What a week!!! Whew...

So this week has been a WEEK!!! Let me tell you!!! There has been a LOT of things going on in my little head...and it's caused a lot of issues and moods and feelings and things. Yes my surroundings, or activities, or whatever of each day contributed to it...but it has been QUITE a week. UGH....I've had a LOT of days where I felt like <<<<<<-------------------THAT. Pouting...wanting to just sit and cry...and just having a CRAPPY day....or days.

I was frustrated with myself....frustrated with money (or lack of money)...annoyed with life and how I can't seem to achieve ANY of my goals as quickly as I'd like...or that I wasn't seeing the results I wanted WHEN I wanted. So not only was I pouting and having my own little pity party...but I was WHINING....

Nothing seemed to be working right...nothing was going right...Ryan & I just kept arguing and fighting...the kids wouldn't listen AT ALL to me...they kept whining...(wonder where they learned it from)??? And life was just SUCKY...

Monday was ok...Tuesday got worse and I was LOT more annoyed...things weren't going as I would've liked...and comments were made or looks were given...and I was just UPSET...I worked out...it felt AWESOME...and it was almost enough to get me to move on...but I still had this thought and feeling in my head..... 

Not very nice eh....but that's how I felt. 

I wanted to be ALONE...I didn't want to bother anyone, because that's all I seemed to be doing. So I started to go into my own shell. 

Wednesday it was BEAUTIFUL outside...I took the kids around the track at the hospital...and it felt SO good to sweat off some issues and feelings...they were pooped out...I was pooped out...and it was lunch/naptime...it was GREAT!!! Picnic in the yard...friends to play with...and then NAPS!!! Best time of day right!!! I got my Slim in 6 workout in during naps and I was feeling even better!!!

Then came Thursday...(Tues/Thurs ALWAYS seem to be my struggle days)...and I was in a mood...let me tell you!!! (well really just ask my hubby)...I was NOT happy...I was irritated...annoyed...moody...whiny...and just plain ol' CRABBY...

UGH...

I vented and complained a bit online... :(....You think it'll solve the problems, but really it doesn't, because you just sound like an idiot and whiner!!! So I finally decided the best thing for me to do would be EXERCISE!! Funny how that's one of my first thoughts now instead of chow down on CRAP!!! And let me tell you...that workout...that sweat...that BUTT KICKING dvd is AMAZING!!! It totally rejuvenates me...makes me relax and realize I'm not that terrible...makes me feel like I CAN do something...I CAN accomplish what I want...and I AM worth it!!! Then of course there's Zumba Thursday nights that I just LOVE LOVE LOVE...I can make a total fool of myself, get a workout in, AND have a great time laughing/smiling ALL in ONE HOUR!!! It's great...who could ask for more!?!?!

Anyways...today is a new day...I'm feeling better...I'm feeling like I really don't have that much to complain about...I have an amazing husband who sticks by my side even when I'm a "not nice person"...I have 3 beautiful, healthy kids who love me NO matter what...I have a roof over my head, food to fill my tummy, clothes to cover my shrinking body, and the knowledge that things could be SO SO SO much worse...friends who care and want to cheer me up...people who comment and post on my things and tell me to GET OUT OF YOUR FUNK...(or in different words)...and I have an attitude that I can choose daily...No One else can choose it for me...just ME. So why choose to be grumpy!?!?! It takes a LOT more muscles to frown then it does to smile and laugh!!! So let's LAUGH and SMILE :) :) :) :)

And then there's Eric...who continues to post uplifting, helpful, MUCH needed quotes or thoughts...and this was one I really needed this week. 

 This new DVD of the series I started this week is NOT easy....it kicks my trash every time...but it is SO worth it!!! I feel SO good...am fitting into my clothes better...and people are noticing changes...how can I complain about that!?!?!? It's working...and I WILL KEEP GOING!!!

So let's all choose to SMILE and make this coming weekend/week a better one then the last...I'll do it...who's with me!?!?!? 

Just a thought...

It's really easy to say you are going to do something. True strength and character lie in following up those words with action,dedication and commitment to what your words represent.

-Eric

I don't know if he got this from somewhere or not...but I LOVED it when I read it. I have said SO SO SO many times before that I'm going to do this...I'm going to start Monday...This is MY month...blah blah blah....well obviously I NEVER stuck to any of those...now I can honestly say I am DOING IT...I am SUCCEEDING...and I AM LOVING IT!!!! Some days are hard...YES...but the GOOD days really out-weigh the hardest/worst days....

SO...to all those out there who WANT this...quit saying you want it...and get up and DO IT!!!!

DECIDE...COMMIT...SUCCEED...

If I can do it...so can you!!! 

 

Roller-Coaster ride...

Seriously...who knew this "adventure" and journey would be SUCH a roller-coaster!?!?!?! I'm sick of it...
How can I go from such a high on Tuesday of my weigh-in/results...to now where I'm so low...wanna give up...wanna quit...UGH...
It's SO frustrating....
I've had a tough couple days...haven't eaten like I should...Valentine's day candy laying around...one chocolate here or there won't hurt...RIGHT!?!?! NOT...cuz I'm losing the motivation or desire to only eat ONE...one isn't a problem...it's the next one and the next and so on...I'm not doing TERRIBLE...but I know I shouldn't have them. So!?!?!? Yesterday I had to beat myself up...and punish myself...and be STRICT...I had a protein shake after working out (during nap time)...and for dinner I had a Shakeology shake...I had been BAD all morning/lunch...and so I had to cut back. It's so annoying...
I understand it won't happen like THAT...but at what point does it seem to get easier!?!?! I don't know...I know I am strong...I know I can do it...I just want a day to sit back, not hurt, not care, not watch...nothing...I know that's a TERRIBLE thing to say...and I've been told it takes 30 days to start a habit and only 3 days to break it!?!?! Or something like that...so I know I can't stop...I can't give in...I can't give up...it's just tough. 
Not to mention I get up this morning to my entire family hacking up a lung...everyone has been sick this week...(minus me)...kids have had this cough/cold for WEEKS and it won't go away...then Ryan got it...Kyson puked as we walked out the door to bring Klous to school...LOVELY...my shin is KILLING me...and now it's moving into my calf muscle on the back!?!?! I don't know...I think these are just a few more "speed bumps" along the way to see if I'll push through them and over them...or if I'll give up and quit...I'm sick of it...
I'm sick of "having to be strong"...I'm sick of the inner-battles I have...I JUST WANT TO DO IT and BE HAPPY...UGH...

Ok...enough...I vented...I'm done...thanks for reading if you did...right now I'm obviously in a VERY low spot of the roller-coaster...and give it time and I'll be "flying high" again!!!

It's working...and is successful!!!

Well today marks day 30 in my "get healthy" journey!!! I got up this morning...(not that happiest of mornings)...just moody and grumpy lately. BUT I got up...went pee...and did my weight and measurements!!! The results are quite pleasing!!! :)
So here you go...in just 30 days I've dropped 9.6 lbs and 11.75 inches!!! WOO HOO!!! :) Isn't that great!!! I can tell the inches...because my clothes are fitting better...people are commenting and complimenting me...so I know it's working!!! Now to stick to it and get through the "BURN IT UP" phase of Slim in 6...and we'll be good!!!
Now if only my pack of Shakeology wasn't almost gone...or if I could simply justify spending that much money on myself...ugh!?!?!?! I'll figure something out!!! 
But wanted to thank you all for your continued support and help!!! It's greatly appreciated...and especially to Ryan & Eric...for keeping my accountable...keeping me going...supporting me like CRAZY...and pushing me through the speed bumps!!! I love you guys and am so so grateful for you both!!!

Lately....

Well it's been a few days since I posted...and I've thought of things to post...just haven't gotten around to actually doing it. So here I am now...finally posting!!!
So the last few days have been BUSY...but I've done pretty well with sticking to the diet/healthy eating/good choices lifestyle!!! Obviously there's ALWAYS something to improve on...but I'm doing SO much better then I was in the past!!!

On Friday...we went to the Rec Center for our morning walk/jog...the day before I speed walked 7 laps in about 20 minutes and I was proud of myself...that was with 2 kids too!! So we went again Friday morning with some friends...and I had all 3 kids this time!!! Did the same speed laps...but I jogged 1 as well...tried it out again to see how it felt. It's tough pushing the stroller with Klous right on the front tire of the jogging stroller...but I did it!!! That day the Rec was having a "Healthy Heart" day...so they had free body fat testing, blood pressure stuff, drawings, healthy snacks...balloons for the kids. It was a good day!!! We went upstairs after walking to get my "body fat" test...woohoo...not impressive. :( Once again...something else to work on!!! For my age on the body fat % chart...(under 30 cuz I still have another year til that)...my body fat is 36.9%....YUCK...that falls into the "Needs Improvement" category. Surprise surprise...BUT I'm working on it right!!! Also on the test came total body water content...it was only 42 liters or 49%...it's supposed to be about 55%-60%...gotta improve on that too I guess. (Working on it)...then came my measurement I was wondering most about...My BMI....ahhhhhhhhhhhhh :) Never a good thing when you know you're "fat" or "overweight"...so for me it came back at 28.6....YEP...officially OVERWEIGHT. BLAH...I was pleased to see I wasn't in the "OBESE" category...cuz I've often wondered if I am...so that was an ok surprise. 
Anyways...what this all tells me...I NEED TO KEEP GOING...I can't stop...I know my body is in "unhealthy" mode...I need to get it out of that...and improve what I can and need to!!! I did think a lot about these numbers during that day...wondering how many "skinny" people have a good BMI or anything else...I try to remind myself that just cuz I'm "bigger" then LOTS of people...I may be physically more healthy, because I can do a whole hour of Zumba...or I can make it through an entire workout dvd...or I can walk/jog/run laps at the track...so!?!?!?! I know I have a LONG ways to go to be where I want to be...but I try to remind myself that just because someone is or looks "skinny"...doesn't necessarily mean they're healthy!?!?!? 

Anyways...ok...then came that night...Ryan took me on a hot date...I didn't want salad...I wanted to be able to go somewhere and choose something more healthy then I usually would...but have it be more then SALAD...so...we went to Red Lobster for an early Valentine's Day date...it was YUMMY!!! We thought ok...white fish is healthy...so we got a meal with crab legs, scallops, and grilled shrimp...also came with red potatoes & corn on the cob...all of it was VERY good...but when I got home and checked out the nutrition facts...WOW...the actual meat and even cheddar biscuits aren't that bad calorie wise...BUT...that butter sauce they put on EVERYTHING...oh gross!!! That stuff is SO SO SO bad for you...so I wasn't overly impressed with out we did...because the fish and stuff did have butter all over it...I did try to not soak my crab legs in it forever like I usually do...but I still ate SOME. Ugh...

Then came Saturday...Ryan and I decided we'd have to workout twice as much or something to make up for what we ate the night before...Ryan said he'd have to run 7 miles!!! I had a meeting that morning and when I got home we all got ready to head to the rec center...Ryan started out running...Klous ran a couple laps with him...then he wanted to ride...so I speed walked 9 laps (1 1/2 miles) with the 3 kids (110 EXTRA pounds in the stroller to push)...and figured it was Ryan's turn to have the kids...so I passed them on to him...he kept running and finished up his laps...while I decided to try running too...I made it 3 1/2 laps...it was SWEET!!! Maybe that's not a lot to someone else...but that was GREAT for me!!! I don't know if I've built up a resistance from always pushing the stroller...or what...but once I let go of that thing I could just GO and GO and keep GOING!!! It was great!!! My shins and legs are paying for it now...but it felt DANG good to actually do!!! 
So besides exercising and doing more...we tried to stick to better choices and things yesterday too!!! It was good!!!
Today...(Sunday)...it's always busy with sleeping in, breakfast, church, then dinner...things kinda get skipped or forgotten or missed. So we planned on having Mango Chicken tonight...(crockpot recipe that goes over rice)...You're supposed to put 2 bricks of cream cheese in...for which I substituted Non-fat Greek Yogurt...and then we served it on brown rice. I took a "reasonable" sized portion...and I was content!!! It was nice!!! No over-eating...no stuffing my face...I was good!!!
I'm very impressed with how this is working...what it's doing to me...yes I want my treat, chocolate, sweet here and there...but I limit it to ONE or NONE...I don't indulge and munch munch munch like I used to. I get it, enjoy it, and I'm DONE!!! And really...I don't need it to begin with...so I'm impressed!!! I'm anxious and excited for Tuesday to come, because that'll be day 30...and I'll be doing measurements, weight, and pictures again...YIKES!!! I've gotten compliments at church and things of people noticing I've lost weight...so that's always reassuring!!!! It's working...and I'm LOVING it!!!! Here's to the start of another NEW week!!! Yay!!!

Day 24...and getting STRONGER!!! :) :) :)

LoL...isn't this picture funny!!! :)

Anyways...while I was sitting on the couch...kids were all asleep...I was debating whether or not I should REALLY do my workout today ;)...I started it...I knew I'd be ticked at myself if I didn't...NOT to mention the penalty that would come from Eric :) ;) :) ;) 

So there I am...doing my workout...I started this journey and Slim in 6 program on January 16th...NOT that long ago...NOT even a month ago...24 days ago...that's all. And here I am sitting there doing 24 push-ups in a row...ALL the squats...ALL the leg lifts/butt moves...ALL the resistance band exercises....I was doing it ALL!!! Yes I don't always push as hard as I should...BUT...on January 14-15th, I could NOT do 5 push-ups...granted...I'm doing 24 "girl" pushups...BUT I'm doing them!!! I can SEE that I have biceps when I flex!!!!

I can NOT wait for next Tuesday, because that is my day 30...and that's when I get to do measurements again!!! I'm kind of excited to get on the scale and see what that says...but I am TRULY excited to do my measurements and see how much I'm changing. I know I am...I've gone down 2 belt holes since I've started...(that's when I wear jeans)...ha ha ha :)...I can see my sides, chest, and hips getting smaller...I can see changes...but to have numbers will be nice!!!!

Ok people...here's the thing...if I can do this...YOU can do this...yes this is the middle of week 4 and I'm still alive...still going...and have MORE energy!!! The first week was INSANE eating and very low calories...BUT it was a good cleanse and it worked to get me motivated...the next 2 weeks I didn't eat HORRIBLE...but I didn't really watch/count my calories...this week I'm sticking around 1480 calories or something...and it's EASY!!! All you need to do is WANT IT...and then DO IT...I am starting to feel better about myself...I'm excited to workout...I'm excited to take all 3 kids to the track at the rec center and walk/jog...my kids are getting healthier and doing things...my hubby is going running in the mornings and playing basketball more...it's GREAT!!! A whole family change...and we are LOVING it!!! 

I'm proud of myself...and usually that's not something I say about ME...let's be honest...I don't focus on ME...hardly ever...everyone else ALWAYS comes first...so that fact that I'm changing and trying to take care of MYSELF...it's a true blessing!!! I CAN do this...and I WILL do this!!!

I've DECIDED...I COMMITTED...and now I am SUCCEEDING!!!! :) :) :)

Feeling better... :)

So...after some time...some tears shed this morning...some talks with those I love the MOST...some emails/messages between Eric & I...running into an AMAZING example at the rec center...having some time to think...and just realizing how truly blessed I am...I'm doing better!!!
I've been having a tough time too with all the Powell family story on the news...and just how any "man" or "father" could seriously do this. Such a cowardly, evil act that he did...just breaks my heart for that family. So I've been consumed with thoughts of that as well...and just how sad it really is...BUT it's also a true blessing to those little boys, to be able to be with their sweet Mommy again.
Anyways...amid all these NEGATIVE thoughts and problems I "see" in my life...I've been able to take a step back and realize...be reminded...be thankful...and treasure all that I DO have...all that I CAN do...and all that I AM doing.
I have an AMAZING family...a husband who loves me no matter what...3 BEAUTIFUL, healthy kids who forgive me without a second thought...friends and extended family who are there for me continually...a house to stay warm...clothes to wear...food to eat...the WONDERFUL gospel of Jesus Christ in my life...the knowledge that I can pray for help and answers...faith to know that things WILL work out, and get better...I am truly blessed. I love people...I love all that I have...if only I could strengthen my LOVE for myself...then things would be GREAT!!! I am working on it daily...realizing what is good about me...realizing what I CAN do...and going to share that with others!!!
This is a BIG step for me...I will do better...I will continue to improve and make steps and choices for the better...I CAN do it...and I WILL do it...you wait and see!!! ;) :) ;) :) ;) :)
Thank you to everyone I have in my life and for your continued love and support...wouldn't get through this without you all!!!

Having a HARD time :(

Isn't Charlie Brown cute!!! That's about how I feel this morning. :( This has been a TOUGH weekend...wondering WHAT is wrong with me. Why I can't just PUSH through...WHY I beat myself up so much...WHY I think I'm failing. WHY??? This weekend has been all sorts of craziness. I had a WONDERFUL meeting I went to all of Saturday morning...came home to kids napping...I fell asleep...kids woke up whiny and moody...Mommy was even MORE moody and crabby...had errands to run, and that just turned into an ordeal...mishaps with Ryan...frustrations that just kept building...and what did I do...turned to whatever I wanted. NOT HEALTHY FOOD...(it wasn't terrible food...but it was NOT what I should've been eating, and I knew it)...but did I stop!?!?! NO :(
Sunday was an okay day...I'm just constantly on edge with the kids...frustrated that they don't listen...that they are pushing me to my limits and seeing how far THEY can get...deliberately watching me and doing something they know they shouldn't do...just to see if I'll react...you know...being KIDS. Nothing I haven't dealt with before...but it's all building on each other and it's VERY annoying. I've just had it...with EVERYTHING and EVERYONE. I'm to the point that I want to close myself up...hide in my hole...and do what I want to do and have always done...which I know is NOT a good thing...
Then I tell myself last night...I'm getting up at 6...I'll do my work-out...do my spiritual stuff that I KNOW I need to improve on...get myself ready for the day before the kids get up...and be all ready to go. 
Well now it's Monday morning...my alarm went off...I pushed snooze til 6:15...then turned it off and laid in bed checking facebook and email til 6:30...while doing that I found I had a message from Eric...telling me he wanted me to do the diet from week 1 AGAIN...at first I thought ok...whatever...I had wondered if I should do it anyways. But then more time passed...I talked to Ryan about it...and the fear, sadness, anger, frustration, fear of failure...ALL of those came back full force. I can't do this...I can't do a WHOLE week of this AGAIN...I can't...my family can't take that...my kids can't live off cereal and noodles for ANOTHER week...they won't eat the stuff I'd have to eat...what am I supposed to do?? 
1180 calories a day...AGAIN!?!?! I was so dead...so beat...so worn out...HOW??? WHY??? Is this really the only answer??? Then come the thoughts and feelings of quitting...giving up...saying SCREW IT...WHAT'S the POINT!?!?! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh....
This is NOT how I pictured the start of week 4 being...shouldn't it be a habit now?? Shouldn't I be able to push through without a 2nd thought?? What is wrong with me??
Man...I've got a LOT of inner thoughts and battles going on...that no one else can really take care of...only ME. And I don't even know if I can do that?!?!?! Then I found this quote...and had to post it...maybe I'll print it and post it at home where I can ALWAYS see it???

Sorry for the long venting session...but I am NOT where I want to be and need to push through this rut...climb out and get back on track...I can do it...I think...I hope...?????????

Sore SORE muscles...

Man...it's been awhile since I blogged...so here I am. I started a new week Monday!!! A new DVD of the program I'm doing...I'm done with the first 2 weeks, so it's onto the next 2!!! I had NO idea this would be that much more intense...obviously it has to be in order to get results and push you...but MAN!!! My muscles I didn't even realize were there HURT!!!
The workout for the first 2 weeks was only 25 minutes...and now this new one is 53 minutes!!! WOW...and it's intense!!! Leg lifts, squats plus leg lifts, ab work, LOTS of things you wouldn't think would be so bad...but put it all together and do 24-32 reps of them and WOW!!! You feel the burn....which she continues to say..."push through the burn, that's when it's working!!!"...BUT IT HURTS!!!! :) But I know if I keep pushing through and WORKING...it'll get better and easier!!! Consistency...that's the key!!! My muscles will adjust...and I'd rather have them sore from this, then being fat and lazy!!! :)
Anyways...still pushing along and trying to figure all this out. I haven't been AS strict on my diet as I probably should...but it's so hard for me. I have one of my shakes (either Shakeology or protein) once a day for sure...then I have a healthy snack, lunch, but come afternoon snack and dinner...I just don't know what to do...UGH...it's frustrating. So I take it a day at a time and a meal at a time...just making healthier choices!!!
Here's to a NEW day...and GOOD choices and changes!!! I will do this...I will succeed...and I will continue improving!!! Trying to work into running more too...but the dang shin splints keep coming back...UGH!!! So frustrating!!!