...like the rug has been COMPLETELY pulled out from under you!?!?!
Or that everyone is getting everything given to them or whatever...and you're just having to sit back and struggle and work harder!?!?
Or that anything you say or do is being WATCHED like a hawk and you're being judged no matter if it's good or bad?!?!
Or that you've felt SO incredibly good about something for a month and then BAM...just gone and no chance of things going your way?!?!?
Or that your kids are picking up on all the BAD words you're saying...(I mean we don't swear or anything...but when you hear your kids saying crap...or hate...or stupid...or dumb...it just makes you realize how often you use those words)
Or that the desires and goals you've set for yourself look like they'll NEVER happen because too many other things keep getting put in the way?!?!?
Or that you'll never be really, TRULY happy...because you just don't know where to find that anymore!?!?!
I don't know...I've had a REALLY crappy week...and I just wonder and wish I knew when things would ever turn out the way we'd like them. I mean I know things all happen for a reason...and I know I'm supposed to learn something from all the trials and STUFF that happens...but REALLY!?!?! When is enough ENOUGH!?!?!? I feel like we're doing a LOT of what we're supposed to...and that we're improving...and yet I struggle to have the faith and ability to see the blessings or things that are coming to us!?!?!
I'm sorry for the venting...but this week has been really tough...and especially since about Thursday...there have been a LOT of tears shed...and I'm struggling...I just wish I could see at least a SPECK of the "light at the end of the tunnel"...someday huh!?!?!
8 comments:
D&C 136:29
If thou art sorrowful, call on the Lord thy God with supplication, that your souls may be joyful.
He wants you to by joyful, but He understands when you aren't. Better than any of us. He'll answer those prayers, but sometimes we are sorrowful for a long time first. Hang in there. We love you.
Hey Becki,
We had a sermon at church today that made me think about all of this in one way or another. I'm going to try and do my best to sum up an hour and a half into a few sentences...wish me luck :)
We are in the book of Jonah right now and were talking about Jonah running from God and God still being there to save him and use him to spread the Word. One of the end points was that while you are thinking of all of the reasons God shouldn't use you, God is planning a way to use all of that to help someone else.
As I was reading this, I had a few "me too!" moments and by the end was so happy that (even though we haven't kept in touch) I can totally relate! There is someone out there who understands me...wow! I''m SO SORRY things have been rough and I will be including you and your family in my prayers, but please know that you helped me tonight.
Sarah
I was reading a little book yesterday and the author shared a story about his testimony about the scripture "all these things will be for thy good." I will run you the book over if you want to read it. Apparently I need the same council because I just came across this talk when I was preparing my lesson last week!
http://lds.org/general-conference/2004/04/but-if-not?lang=eng&query=but+if+not
It is absolutely beautiful!
Just remember that things may look easier from the outside but it usually isn't and sometimes the Lord can let you in and see others struggles and hardships! Keep pushing along! you can do it!
Becki,
It's times like this when I've had to put my trust in the Lord and just hold on for the ride. He'll help carry you over the bumps, but you're still going to feel them. That's how we grow. Yes, you'll experience growing pains along the way! You're getting down on yourself - don't try to "fix" everything all at once. Just pick one aspect you'd like to change and work on that. Ask your Heavenly Father for help. He loves you. You are His daughter and are of infinite worth! Love you, Becki! I hope this week goes better for you!
That sucks so bad that the house didnt work out. I had a dream about you last night...we were Easter egg hunting...weird, anyway, I'm sorry you're feeling overwhlemed and blue. I think I've figured out why you dont like to come over to my house....Is paragraph 2 directed at me?
I love you Rebecca May Klous Jones!
Since we've already talked about stuff I won't bore you here again with how I am feeling towards certain people in your life who are making you upset. :) I just want to remind you that I love you, you are one of my best friends, and I personally would struggle a lot more in my life if you weren't in it. You make a difference for me, and I only hope I do the same for you. You are amazing, and you will get through this, even though it sucks right now!
Love ya Becki, I am here for you. i know it's hard, and in a lot of ways I feel the same. Sorry we have to go through this. You are a strong Person and will be so much stronger in the end. A few weeks, months, maybe years from now you will look back and say "I'm sure glad we got through that!" Just remember Heavenly Father has a plan, lean on HIM and keep the faith!
Hey there! I stumbled across your new blog and I just wanted to voice my support. I always, always, always love it when I hear about girls taking charge of their bodies and taking charge of how they feel about themselves. I know that trying to be healthy can sometimes feel like it's increasing your stress instead of decreasing it, so I thought I'd mention two things that have helped me out whenever I struggle.
1. I'm not a Dr. Phil fan (I couldn't be even if I wanted to because I don't own a TV) but a while ago I read his book "The Ultimate Weight Solution." The title alone sounds gimmicky and I didn't even want to read it at first, but I was stuck at home, bored out of my gourd. He talks about our individual psychological connections to eating, exercise, and overall health. I tend to think that psychology can be a bit hoaky at times, but I really got into this book - I even wrote down answers to questions he asked (and I never do that with books). His whole thing is that it's much easier to make a permanent change when you understand the reasons behind your actions instead of just trying to force yourself to change without understanding why you do the things you do.
2. My second thing is Jillian Michael's DVD "30-Day Shred". Some days it's really hard to get the motivation to workout. It's easier to get that motivation if you tell yourself that you only need to workout for 10 minutes and then you can stop if you want. Whenever I've told myself that, I've inevitably worked out longer because, once I start, I realize how good it feels. Anyway, this DVD workout is only 30 minutes long and it has 3 different levels. Plus, they're circuit workouts, which can actually hold the attention of ADD exercisers like me. They're not anything ridiculously difficult and they don't beat around the bush - they get right down to the simple stuff that gets results. It's great for those days when I don't have much time or I'm lacking motivation or creativity to come up with my own workout. Just tell yourself, "I'll pop this in for 10 minutes and then I can turn it off if I want."
Good luck and believe in yourself!
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