MAJOR shin splints...OWWWW...they hurt...and it sucks hearing that I just have to STOP running til they heal...it felt so good to run...but now I just need to be done for awhile!?!?! Dang it...
And then there's the other exercises...went to Strength training this morning...and man oh man...that kicks my butt EVERY time...I am so weak and out of shape...with time I guess...it'll get better!!! But realizing I have muscles places that has NO strength...WOWZERS...that's hard to get used to!!!

Here's to this week...continued progress and success!!! I'm LOVING the emotional changes and things that are coming from doing all this!!! YAY!!!

Our 5K....

Ryan works with a guy whose daughter has juvenile diabetes.So every year this guy sets up a team from UCCU to participate in the 5k for diabetes!!! The last two years, we've had family weddings or things happening, so this is the first time we got to do it...and it was FUN!!! Richard had told Ryan there was LOTS for the kids...so we figured it would be good to try out!!! Race/run/exercise for the parents...and fun/games for the kids!!! And it's all for a GOOD cause!!! So we did it!!

We got to the park, and Klous saw BYU's COSMO mobile thing!!! He was so so excited...so we found Cosmo and got some pictures!!! Klous looks a little nervous in the picture, but he was brave and stood with Cosmo!!! Then we got Cosmo to be by ALL the kids...and then after that, Cosmo showed Klous he could do a backflip...so Klous had to show his mad skills and do a front flip with no hands!!! He was pretty proud!!! Silly kid...but he was HAPPY to see Cosmo!!!

Cosmo and the kiddos...and we were even happier, because BYU WON on Friday night!! WooHoo :)

This is Elizabeth (standing next to me)...and she's the daughter of Richard. The reason we were running and doing this race!!!

We started the race...and it was a little crowded and packed at first...until we got to the next street...then we could pass people and go at our own pace. I had wanted to run a little of it...just because that is something I'd like to eventually get to...RUNNING an entire 5k :) So we walked at first...then jogged/ran the next while...then walked to catch our breath...and get through the busy street again...then we ran some more!! It felt SOOO good...and it was great to see I could actually do it!!! We did our 2 laps of the course...and we finished!! WooHoo :) :) :) I didn't feel TOO tired...I was tired but not dying!!! I was just happy that we finished and succeeded and DID IT!! 

Ryan took the older 2 to the bathroom...so Kyson and I relaxed and listened to some music!! Aren't we cute!!!

Then we found someone to take a family picture of us!! Look how cute we all are in our matching shirts...and JUST finishing a 5k!!!! Klous rode his scooter the majority of the time...and the other 2 rode in the stroller!!! It was GOOD time for all of us!!! ...(can't believe how big our kiddos are getting)...

We got the lunch they had provided for us...and found some shade...the kids were ALL smiles...and just wanted to eat and get done, so they could go play!!!

LoL...I LOVE this picture!!! Aysha is oh so tired...and Kyson is SOOOO excited about his hot dog!!! I love it!! That kid just makes me laugh!!! His expressions and smiles just make me smile!!!

And this picture I love too...I wouldn't have been able to do the race without Ryan...I wouldn't have been able to run and KEEP running if he wasn't there encouraging me...so I love him to pieces...I'm so SO lucky to have such an amazing hubby!!! Who could ask for more!!! I love you babe!!!

We finished lunch...and headed to the games and FUN for the kids...it was a GREAT time and so worth our time and donation and energy!! And now I can say that I RAN in a 5k :)

It's a NEW day...

Here we are...ANOTHER Monday!!! A NEW day...a NEW week...a NEW start!!! I got up at 5:00 A.M this morning to go to the rec center with some friends...if I have someone waiting for me, I WILL go!!! We did strength training...HOLY MOLY...I am a weakling!!! But it'll get better...and you've gotta start somewhere right!!! 
So...this is the start of EXERCISING again!!! I need it!!! I've gotten into quite the slump...and I need to step it up...so here goes!!!

Then...on Saturday...I signed up for Weight Watchers...I did it. $65 for 4 months of the online program. I know I've heard that the meetings are better, because then you're accountable...and you have to check in...BUT...I had to do the online, because it has everything at my fingertips whenever I want it!!! Ryan said he'd join me and we'll do it together...and another friend has also signed up for it. So we'll see how it goes. Knowing that I'm only allowed so many points...and that I have to put in my food intake...it's a bit scary...so I'm definitely more aware of what's going in my mouth now!!! 
So...this is the start of EATING RIGHT again!!! I need this as well...and I need the support of family and friends to tell me...BECKI...DON'T EAT THAT!!! :) So we'll see how it goes...and figure it all out!!!

And one more...I came home from the rec center to a QUIET, peaceful house!!! Kids and hubby still sleeping...just me and my thoughts...I got the laptop out and pulled up lds.org. I have to start reading uplifting things to keep me going!!! And I found two GREAT talks from President Gordon B. Hinckley...(former president of the church). It was THIS one...that talks about women...and all the things we do, challeneges we have, responsibilities we have, and so on. But in the talk was this quote...

"To you young women with small children, yours is a tremendous challenge. So often there is not enough money. You must scrimp and save. You must be wise and careful in your expenditures. You must be strong and bold and brave and march forward with gladness in your eye and love in your heart. How blessed you are, my dear young mothers. You have children who will be yours forever. I hope that you have been sealed in the house of the Lord and that your family will be an everlasting family in the kingdom of our Father.

May you be given strength to carry your heavy load, to meet every obligation, to walk side by side with a good and faithful and caring man, and together with him rear and nurture and bring up your children in righteousness and truth. Nothing else you will ever own, no worldly thing you will ever acquire will be worth so much as the love of your children. God bless you, my dear, dear young mothers."

Now obviously this is the section that pertained to me...so it hit home!! And really made my day!!! I hope it can hit someone else too and brighten their day!?!?!

The other talk was THIS one...it's a little older, but you know...the thoughts and words NEVER get old!!! And I needed to read it as much as any other one!!! I know I don't give myself enough credit...I know I nag on myself...I know I need to work on things...but reading these talks and seeing that LOTS of women need to be reminded of our worth and our "job well-done"...it gives me hope. 

Here's to a NEW day, a NEW week, and a NEW start!!! I can make changes...I CAN improve things...and I CAN be happy again. Just takes little steps and little changes!!!

How do you LOVE and ACCEPT yourself???

So that's an awfully "blah" question as the title huh??? I've just been thinking and wondering the last few days. My last post got some GOOD, helpful comments...but the last one REALLY stuck out to me...and then chatting with that friend again...just got my brain going again. I don't really think...ok I know...I don't really love and accept myself for how I am. I'm constantly comparing myself with other women, moms, wives, daughters, sisters...every other female around really. I compare my life with other people's...I dwell on what everyone else has that I don't or may NEVER get. It's pathetic really...but it's what I do...and I'll admit it. 
While talking with my friend Janel today...I realized that she's right...and I need to change my outlook. I don't know how...I don't really know where to start...but I need to change. I've had several people tell me NOT to dwell on the scale...NOT to dwell on the mistakes...and to just accept me as me and be happy. HOW????????????

I know I have an AMAZING husband who loves me for who I am...and he tells me that daily...but I can't say that I do that?? I feel like some days I love myself...and I'm ok with who I am and what I look like...but NOT everyday??? Sad... :( 

There have been quotes given to me from friends...like this one...‎"It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you have." And I know there have been talks or articles from the general authorities about comparing yourselves...like this ONE. 

I guess I just don't know what to do?? I want to be happy with myself...with my life...I want to accept myself...I WANT to be an example to my kids so they KNOW that their Mommy LOVES Mommy...it can't just be a front...or a "fake it til you make it" thing. 

This last quote hit me...I do deserve it...I'm just not positive how to make it happen??? (P.S...I liked ALL these pictures I found to add to this post)

What to do...What to do...??????

What to do...what to do??? Oh man...I've had a LOT of thoughts lately. Most of them sad or negative thoughts...but I'm working on that!!! But amongst all of THAT...I have had LOTS of thoughts about what I should do with my "PLAN"...

You know...my BIG plan of losing weight...getting in shape...becoming healthier...and changing my lifestyle!!! Hmmmmm...how's that working for ya??? ha ha ha...not really working at all. :( 

What do I do??? I've considered Weight Watchers...but don't know where I'll pull the money from for that each month...(I STRONLGLY dislike money)...I've considered getting a studio or place to teach Zumba to actually make some money for it...(but will anyone actually come and follow along if it's NOT free???)...I've wanted to go through and clean out all my cupboards, drawers, shelves, and storage...(but that would be a LOT of wasted money...again STRONGLY disliking money lately)...so I just don't know what to do!?!?!?!

I would LOVE suggestions or advice!?!?! Has anyone done weight watchers!?!?! And is it really easy to stick to?? I know I just need to DO something and STICK to it...I've done it before, so I know I can...but what!?!?! I don't know???

Suggestions anyone???? Anyone want to join me and be my "buddy/partner" in this!?!?!

FAILURE...or feeling like one...

So remember who I posted back at the beginning of August and made all these grandioso plans and promises and what not!?!?! Ya...I FAILED...BIG TIME :( So now it's Sept. 5th...and I haven't gotten back on the "band-wagon"...haven't eaten better...or exercised more...just gotten lazier and fatter and more down on myself. UGH...I hate this...

But here goes...I got on the scale this morning...for the first time in a few weeks...because I was nervous to see what I'd find out...and sure enough...I should've just STAYED OFF of it...UGH. So disappointing and frustrating. Yes I've struggled with eating...yes I've been drinking more pop and less water...yes I've been teaching my Tuesday night Zumba class, but that's it. Haven't been walking as much...haven't been going to the rec center...just been lazy. 

But enough poor me poor me...yes it sucks...and yes I've failed myself yet again...but I can change that right??? I can make the decision to STOP what I'm doing now or have been doing for the last 3 months...and DO BETTER. Ryan even just said this morning..."let's commit to doing something...and change"...or something like that...so I know he wants to as well. Now just a matter of DOING IT...

Here's to improving...making dinners at home...drinking more water again...getting MORE into Zumba, because it really does make me happier...exercising more...eating better...being HAPPY...is that really so much?!?!? Nah...I can do it...cuz when I do, it makes things SOOOO much better around here.

So here is another NEW month...I CAN change...and I WILL take the steps needed to make changes...here goes!!! 

***Sorry for the lack of posting lately***