How could someone be so INCREDIBLY hearltess and RUDE?!?!? I will make this blog private if these kind of comments will be coming through. What a way to "encourage" me and "help"...I can make assumptions of who did this...but I'll never get an honest answer...so I just wanted to make EVERYONE else aware who reads this blog...whoever did that is PATHETIC...
Here's the thing...my last blog post...when I just wanted help...to vent...or whatever...cuz you know that's what a blog is about...this is a comment I get from an "anonymous" person....
http://www.webmd.com/managing-bipolar/depression-information
Ya...nice huh!?!?! Just that website...just that...nothing else...no explanation. Nice huh!?!?! Way to go whoever you are...
Monday, February 28, 2011
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Why??
So why is it that we as women take SO much out on ourselves?? Why do we beat ourselves up, and be SO incredibly hard on ourselves and each other?? Why can't we just accept things how they are and realize that a LOT of things we can't change?? We can't change the past...we can't predict the future...all we can do is accept what we have to MOVE FORWARD.
Some things have happened over the weekend that I'm not real proud of...but they happened. Some issues just get built up TOO much and finally I explode...and it brings out a LOT of cooped up anger, frustration, and more. So I don't know how to change that...I don't know how to feel about reactions that come from it. I know it's a weakness I have...and I have to accept that and MOVE FORWARD. However...it's difficult.
I'm tired of wondering and worrying what other people think...how they feel about me...what they say about me when I'm not around...if they like me OR my kids & hubby...I don't know. I say I don't care...but we all know that deep down we all really do care...so what do I do!?!?!
WHY is being a woman so difficult??...and WHY do I beat myself up so much??...and WHY do I always feel like I have to accept the blame for things and just deal with it, to make others feel better and to "fix" their problems!?!?! WHY WHY WHY!?!??!
Friday, February 25, 2011
Just some of my recents thoughts...
Hello friends...
I've been having some thoughts this last week. My eyes have been opened a bit more the last few days...and I just thought I'd share some of them!?!?! I hope no one minds my...what could be considered...blabbing and venting!!!
Anyways...there's been some added stress...happenings in our life lately...and I just want for things to work out and happen. So we'll see what happens...BUT...it has made us realize how we're lacking on our spirituality and how we need to improve. That has been a GREAT thing for me...and is mostly the reason so many things have opened my eyes this week. Isn't it just so great to know that even when we fall away...stray...stop communicating with our Heavenly Father...that whenever we start again...or even if we don't...that He's still there and still loves us...NO MATTER WHAT. I love that!!
So the other day...we were driving to Ryan's work to have lunch with him. I was stopped at a red light...in the turn lane (going left)...and had been there since the light turned red. Now I'm not sure how they decide which direction will have a green turn arrow...or if they both will or neither of them!?!? I don't know...but this time I didn't get it...the other direction coming towards us...they got the green arrow and green light...they start going (obviously)...but there I sit waiting my turn and see this car coming from my left...CRUISING along...not slowing down or even stopping for the RED LIGHT. The first car coming through the green light totally hits the car that ran their red light...I just sat with my hands at my mouth in shock and awe...couldn't believe he actually ran the light WAY after it had been red...obviously not paying attention...in shock that there wasn't more damage or problems done from it...in awe that the guy who got hit (who ran the red light) looked around like everyone else was STUPID...and like he had done nothing wrong. Then when I tried to flip around LEGALLY...and see if I could do anything...I realized the car who got hit just took off...didn't stop or pull over anywhere...just got on a different street and took off...and the car who hit him...realized nothing was gonna happen...so they took off too!?!?!? WHAT THE!?!?!?
Anyways...it scared Klous cuz he watched the whole thing too...it shook me up cuz I was right there and saw it all happen and it just freaked me out. But even more then that...it shook me up to think...that had I gotten the green turn arrow...I would've started going...and WE would've been completely side-swiped by that car who was cruising through the red light. He would've hit us right on the driver's side where I was and Klous was behind me. FREAKY...but then I think that Heavenly Father was watching over us...He knew what was going to happen...and He prevented us from being the ones to get hit, hurt, or anything else.
Ok...that's one thought...
Then there's this one...I've been so impatient and stressed with the kids lately!?!?! I don't know what the deal is...other then I have a 4 yr old...2 yr old...and 1 yr old!?!?! I mean...come on...that's stressful right!?!?! Klous tries so hard to help...or play with the other 2 kids...and then he just wants us to play with him or do something with him...BUT him alone. He's very much about one-on-one time!?!?! Can't really do that with 2 other kids...a husband...a tiny living space...and on and on. Then there's Aysha...she's so incredibly dramatic...but tough at the same time. She holds her own with Klous...and will bat those BIG brown eyes to get what she wants. She screams...she slaps...she hits back...she DOESN'T listen...she always wants her baby, blankies, and BINKI...AHHHHHHHHHH...I don't know what to do with her!?!?! She's old enough to not have her binki...but I guess for selfish reasons I'm not ready to go through the 2-3 HARD days of not having it!?!?! And of course our "little" guy...Kyson...he just sits and watched the other 2. He's learning things from them...and he's trying to keep up with them. He's 14 months now...and he's NOT walking?? Doesn't even have a desire to do so!?!?! (Klous was walking at 9 months...and Aysha at a year)...so for Kyson to not do it yet...AHHHHHHHHH...it's kinda frustrating. And maybe more so because he weighs 23 or 25 lbs!?!? I don't remember for sure...but regardless...he's NOT light by any means. Not only is he heavy...he also hasn't been sleeping great...his ear has been draining yuckage...but he doesn't seem bothered by it??? He's constipated kind of often...and it's just really different from the other two...
ANYWAYS...just a LOT of different struggles and stresses with each kid...and I can't seem to find the balance with any of it. I get upset...I get frustrated...I get angry...and then I shut down. Ryan is amazing and takes over when he can tell I've had it...and he lets me go when I need a break...but then I feel guilty that I'm leaving...so!?!?! Lose-lose situation...
I've read another friends blog...and she just inspires me...I need to take lessons from her and realize that how I'm talking and treating my kids will have a lasting affect on them...and so I need to improve and do things better...but where do I start!?!? I need to just find the balance...I need to find the ability to REALLY pick and choose my battles. I need to realize that they're KIDS and things aren't going to go how I want them to go...so I just need to LET IT GO!?!?!? But why is it so difficult!?!?! I do tend to worry and wonder what other people are thinking...what their opinion is of me and my "parenting skills"...or lack thereof!!! Because I don't know about some of you other moms...but I feel when we're "OUT"...or what ever...that some of the older generation look at me like I'm CRAZY...and I'm not handling my kids right...and I'm not dealing with them correctly...or that they're just COMPLETELY out of control...you know cuz they're crying...or whining...or upset or WHATEVER...because apparently that generation has FORGOTTEN that they had kids ONCE too...and they had to bring them to stores or in public...and I would hope they're remember that their kids weren't angels all the time either!?!?!?
I don't know...just a LOT on my mind...can you tell!!
I'm sorry...this is long...thank you for reading it if you made it all the way through...feel free to comment and give me any pointers or things that have helped you!?!?!? I have more to say...but I'll stop for now!!! Sorry for the venting...but thank YOU for reading it all!!
I've been having some thoughts this last week. My eyes have been opened a bit more the last few days...and I just thought I'd share some of them!?!?! I hope no one minds my...what could be considered...blabbing and venting!!!
Anyways...there's been some added stress...happenings in our life lately...and I just want for things to work out and happen. So we'll see what happens...BUT...it has made us realize how we're lacking on our spirituality and how we need to improve. That has been a GREAT thing for me...and is mostly the reason so many things have opened my eyes this week. Isn't it just so great to know that even when we fall away...stray...stop communicating with our Heavenly Father...that whenever we start again...or even if we don't...that He's still there and still loves us...NO MATTER WHAT. I love that!!
So the other day...we were driving to Ryan's work to have lunch with him. I was stopped at a red light...in the turn lane (going left)...and had been there since the light turned red. Now I'm not sure how they decide which direction will have a green turn arrow...or if they both will or neither of them!?!? I don't know...but this time I didn't get it...the other direction coming towards us...they got the green arrow and green light...they start going (obviously)...but there I sit waiting my turn and see this car coming from my left...CRUISING along...not slowing down or even stopping for the RED LIGHT. The first car coming through the green light totally hits the car that ran their red light...I just sat with my hands at my mouth in shock and awe...couldn't believe he actually ran the light WAY after it had been red...obviously not paying attention...in shock that there wasn't more damage or problems done from it...in awe that the guy who got hit (who ran the red light) looked around like everyone else was STUPID...and like he had done nothing wrong. Then when I tried to flip around LEGALLY...and see if I could do anything...I realized the car who got hit just took off...didn't stop or pull over anywhere...just got on a different street and took off...and the car who hit him...realized nothing was gonna happen...so they took off too!?!?!? WHAT THE!?!?!?
Anyways...it scared Klous cuz he watched the whole thing too...it shook me up cuz I was right there and saw it all happen and it just freaked me out. But even more then that...it shook me up to think...that had I gotten the green turn arrow...I would've started going...and WE would've been completely side-swiped by that car who was cruising through the red light. He would've hit us right on the driver's side where I was and Klous was behind me. FREAKY...but then I think that Heavenly Father was watching over us...He knew what was going to happen...and He prevented us from being the ones to get hit, hurt, or anything else.
Ok...that's one thought...
Then there's this one...I've been so impatient and stressed with the kids lately!?!?! I don't know what the deal is...other then I have a 4 yr old...2 yr old...and 1 yr old!?!?! I mean...come on...that's stressful right!?!?! Klous tries so hard to help...or play with the other 2 kids...and then he just wants us to play with him or do something with him...BUT him alone. He's very much about one-on-one time!?!?! Can't really do that with 2 other kids...a husband...a tiny living space...and on and on. Then there's Aysha...she's so incredibly dramatic...but tough at the same time. She holds her own with Klous...and will bat those BIG brown eyes to get what she wants. She screams...she slaps...she hits back...she DOESN'T listen...she always wants her baby, blankies, and BINKI...AHHHHHHHHHH...I don't know what to do with her!?!?! She's old enough to not have her binki...but I guess for selfish reasons I'm not ready to go through the 2-3 HARD days of not having it!?!?! And of course our "little" guy...Kyson...he just sits and watched the other 2. He's learning things from them...and he's trying to keep up with them. He's 14 months now...and he's NOT walking?? Doesn't even have a desire to do so!?!?! (Klous was walking at 9 months...and Aysha at a year)...so for Kyson to not do it yet...AHHHHHHHHH...it's kinda frustrating. And maybe more so because he weighs 23 or 25 lbs!?!? I don't remember for sure...but regardless...he's NOT light by any means. Not only is he heavy...he also hasn't been sleeping great...his ear has been draining yuckage...but he doesn't seem bothered by it??? He's constipated kind of often...and it's just really different from the other two...
ANYWAYS...just a LOT of different struggles and stresses with each kid...and I can't seem to find the balance with any of it. I get upset...I get frustrated...I get angry...and then I shut down. Ryan is amazing and takes over when he can tell I've had it...and he lets me go when I need a break...but then I feel guilty that I'm leaving...so!?!?! Lose-lose situation...
I've read another friends blog...and she just inspires me...I need to take lessons from her and realize that how I'm talking and treating my kids will have a lasting affect on them...and so I need to improve and do things better...but where do I start!?!? I need to just find the balance...I need to find the ability to REALLY pick and choose my battles. I need to realize that they're KIDS and things aren't going to go how I want them to go...so I just need to LET IT GO!?!?!? But why is it so difficult!?!?! I do tend to worry and wonder what other people are thinking...what their opinion is of me and my "parenting skills"...or lack thereof!!! Because I don't know about some of you other moms...but I feel when we're "OUT"...or what ever...that some of the older generation look at me like I'm CRAZY...and I'm not handling my kids right...and I'm not dealing with them correctly...or that they're just COMPLETELY out of control...you know cuz they're crying...or whining...or upset or WHATEVER...because apparently that generation has FORGOTTEN that they had kids ONCE too...and they had to bring them to stores or in public...and I would hope they're remember that their kids weren't angels all the time either!?!?!?
I don't know...just a LOT on my mind...can you tell!!
I'm sorry...this is long...thank you for reading it if you made it all the way through...feel free to comment and give me any pointers or things that have helped you!?!?!? I have more to say...but I'll stop for now!!! Sorry for the venting...but thank YOU for reading it all!!
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Results...stress makes you lose weight....
So I figured I better get this posted before I forget!!! I weighed in this morning...and was actually quite surprised. I was down to 198.8...which means I'm down 2 lbs from last week...CRAZY. Apparently stress will do that to you!?!??! Because I know for a fact that the Oreos and milk will NOT cause that to happen!!!
I won't complain though...because I'm thrilled...and just happy to see the number go DOWN!!! Yay for me!!! Here's to making better results for next week!!!
Also...I wanted to thank you all for your comments and support on my last post. It was HARD to write and put out there for everyone to see...so thank you for still caring, loving, and being there for me!! Means more then you guys know!! I appreciate knowing that I've got people out there that care and will listen when I need it most!!! And most of all...I'm so incredibly grateful for an amazing husband who loves me no matter what. Even at my hardest, rudest moments...he's still there waiting...and my kids who have the best forgiving skills. I need to take lessons from them all...I am one lucky girl...and as one comment said (thanks Steph...) I need to realize the GOOD when the bad is so bad!!!
I love you all!!!
I won't complain though...because I'm thrilled...and just happy to see the number go DOWN!!! Yay for me!!! Here's to making better results for next week!!!
Also...I wanted to thank you all for your comments and support on my last post. It was HARD to write and put out there for everyone to see...so thank you for still caring, loving, and being there for me!! Means more then you guys know!! I appreciate knowing that I've got people out there that care and will listen when I need it most!!! And most of all...I'm so incredibly grateful for an amazing husband who loves me no matter what. Even at my hardest, rudest moments...he's still there waiting...and my kids who have the best forgiving skills. I need to take lessons from them all...I am one lucky girl...and as one comment said (thanks Steph...) I need to realize the GOOD when the bad is so bad!!!
I love you all!!!
Monday, February 21, 2011
Oh LIFE...ugh...
Well I forgot to weigh in again this morning...it's a holiday...Ryan was off...kids got me up at 7:30...I was ANNOYED...and went back to bed til Ryan woke me up and said sleep wasn't going to help my problems...so yeah...never weighed in. I'll do it tomorrow morning...and we'll see what it says. It hasn't been a good week...weight loss areas at least. I only went to Zumba ONCE last week...and it's totally taking a toll on me. With a migraine...and just really a lack of desire...I didn't go :(...then eating healthy...YA RIGHT...I just am sucking it up lately. I'm not being strong enough to turn down temptation food. I've drank TOO much pop again...and not enough water. Headaches are a great reminder of that...I'm dehydrated and have been for awhile...so when I don't get enough water...I know it's affecting my headaches.
Anyways...so I'm just struggling. I was doing SO good for so long...and things were looking up for me...and I was improving...so what happens!?!?! I think I'm healed!! Again...YA RIGHT...but without thinking or realizing it...I've not been taking my anti-depressants...I've been eating CRAPPY...I haven't been exercising...and now look at me. I slept about 80% of today while I was home...when I was awake...I was screaming at the kids...annoyed with Ryan...taking EVERYTHING out on him...and finally I just LEFT. I couldn't do it...I had a Zumba class to go to today...and we were all going to go to Ryan's parents (the class was at his parents church)...but while we were getting ready...he tried talking to me and reasoning with me...and I FLIPPED. He got upset...I got MORE upset...and I just left. I drove around for awhile and didn't know where to go or what to do. I didn't want to follow through and go to Zumba...cuz then he'd know where I was. So I went and sat in the car, in a parking lot for awhile...then finally realized I was being STUPID. So I went to Zumba...and it felt GOOD. I was more tired and worn out then I have been in a long time...but I felt ok. I was still not doing GREAT...so therefore...I just left again. I didn't want to go where my husband and kids were...(call me horrible or think of me as a horrible person...I'm just being honest)...so I just drove away again...I went tanning...I got my haircut...I drove around more...I went to the grocery store...and finally it was 8 p.m. (I left around 4)...So I came home.
Ryan & the kids were here...I felt HORRIBLE for just up and leaving...but seriously didn't know whatelse to do!?!?! Any of you who are reading this and have dealt with depression...you'll know what I'm talking about...those of you who have NEVER dealt with it...you won't understand. BUT...I just had to GET OUT...I had thoughts of going farther away...I had some negative thoughts I won't get into...and I texted my sister in MN because I really wanted to just go show up on her doorstep. Obviously I couldn't...but I wanted to. I'm so SICK of dealing with this crap...I just want it gone...but it will take time.
There have been some kind of stressful things happening in the last week...and I think that PLUS not taking my meds PLUS not exercising PLUS not eating better...I think all that stuff is really hitting me and taking a toll. I've been so good for so long...and obviously this just shows me I'm NOT healed. So here's to realizing I still have a ways to go...I still need to take it a day at a time...and I will still have bad days.
I love my husband...I love my kids...and usually I love my life. But today SUCKED...really this whole weekend kind of did...and I just need to make changes to get over it. I don't know how or why Ryan puts up with my crap so much...but I'm so grateful he does...I am one lucky lady to have someone who will be waiting for me at home when I pull my head out of my butt and realize that I need to COME HOME. So thank you babe...
Sorry for the venting/ranting/negative post...stay tuned tomorrow for a weigh in one...
UGH...life...tomorrow can be better...
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Not cool...
So I'm a day behind...but with it being Valentine's Day yesterday...and Ryan being home...I didn't really do my "normal" Monday stuff. So the weigh in and all that happened this morning...so here's my post...
I GAINED a POUND :( :( :( The End...
Just kidding...I am bummed...and upset at myself...but I need to just get over it and move on. I have really been SLACKING on eating ok lately...especially with extra treats and things for V-day...oh AND I found springtime Oreos...UGH...so needless to say...my sugar weakness and cravings gave in...and here I am with another pound added on...instead of coming off.
Also...I've caught myself drinking more things other then water...(pop)...which isn't good at all...so bring on the pounds if this keeps up.
I've done good this week...I've gone grocery shopping...I got LOTS of fruits and veggies...good meats to make meals at home...and I'm going to improve things this week. I need to get on the bandwagon again...so here I go...BOO to gaining a pound though...
I GAINED a POUND :( :( :( The End...
Just kidding...I am bummed...and upset at myself...but I need to just get over it and move on. I have really been SLACKING on eating ok lately...especially with extra treats and things for V-day...oh AND I found springtime Oreos...UGH...so needless to say...my sugar weakness and cravings gave in...and here I am with another pound added on...instead of coming off.
Also...I've caught myself drinking more things other then water...(pop)...which isn't good at all...so bring on the pounds if this keeps up.
I've done good this week...I've gone grocery shopping...I got LOTS of fruits and veggies...good meats to make meals at home...and I'm going to improve things this week. I need to get on the bandwagon again...so here I go...BOO to gaining a pound though...
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Exciting...
So I was out last night...I went tanning...and then ran some errands for some cute Valentine's stuff!!! I also stopped by Old Navy to get some new pants for Klous...but while I was there...I thought maybe a new outfit would be cute for me for Valentine's day!?!?!? Maybe Ryan would like that!?!?!?
Anyways...I'm checking sizes and pants...I found some jeans size 14, 16...you know the "norm" for me...BLAH :(
I didn't even want to try the 16s...cuz I thought for sure they'd be too big...I mean I AM losing weight AND inches...so I put those back and brought some 14's back to try on...THEY WERE TOO BIG!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH :) I couldn't believe it...so I went back and got some 12's...they were a bit too small...but close. So apparently I'm in that "in between" size they don't usually make for women...so I put them all back and didn't get anything.
It was just great knowing that I am getting smaller...and I see NO point in buying pants that are the "in between" size...because I know where I want to get to...and I'm not there yet...so here's to working harder and GETTING to that goal...and smaller size of pants!!!
Sorry babe...no new pants for me to wear for you...maybe next year?!?!?! ;)
Anyways...I'm checking sizes and pants...I found some jeans size 14, 16...you know the "norm" for me...BLAH :(
I didn't even want to try the 16s...cuz I thought for sure they'd be too big...I mean I AM losing weight AND inches...so I put those back and brought some 14's back to try on...THEY WERE TOO BIG!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH :) I couldn't believe it...so I went back and got some 12's...they were a bit too small...but close. So apparently I'm in that "in between" size they don't usually make for women...so I put them all back and didn't get anything.
It was just great knowing that I am getting smaller...and I see NO point in buying pants that are the "in between" size...because I know where I want to get to...and I'm not there yet...so here's to working harder and GETTING to that goal...and smaller size of pants!!!
Sorry babe...no new pants for me to wear for you...maybe next year?!?!?! ;)
Monday, February 7, 2011
New week...CAN be a new start...
I don't have a whole lot to say today...but it is Monday...and I weighed in this morning!!! Nothing exciting to report...well maybe it is...but it could be better. But I'm the same...didn't gain...didn't lose...just the SAME.
Which really when I think about this whole last week...that is kind of impressive. I ate out a LOT last week and totally FAILED on my whole "not taking the kids to McDonald's as much" thing I said. :( It's horrible...but I just don't know whatelse to do during the day...when I'm SO sick of being cooped up in the house...we're out and about anyways...AND there's a playplace there for them. So!?!?!? UGH...yeah just not a good week for that!! And we spent TOO much money last week going out for that and with family...so this week is a NEW start. No matter how healthy of choices you make...you're still not cooking it or seeing what's going in all of it...so this week is eat at home week!! Or pack your own lunch week to go play!?!?! We'll see how it goes!!!
Also...I was a bit depressed and down the end of last week...just a lot of things hitting me that got me down. Life just doesn't always go as we'd like...and it SUCKS sometimes. Also...when my 4-yr old starts pointing things out to me...or saying things to Ryan and I about how he's being treated or NOT treated...it really makes me feel pathetic and not worthy of being a parent. Within the last 4-5 days, Klous has said these few things...as Ryan was sitting the couch with Aysha & Kyson...with Klous on the other couch...he says..."you guys never pay attention to me". Then this morning he wasn't listening when I was asking him to help me...and hurry to get ready to go to Wal-Mart...too focused on the tv or something...I don't know. So I was getting a little stern and frustrated with him...and he looks at me and asks..."Mommy...why are you ALWAYS mad at me?? I just want you to be happy with me?"...so I tell him "I don't know bud...I just get upset and maybe I'm just not a good mommy"...and he proceeds to tell me..."you're a good Mommy...I just don't know why you're always mad at me...I want you to be happy". UGH...talk about making me feel terrible :( Then tonight as I'm getting ready for Zumba...he wants to help tie or untie my shoes...I tell him he can untie one...it was a double know though...so he couldn't get it, and I was already running late...so then he gets upset and says..."you NEVER let me help you with anything...you ALWAYS do it"...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...what do I do!?!?! Obviously I know I'm not perfect...I have a LOT of struggles and am REALLY impatient at times with my kids...but how AWFUL that my 4-yr old has to bring those things to my attention and make me aware that he's feeling so alone??? left out??? sad??? constantly yelled at?? I don't know...just makes me sad :(
What to do!?!?! So anyways...with those things going on...I beat myself up a LOT...and when I get upset...I haven't figured out how to NOT turn to sweets and foods I really like...so what did I do Saturday night when I was upset!?!?! Oh yeah...I go to Maceys to get "milk"...what do I come home with?? Milk...+ MINT BROWNIES...+ a LOT of other things. BLAH...and who ate the majority of the brownies!?!?! MOMMY...ya...not so cool...and I really paid for it at Zumba tonight.
Oh well...I do need to look at the positive I suppose...I have been told by a few people this last week as well that they're noticing and can tell I've lost weight...so that makes me happy...I just NEED to keep working...and improving...I CAN do it...this week CAN start fresh and be BETTER then last week...here's to succeeding!!! DECIDE...COMMIT...SUCCEED!!! (Thanks Eric) :) :) :)
**********Sorry for the moping and venting...************
Which really when I think about this whole last week...that is kind of impressive. I ate out a LOT last week and totally FAILED on my whole "not taking the kids to McDonald's as much" thing I said. :( It's horrible...but I just don't know whatelse to do during the day...when I'm SO sick of being cooped up in the house...we're out and about anyways...AND there's a playplace there for them. So!?!?!? UGH...yeah just not a good week for that!! And we spent TOO much money last week going out for that and with family...so this week is a NEW start. No matter how healthy of choices you make...you're still not cooking it or seeing what's going in all of it...so this week is eat at home week!! Or pack your own lunch week to go play!?!?! We'll see how it goes!!!
Also...I was a bit depressed and down the end of last week...just a lot of things hitting me that got me down. Life just doesn't always go as we'd like...and it SUCKS sometimes. Also...when my 4-yr old starts pointing things out to me...or saying things to Ryan and I about how he's being treated or NOT treated...it really makes me feel pathetic and not worthy of being a parent. Within the last 4-5 days, Klous has said these few things...as Ryan was sitting the couch with Aysha & Kyson...with Klous on the other couch...he says..."you guys never pay attention to me". Then this morning he wasn't listening when I was asking him to help me...and hurry to get ready to go to Wal-Mart...too focused on the tv or something...I don't know. So I was getting a little stern and frustrated with him...and he looks at me and asks..."Mommy...why are you ALWAYS mad at me?? I just want you to be happy with me?"...so I tell him "I don't know bud...I just get upset and maybe I'm just not a good mommy"...and he proceeds to tell me..."you're a good Mommy...I just don't know why you're always mad at me...I want you to be happy". UGH...talk about making me feel terrible :( Then tonight as I'm getting ready for Zumba...he wants to help tie or untie my shoes...I tell him he can untie one...it was a double know though...so he couldn't get it, and I was already running late...so then he gets upset and says..."you NEVER let me help you with anything...you ALWAYS do it"...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...what do I do!?!?! Obviously I know I'm not perfect...I have a LOT of struggles and am REALLY impatient at times with my kids...but how AWFUL that my 4-yr old has to bring those things to my attention and make me aware that he's feeling so alone??? left out??? sad??? constantly yelled at?? I don't know...just makes me sad :(
What to do!?!?! So anyways...with those things going on...I beat myself up a LOT...and when I get upset...I haven't figured out how to NOT turn to sweets and foods I really like...so what did I do Saturday night when I was upset!?!?! Oh yeah...I go to Maceys to get "milk"...what do I come home with?? Milk...+ MINT BROWNIES...+ a LOT of other things. BLAH...and who ate the majority of the brownies!?!?! MOMMY...ya...not so cool...and I really paid for it at Zumba tonight.
Oh well...I do need to look at the positive I suppose...I have been told by a few people this last week as well that they're noticing and can tell I've lost weight...so that makes me happy...I just NEED to keep working...and improving...I CAN do it...this week CAN start fresh and be BETTER then last week...here's to succeeding!!! DECIDE...COMMIT...SUCCEED!!! (Thanks Eric) :) :) :)
**********Sorry for the moping and venting...************
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Weigh-In...AND Measurements...
Alright everyone...I did it...I weighed in yesterday morning...AND did my measurements for the month...Whew....it was exciting!! I got a new scale at Costco this weekend...so I had to figure out the difference in my old one and this one...that was disappointing seeing as how there was a 1 lb difference...and the new one still has me at 200.6 UGH...
Anyways...so for this week I gained a pound...putting me only at a 9lb weight loss. Sad huh...not really...just a down week. I ate TERRIBLY...had a visit from Aunt Flow ;)...and was stressed...hurting (my thumb)...and not doing very well. So I guess it's to be expected...and at least it's just one!!! So now I'm at 200.6 starting again...which means on my new scale I would've started the very beginning at 209...BLAH :)
BUT...some good news...measurements were GREAT!!! Hooray...good news!!! Here's what they are...
Arms - 12 (.5 inches LOST on each)
Chest - 43 (3 inches LOST)
Waist - 44 (1 inch LOST)
Thighs - 24.5 (1.5 inches LOST on each)
Hips - still 45...figured they won't change cuz they are a BONE...and that won't shrink!?!?! So don't know that I'll measure those anymore!?!?!?
TOTAL LOST - 8 INCHES!!! WOO HOO :) :) :)
Nice huh!!! I can tell my chest is smaller...of course my MONGO boobs are shrinking...and Ryan noticed that as well!! Of course ;) But I'm able to wear jeans I like again...and not feel like a fool putting them on!! So that's exciting!!!
So anyways...here's to losing 9 lbs so far...and 8 inches!!! That's all in a month...pretty impressive if you ask me...I'm proud of myself!!! And that's with me still eating sugars...brownies twice this month...drinking pop a couple times...and having NOT the best diet...maybe if I work on that more...this month will have even better results!?!?! Who knows!?!?!?
So here's what I want to try for February...I want to exercise in the mornings at home...if I can't get to the rec center...AND still do Zumba!!! And I would like to do a dinner calendar and make healthier meal choices...not so much McDonald's with the kids...even though it's fun for them to play!!!
Here's to this month!! WOO HOO :) :) :)
Anyways...so for this week I gained a pound...putting me only at a 9lb weight loss. Sad huh...not really...just a down week. I ate TERRIBLY...had a visit from Aunt Flow ;)...and was stressed...hurting (my thumb)...and not doing very well. So I guess it's to be expected...and at least it's just one!!! So now I'm at 200.6 starting again...which means on my new scale I would've started the very beginning at 209...BLAH :)
BUT...some good news...measurements were GREAT!!! Hooray...good news!!! Here's what they are...
Arms - 12 (.5 inches LOST on each)
Chest - 43 (3 inches LOST)
Waist - 44 (1 inch LOST)
Thighs - 24.5 (1.5 inches LOST on each)
Hips - still 45...figured they won't change cuz they are a BONE...and that won't shrink!?!?! So don't know that I'll measure those anymore!?!?!?
TOTAL LOST - 8 INCHES!!! WOO HOO :) :) :)
Nice huh!!! I can tell my chest is smaller...of course my MONGO boobs are shrinking...and Ryan noticed that as well!! Of course ;) But I'm able to wear jeans I like again...and not feel like a fool putting them on!! So that's exciting!!!
So anyways...here's to losing 9 lbs so far...and 8 inches!!! That's all in a month...pretty impressive if you ask me...I'm proud of myself!!! And that's with me still eating sugars...brownies twice this month...drinking pop a couple times...and having NOT the best diet...maybe if I work on that more...this month will have even better results!?!?! Who knows!?!?!?
So here's what I want to try for February...I want to exercise in the mornings at home...if I can't get to the rec center...AND still do Zumba!!! And I would like to do a dinner calendar and make healthier meal choices...not so much McDonald's with the kids...even though it's fun for them to play!!!
Here's to this month!! WOO HOO :) :) :)
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