I did it...I LOVE ZUMBA!!!

Well...I survived!!! I did it...I'm now certified!!! :) :) :) 

Friday was a LONG...hard...fun...exhausting...HAPPY day!!! I show up to this Lifetime Fitness gym and there are probably 40-60 women...GUNG-HO women...all decked out in their Zumba stuff...and just excited and nervous like me!!! I texted Ryan when I got there, because I was the biggest woman there...at that time at least...and I got a little discouraged...I wondered WHAT I had gotten myself into...and why I was doing this.
Then the day/class started...got all registered...did the little introduction thing...and BOOM...time for a "master class" of Zumba!!! We danced...we shook it...we sweat...we had FUN!!! It was great...the HARDEST class by far that I have done...but the lady teaching has been certified and doing Zumba since 2007. So she is VERY experienced...she's close with Beto (the creator of Zumba)...she's in some of the dvd's and stuff that has been put out. So she's GOOD :) 
Anyways...it was a busy day...from 9 am - 5:30 pm...it was ALL Zumba :) We had some breaks...a 1/2 hour lunch...some sitting time for lecture/instruction...but otherwise...it was on our feet...moving...dancing...and learning the steps we need!!! I got to learn the main steps and moves for Salsa, Merengue, Cumbia, and Reggaeton...it was AWESOME!!! It all makes more sense now...it all seems easier...I can actually figure out songs and choreograph them if I need!!! It's great!! I feel so smart...it's nice!!! I love that I went...I love that I experienced this...and I LOVE that I can go forward now and help others learn, love, and HAVE FUN with Zumba!!! 
I'm anxious and nervous to get out and start up...I'm not sure where to go from here...I need to contact people and places to try and get things lined up. I will be starting out small and then see where it goes...I need people to come and help and follow me...I've learned from GREAT...GREAT...AMAZING women who LOVE what they do as well. So it has put even more LOVE and ENERGY into what I want to do!!! Stay tuned for info on where I'll be teaching or what I'll be doing...I've gotta do it sometime...so better start SOON!!!
I LOVE IT...I LOVE IT...I LOVE IT!!! 

And...I'm still smiling...:) :) :) :) Yes I'm sore...5-6 hours of DOING Zumba will do that to you...but yet it gave me so much more energy and desire to GO and DO!!! It's GREAT...

Nervous...Certifying...Hmmmm...

You are all aware that I am kind of in LOVE with Zumba!! Right!?!?! :) Well...I'm kind of freaking out...I go on Friday at 8:30 a.m. to certify to become an instructor!!! I have liked it from the first time I tried it back in November...and have had a desire off and on to get certified...wondering if I'd be able to teach it...make any money...and help others LOVE it like I do!!! So...I signed up and paid for this class back in February I think...and now the day is actually here...YIKES!!!
It's a FULL day of Zumba...learning, dancing, lectures, more dancing, breaks, and more dancing!! I think it'll be great...and I'm sure I'll be fine...but I'm just nervous...UGH!!! I haven't been to a "full-days work" since before Klous was born...so to go to something from 8:30-6...hmmm...it could be interesting!!! I'm anxious to get the stuff...dvds, cds, and other info...but I'm nervous about ME actually being able to do it and teach!?!?!
I don't know...just human I guess to worry and have the fears/emotions on a new experience that is coming about. I have people that I know...Zumba instructors who are simply AMAZING...and have inspired me to take this step. So I thank them for their examples, friendships, and advice...but I really, truly hope I can be as good to others as they are to me!!! 
Wish me luck!!!
Oh...and tonight at Zumba...I burned 909 calories and 118 grams of fat!! YAY!!

New week...and NEW measurements...

Hi all :)

So I did my measurements again tonight after Zumba!!! I can't always notice the changes...but when I see the numbers...OBVIOUSLY there are changes...so that's exciting!!! Here's what they are at the beginning of April...

Rt. Arm - 12
Left Arm - 12
Chest - 40
Waist - 41
Rt. Thigh - 23 1/2 
Left Thigh - 23 1/2
Hips - 43 1/2 

Total Inches LOST... - 3 1/2 :) :) :) 

Oh...and at Zumba tonight...I burned 782 calories and 101 grams of fat!! :) :) 

Yay for me!!! I'm excited to see that things are happening...even when I'm so down on myself and hard on myself.
Now for a venting session...please bear with me...
It's been kind of a crazy week...month...whatever you want to consider it!! I've had lots on my mind...kids have been acting out and wanting warm weather so they can just be outside all the time...Ryan's stressed and trying to do the best he can for our family...and really...life just is a struggle isn't it!?!?! I've really been trying hard to stay positive the last while...and be happy and grateful for what I have...but at times I get so down. I get annoyed and frustrated with people and their comments or opinions...I get upset that we work hard...try our best...and yet still things don't seem to go our way...and more so lately I get upset that people who are the closest to us...they just don't get it...or don't care. I don't know...
I've always been a happy person...I've always wanted to make others happy...I've always been known for my smile and contagious laugh...I've always been there to help others out...and care a LOT more about how they're feeling or doing, rather then how I am. I don't know...obviously a LOT has changed in my life for the last 5 years especially...having kids will do that to you right!! But especially in the last 2 1/2 years things have gone downhill...depression...anxiety...loss of self-love...relationships falling apart with family members and friends...added stress and problems in our marriage/relationship...and more. I can't explain what's happened...I don't know why it's all hit now...and if I knew how to figure all that out I would.
I have a hard time with life DAILY...I have an even harder time with people who just DON'T get it...Obviously I don't choose to be like this...I don't want to deal with this anymore...if I could just shut it all off, I would...I wouldn't wish this on ANYONE...because it's not easy at all...and it's definitely NOT fun. 
However...it is a challenge and trial I have been given...and over the last 2 years I've learned a LOT about depression...I've realize a LOT of what people go through who have it...and feel terrible for how I looked at those people and judged them in the past. I realize now what it's like to have terrible thoughts...reactions to things that would've never bothered you in the past...and feelings of ALWAYS being terrible and not good enough for anyone or anything. 
I don't know where I'm wanting to go with this...I just want to let those people know who are closest to me...that NO...I am not the Becki I was 10 years ago...5 years ago...2 1/2 years ago...I try each day to smile and look at the GOOD in my life...I fail a LOT it seems...and I complain or say things that shouldn't be said...and I'm sorry. Please be patient with me...please know that in time things will get better...(at least I hope)...and somewhere inside me IS that Becki that people know and love. I haven't found her yet...and when I do it'll be a great day...or even when I come to accept and realize that this "new" Becki is good enough!! I need help...but more importantly I need people to NOT judge and think that there's nothing wrong. I just need help...

Sorry for the venting...sorry for the long, babbling post...but I needed to say something...and this is it I guess. Thank you to everyone who actually reads this and continues to be there for me no matter what. It means more then any of you will ever know!!!

New Watch...

So there are a couple people at Zumba that have watches that tell them their heart-rate...and how many calories they've burned through the work-out. I wanted one!!!
So with my birthday money...and a little more...I went to Wal-Mart and got something that looks like the picture above...the watch I have isn't QUITE that fancy...but it does do a lot. It tells me my heart rate, calories burned, fat grams burned, times my work-outs, averages out my heart rate...it's pretty cool!! It has that fancy chest strap thingy that is taking a CONSTANT heart rate when I'm working out.
Well I've worn it twice to Zumba...Wednesday night AND Thursday night!!! I was SO impressed with the results...and did you know that your body is still working and burning things off even AFTER you're done working out...AMAZING!!! I love this excitement it all brings me!!!
So on Wednesday night I burned...

842 calories and 109 grams of FAT!!! WAHOO :) :) :)

BUT...then I went last night to Charlotte's class...where I work a bit harder I think...cuz there are NO mirrors...and I feel like I go all out!?!? I don't know...that's not the point tho...the point is...I burned...

1145 calories and 148 grams of FAT!!!

YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY :)

I'm quite impressed with my purchase and birthday present!!! Oh...and these are only 1 hour work-outs...so that's not bad huh!!

Just keep swimming...Just keep swimming...

I haven't posted about weight loss for the last couple weeks...haven't really gotten around to it...and have forgotten as well. But the last couple weeks also haven't been so great in this area. I'm not succeeding at the whole eating healthy or even "good" for that matter. :( 
Last week when I weighed...I was 1 pound down...and then this morning when I weighed in...it was back up a pound...so!?!?! Really no weight loss I guess...it all balanced out I suppose. I'm not so proud of it...because the first few weeks of my plan and program...I was doing so SO good...and now it's a pound off...two on...a couple off...and nothing...so!?!?! I don't know...it's starting to get frustrating...
BUT...
then I find something like this quote I put at the beginning...I need to just keep TRYING...I need to keep going...and I NEED to do better. I know the things I'm slacking on...I know I've been putting too much sugar in my mouth...I know I'm not being as healthy and good as I should be...but what do I do about it!?!?! Complain...and not make changes...THAT DOESN'T HELP!!! So there...I've posted this...I've been honest...I've spilled the beans...and now I NEED help and encouragement...I know I can do this...I know I want it...and I know I'm LOVING the changes that have happened so far.
Also...I must mention...stress does NOT help me. It makes me eat more...it makes me upset...it makes me just want to sleep and do nothing...it stirs up the depression more...it just all around sucks. So I have a question...Do any of you readers know how to help me NOT get so involved or upset or worried about other peoples problems!?!? Or to NOT take things so personally!?!?! Some things people have said to me lately have REALLY hurt...and I should be able to just let it go...but I don't know how...and I don't know how to NOT feel bad for people and want to help them!?!?!
So here's to another week...another start...and hoping and WANTING changes to happen...Just gotta keep trying :)

Sisters...Best Friends for life...

P.S...this picture was taken at 4:30 A.M this morning...cute huh!! :)

So last Friday was my birthday...Ryan had taken Thurs/Fri off...and on Thursday he just said he wanted to get the house cleaned up a bit...I didn't think anything of it...other then he wanted to help...WAHOO :) So we cleaned up a little...
Well then Friday morning...we woke me up around 8 or something to tell me he was taking the kids to do something for my birthday...and that I could just sleep in. Well I woke up around 9:30 and didn't hear anything...so I rolled over and went back to bed...then I heard them come in around 10 or after!?!?! I heard balloons...I heard the kids...and then Ryan came in and told me to wake up and Klous told me to come see what they got...so I drug myself out of bed!! Luckily put some clothes on ;)...and Klous told me to close my eyes...while he walked me out to the living room...
When I opened my eyes...still half asleep...and I see my sister Kim sitting on my couch...WHAT THE HECK!?!?! And that's what I said..."what the heck are you doing here?"...I was in shock...she had flown out to surprise me for my birthday...how sweet is that!?!?! Kim lives in Minnesota...like the majority of my family...but she's the one that I am closest to and talk to most of the time...and struggle being so far away from. So for her to do this for me...was so incredibly sweet.
It's crazy how just seeing one person like that can just light me up...I had a GREAT birthday...a GREAT weekend...(with both my sisters, cuz JJ came down from Magna too)...and a GREAT visit with Kim. She is such an example to me...so admirable...and so loving. She is so fun with my kids...and they're missing her lots too...and I am just so thankful that someone would do something so great for me. What makes me deserve it!?!?! 

I LOVE YOU KIM!!! Thank you for being such a great example, sister, friend, and person!! So glad you're in my life!!! I LOVE YOU and MISS YOU like crazy!!!

Having thoughts...

So I'm sure most of you in Utah county area have heard THIS story...but outside of this area, probably not...anyways last week there was shooting...a murder/suicide thing. It was a husband who shot his wife, then turned the gun on himself...they had been seperated since January...and were "exchanging" the kids or something...and BANG...he killed her :(...so now they have 2 orphan children...5 & 3...and no Mommy or Daddy to raise them. Luckily there is LOVING extended family...but...it's not Mom/Dad...so!?!?!
Anyways...so I just saw their obituaries in the paper yesterday...and it just made me sad. The whole story breaks my heart...makes me angry...makes me think of those poor kids...and that poor woman...what must've been going through her head right before!?!?! I can't even imagine...

BUT...

What I can imagine and know is...I have 3 BEAUTIFUL babies...an amazing husband...and great extended family. When I think of those funerals those kids will have to go to...and how hard that would be to deal with...I look at my babies and am SO grateful for the struggles they give me. For the whining, pouting, fighting, arguing, talking back....but more importantly for the hugs, kisses, I Love You's, smiles, laughs, giggles, tickles, and looks I get from them DAILY. I couldn't imagine my life without them...or their lives without me. I don't know what would drive you to that point...and to make those kinds of choices...but I'm grateful for the family I have. I'm grateful that even through my hard days and struggles...that I get the little I'm sorry's...or I love you's...or the extra hugs...when they can tell they hurt Mommy's feelings. Because those are the things that keep me going...even when it's not easy.

Anyways...I've just had those little kids on my mind the last couple days...and hope and pray that they will be able to come to terms with this...and remember the HAPPY times with their parents. I can't even imagine...so sad :( And I hope we can all squeeze our babies, spouses, parents, loved ones a little closer now...and appreciate what we do have.

Onto a happier note...I got a coupon from my good friend Carole this weekend...it was for Old Navy...30% off your entire purchase...so we went Friday night I think!?!?! Well I usually just go in looking for the kids and maybe for t-shirts for Ryan...but tend to stay away from the women's section...but not this time. I went and looked at jeans for a second...and found some to try on...and GUESS WHAT...I fit into a size TWELVE!!! Yes...12...I was so excited and had to get them!! Not only were they size 12 but they were also on clearance for $12...SWEET!!! My body is getting smaller...and my sizes are getting lower...and the changes I'm making are working!! Hooray!!! Yay for me!!! ZUMBA tonight too...Yippee!!!