The last 2 weeks...

Man oh man...has it been a CrAzY couple of weeks...we have been all over the place...run, run, running it seems...and seriously SO exhausted...emotionally, physically, and mentally. We've had a couple days to re-coop now...but it has been QUITE a couple of weeks...

It started last week by heading to St. George, UT (way down south)...where we had the double funeral for Great-Grandma/Grandpa Jones...it was a TOUGH time...it was a wonderful funeral...(if they can be wonderful)...and it's great knowing they're still together...but during that trip, the majority of the family got sick...there was little sleep that happened...LOTS of tears and emotions...and LOTS of swimming/sunshine. Not to mention it was HOT HOT HOT down there...about 100 degrees all 3 days we were there... 

Then came this week...Ryan's youngest brother, Matthew, has chosen to go on a mission for our church...he will be serving for 2 years in the Chile Osorno Mission...and had to report to the MTC (Missionary Training Center) on Wednesday afternoon. So Sunday, Monday, & Tuesday were family days...and even MORE emotion...
He's an AMAZING kid...and such an example to all of us. It was a lot harder to say good-bye to him then I realized it would be. So there again...a LOT of emotions and tears!!

So...I guess the reason I'm writing this post is...to say I am officially re-committing...I have turned into a VERY emotional eater, non-eater, lazy-exerciser...just NOT what I want to be. I've fallen into a funk...and a slump...and I NEED to get out. I know I am a LOT happier when I exercise and eat better...I know it's best for me...and I know I need it...

SO...here goes. I have a friend who has the INSANITY dvd's and is letting me borrow them...so I will be starting those...I KNOW it'll kick my butt...but I need it!!! I will be re-thinking my eating/food choices...because I KNOW that the only way to get rid of my tummy pooch is to change my nutrition...so here goes.

RE-COMMITING...because I NEED to improve and get back on track. I'm not happy with myself lately...I'm not excited when I look in the mirror...and I do NOT want to stay in this funk...I MUST get out...for myself, for my family, and for my health. I NEED it!!!

Wish me luck...keep me accountable...and keep me motivated...I continue to see other peoples results and continuing accomplishments...and I WANT THAT...so I will do it!!! 

When I got to Ryan's parents house on Tuesday night...I walked out the back door in the dress I have on in the pictures above...and Matthew (Ryan's brother) said to me..."Wow...that's a nice dress"...it was one of the SWEETEST things I've heard from him...and as nice as the compliment was...I don't feel that way when I see myself in it. I WILL make that dress look even nicer!!! Because I deserve it!!!

So here's the start of a whole new journey...again!!! I CAN DO IT!!

Thoughts...

This picture is kinda dark...and not the best...but this is the last time we got to visit and see these two. :( This is Ryan's Grandma & Grandpa on his dad's side. Last Friday Grandma Jones passed away...she fought a hard fight and finally was able to leave her frail, sick, "broken" body...and return to live with our Heavenly Father and those who have gone before her. When we were there visiting them, they told us they had it all planned out and that they were going to "go" together...and have a joint funeral...at first I thought that was odd. I knew they were given only a little time left to live...but how can you really KNOW that you'll go together??? How can you be so sure...and what if it doesn't happen like that??? Well...they knew...they had it all worked out and planned...because this past Thursday, Grandpa Jones passed away. Only 6 days after his love...his queen...his eternal companion...he was able to be reunited with her and all those other family members who have gone on before her. What a blessing that is!!! 

I know some elderly people who have been alone for 2, 5, 10, 12, 15 years...and how hard it is for them...how lonely they get...how sad it must be at times. What a blessing it is to only have to be away from the one you love the most....the one you've lived SO many years with...the one who was by your side day in and day out...to only be away from her for 6 days. Who knows how quickly that goes by on the other side...but how great it is that they're able to be together again...and for us to have the knowledge and beliefs that Families ARE Forever...that we WILL be able to see them again...that it may be a "long" time here on earth...but for them it may be just a blink??? What great knowledge we as a family have...yes it's sad and will be hard this week with the funerals...but they're happy, they're strong & healthy again, they're watching over us, and they WILL be there to greet us when our time comes.

The deaths of Grandma & Grandpa have gotten me thinking...watching how my kids react when we talk about it...hearing their questions and concerns...knowing that this is their first time experiencing death and funerals...wondering how we'll explain it to them, and if they'll really understand it??? When Ryan & I got married...I only had my one grandma alive still...and she passed away only a month into our marriage. :( I had SO much joy to come into a family that still have all 4 grand-parents...because I didn't really know mine that well. I was young when they all passed...but now to experience this and know that this is the "first" passing of grand-parents...wondering how to love, support, lend an ear or a shoulder, just BE there for those who need it...it's tough. I am here...I'll do my best to stay strong...but those who know me know that I'm emotional...and when the joint funeral comes this week...it'll be interesting to see how it hits everyone. When the reality is there that they're really gone...yes our knowledge is wonderful and brings peace and comfort to us...BUT...we still need to mourn and handle however is best for each of us.

So...although this has NOTHING to do with weight-loss...or NOTHING to do with being healthy...it's a LOT of what's weighing on my mind lately...here's to hoping to have the Spirit with me and the rest of the family as we take on this next week. We LOVE you Grandma & Grandpa...we're SO grateful for the evening we had to visit and laugh and be with you before you were gone. It's opened our eyes to realize NOT to take family, friends, and people for granted...you never know when the last time will be. Or when they just WON'T be there anymore...

Hmmmm....so many thoughts...WE LOVE YOU GUYS!!! We miss you...and we are SO happy that you're able to be together again...and together FOREVER!!!

New found DESIRE...DETERMINATION...and MOTIVATION...

So...we've made some changes to our family vacation this year...because of cost, reality, family thoughts, and more...we've decided to go home to Minnesota this summer instead of going to San Diego. I kind of got a prideful, stubborn side when it came to vacations, because I get upset that my family doesn't come out here and see me...so I told Ryan..."I am NOT going home this year, until someone comes to see us"....well. Then we figured out what we would like to do...started adding up costs...and realized it's REALLY expensive. Then with Ryan's Grandma passing away last week...it helped us realize that we need to take advantage of the times we CAN go see family and spend time with them. My kids and hubby haven't been to MN in 2 years...and the kids have grown a LOT since the summer of 2010...so it's about time for us to go back!!!

ANYWAYS...that's our plan...and with this plan...comes another realization to me...that I have FAILED on my goals, desires, and hopes of being healthier, skinnier, and better off!!! I have kind of "given up" I guess you could say the last couple months...and it's not fun. I'm putting on pounds again...(not a lot)...but still some. My "SMALL" pants I was able to wear...and now too tight...so I'm not "slim" like I was before...SO...it's time to kick it into gear. I have 6-7 weeks until we go to Minnesota. I have enough time to do a challenge and get some of my goals reached. 

SO....like this picture/magnet says..."Wish it....Dream it...DO IT"....I will be DOING IT...

I'm going to step it up with eating...I'm cutting back on sugars and sweets...no more snacking when I want like I've fallen back into. I'm going to be drinking Shakeology more often again for meals...I'm going to be making healthier meals and making more positive/healthier choices when I'm hungry. I will get rid of this stomach if it takes everything out of me!!! I HAVE TO!!!

As for exercise...I'm still doing good with my exercise...I mean I'm not still doing Slim in 6 right now...BUT I am going to start up again...a friend of mine has Insanity and is going to let me borrow it to try it out...so I'm PUMPED about that!!! We'll see where it takes me and how I do...BUT...I WILL DO IT!!! 

So...here we go...we are leaving July 21st for Minnesota...and by that time I want to be smaller and slimmer and happier then I am NOW!!! Here's to wishing me luck...who wants to do it too!!! :) :) :)

Blog YOUR heart...

Well I've debated about doing this for about a week now...and wondered if it would really be worth it...or if it would just upset people or whatever...but you know what...this is MY blog...and MY post...and MY thoughts...and MY heart...so I will blog about it!!! :) I found it on a friends BLOG and thought it was interesting and great how open she was and how great it must feel to get your REAL feelings out there...and then I checked out the original link/blog HERE about what this "blog your heart" was all about...it hit me...I CAN do this...and it'll probably help me feel better!!! SO...before you read ALL of this post...you might wanna check out the original blog about this to get the "rules"...mostly the NO JUDGING one!!! ;) 
I debated about putting it on this blog...or my family one...but lets be honest...I don't post on that one much anymore...it's quite sad....so...it's going on here!!!


So here goes...here's my thoughts...


1. My kids...I really DO love them to pieces...but MAN...some days are SO hard. :( The last couple weeks have been LOTS of those days...it's so hard. The constant whining, complaining, dirty looks, talking back, crying, fighting, arguing, NOT LISTENING, doing the complete opposite of what I've asked them to do...it's SO frustrating. And they're only 5, 3, and 2...WHAT will I do when they're teenagers!?!?! YIKES!?!?! I'm just so tired of being grumpy all the time...or yelling all the time...or having to punish and make them cry more because of their original choice/action. WHY is it so hard!?!?! My goodness...and then to hear that they're SO good and great helpers for other people...why not for their MOM!?!!? Was I like this!?!? Did I do this when I was little!?!!?! If so I'm SORRY mom...Ugh...it's just hard. Mommy-hood is HARD...and I'm ready for the days when it's a little bit easier!?!?! Do those ever come!?!?!?


2. My hubby...he's amazing...but I sure treat him like garbage sometimes :(. He's my bestest friend and I love him to death...but he gets the brunt of EVERYTHING...and it's not fair to him. Why does he put up with me?? Why do I continue treating him like that?? Why why why!?!? Why can't I just show him that I love him and continue to show him and treat him like that?? 


3. Money...YUCK...I hate money. Can't live with it and can't live without it. I know we are blessed...and honestly in no way are we "poor"...but when does the struggling stop!?!?! When can I just feel content in where we are and be happy about it?? When can I go to the grocery store or Wal-Mart and be able to get EVERYTHING we need without having to worry about being broke for the next two weeks!?!?! When will the BIG light-bulb turn on for us...or me...that I'll be able to figure out what we can do to BETTER our situation...or better yet...have faith that things will be OK!?!?! We're not starving...we're not naked...we're not cold and homeless...WHY is that not enough for me!?!?!?!


4. Depression...DOUBLE YUCK!!! I have been doing SO good for so long now without signs of this...and all of a sudden since the beginning of May...I feel like a ton of bricks have been set back on me and I just keep going deeper and deeper. I continue to exercise and be outside cuz that makes me HAPPY...I NEED the sunshine and fresh air to feel happiness...but it's just not enough. Little things are just irritating...problems seem SO big when really they're not...I'm snapping at things that really don't matter. When will it go away...when can I just get up in the mornings and just be ok and happy!?!?! Why does depression have to linger and hang out...I don't like it...so GO AWAY!!!


5. Comparing myself to others...I try SO hard to not do this...I try to look at ALL I'm blessed with and appreciate it. I look at others and their issues or problems...and yes it makes me grateful for what I do have...BUT...it also makes me want to FIX things for others. I know that I'm not the happiest all the time or lately...but I still want to do ALL I can do make others happy and appreciate what they have and who they are!!! I can't do it all...I don't have it all...everyone else seems to be doing things SO much better then me...and I just need to stop. But how!?!??!


6. Family...HA...that's something isn't it...family!!! My family back home in Minnesota or here in Utah...Ryan's family here in Utah...family members that are on their last leg of life and not knowing when it will be the end. Family members who don't really talk to anyone anymore...everyone has their own lives and no one talks. No more family get-togethers...no more phone calls really...no emails, texts, or messages. Nothing...it's so sad. I know I have Ryan and my kiddos...but I really do miss my sisters, brothers, parents, nieces, nephews...EVERYONE...what happened!?!?! Why can't we all just get along!?!?! (Again...another problem/issue that I just want to FIX and I can't)...Then the family that is close...that we still don't seem to see that often...people get "busy" or whatever and things just happen and time passes. Well...soon the time will not be there anymore...and then what will we have!?!?! Lots of "woulda, coulda, shoulda's"....and it's gonna suck. So how do we change that and fix it!?!?!?


7. ME...what happened to ME!?!?! I look at my life...I've gone through LOTS of pictures lately and thinking back on times and activities...we really change huh!?!?! But do we?? Some is for the better...some not so much. We had GREAT friends then...and meet GREAT people now...but have lost touch with the friends from before. Again...people get "busy" and then time is gone. So what can I do to help?? What can I do to change?? What can I do to improve?? I am a happy person...I really am...don't know if everyone knows that about me...but I am!!! ;) I like to smile, laugh, have fun, and have a good time...but lately I'm not. I put on a good show I think...but things are just tough...so where do I find ME again!?!?! 


8. Older generations...I LOVE THEM!!! I'm so grateful for the ones I have in my life...my parents...Ryan's parents...Ryan's grandparents...neighbors...friends...people in the neighborhood...I am SO blessed to have such REAL people and REAL love from them. I tell them over and over that I'd really spend a whole day with the "older generation" group then people my age. The mind set is so different...and they just love you for who you are and just really want a listening ear or a friend. I wanna be more like that. I appreciate the examples of people that age that I have...and these ages I'm talking about are 60+...they're just GREAT!!!


Ahhhhh...ok...I think that's about it...for now at least!!! SO...tell me...what is in YOUR heart...blog about it...comment...whatever!!! It is VERY relieving!!! Check it out...try it...you won't be sorry!!! ;)

My life lately = Reality & Discouragement...

So where to begin...MY life lately...I love my life...RIGHT!?!?! ;) Some days I really wonder WHAT THE HECK I'm supposed to do...or WHY I'm supposed to be going through this. It gets VERY hard at times...as you all know who are reading this...we're all human, and we ALL have challenges. 

So...this last week...well really just the weekend...I kept telling myself since last time I wrote...OK...I'm going to get better...I'm GOING to be making better choices food-wise...I WILL do this...then comes reality...lack of money...lack of groceries...lack of desire because everything else is lacking and "what's the point"...right!?!?! Well at least that's how I felt...judge if you'd like ;)

Saturday was a BUSY day...we went up to Logan, UT for a wedding of a dear, family friend...it was a BEAUTIFUL wedding...they're gorgeous together...and it was a GREAT day together with my sweet little family....aren't we cute!!!

But let's be honest...driving 2 1/2 hours north and hanging out in a town ALL day...can NOT be a good thing for "dieting" or "trying to eat good"...because what did we do...brought things in the van to snack on...brought donuts for the kids for breakfast cuz we didn't want to stop somewhere else...and then we went out for lunch together as a family...and they screwed up my GRILLED chicken sandwich order...so I got part of the bill taken off for that...but then they brought me a complimentary shake for screwing up...YUM!!! It was hot, and the ice cream was good...but I shouldn't have!!! ;) 

Then came Sunday...my lazy, busy, lack of eating day too!! Luckily we were invited over to some friends' house for dinner...so I didn't have to cook...THANKS PAKA ;) It was a great time...and she made a good meal!!!

Well...then it was Monday...the start of a NEW day, a NEW week, a NEW time for me...and what happens...I wake up on the WRONG side of the bed...the kids are EXTRA whiny and moody...I've had it with their talking back...then it got up to 95 degrees out...so it was HOT and MISERABLE...then naps came...(heavenly...even if it was only Kyson who slept)...and then we're back outside. The kids wanted water...and I come in to fill their cups...and NOTHING...the water wasn't working...LOVELY.

I called Ryan...who said he'd be coming home soon...I called the city to see if any lines had issues around us...I talked to neighbors...and of course it was ONLY our house...SO YAY...go us!!! This all started about 4:15...I had already pulled meat out and planned on making a good healthy taco salad dinner...but obviously...the water issue took over. SO...ya...come to find out there was a crack of some kind in a line of the water softener...and it was causing the water to suck up ALL the water softener beads through the pipes and faucets...causing it all to look like THIS...

Kitchen sink...

 Master bath sink...

 And the other bathroom sink...

 Nice huh!! ;) Don't be jealous of our SWEET water...Klous thought it was apple juice!!! ;) Anyways...got a neighbor over who was SO kind and willing to help us...during dinner time and family night...so THANK YOU ERIC!!! But...eventually he unhooked the water softener and it cleared right up...THANKFULLY!!! Now if only the stupid washer would work...eventually...UGH...

Anyways...what I am trying to get at is...LIFE JUST SUCKS SOMETIMES...and there's NOTHING we can do!!! Right!?!?!? 

WRONG...we can look at the positive...which is what Ryan is helping me do today...looking at the little blessings that have come of this...the fact that it is only the water softener and NOT replacing all the plumbing...cuz we were worried that would be it...the fact that we have neighbors who can help us...and on and on...

SO...what I'm needing to do today...and trying to tell myself over and over is this...I CAN get through this...I CAN still change and improve...I CAN be happy...and when I checked my trainer, friend Eric's facebook this morning...I saw numerous quotes that I REALLY needed...so here are a couple...

LOVE it...I've given up on my dreams...my goals...and I CAN'T...I'm the only one who can change things...and if I don't do it for myself...it won't happen...so I WILL do it!!!

 

And this...I just need to TRY...one foot then the other...I'll never know if I CAN do it...if I don't TRY...I need to do it...and so can any of you!! We just need to DO...
Then Eric's brother Dave...he's very helpful and inspirational as well...these are some he posted...and I wanted to share...this first one meant a LOT...at church on Sunday there was a lot of talk on challenges...and how we all have them...and one of the speakers even read a poem about getting up each time we fall...isn't that what life is about...if we didn't get UP...we wouldn't have much to live for right!?!?! So I need to GET UP...GET OUT...and GO!!!

And the obvious...well we don't realize it's so obvious...but I loved this anyways...I can still eat til I'm full...I can feed my body the food and fuel it needs...I just need to be eating the RIGHT stuff...not the crap...aka...donuts, snacks, sugar, CRAP that I've been eating TOO much of the last couple months...

So to my fellow bloggers, readers, friends, examples...THANK YOU for being patient with me...thank you for being there when I needed you...thank you for continuing to encourage me and compliment me...YOU are the ones who keep me going...and I WILL be back...I WILL be starting again...and I WILL succeed and fulfill me goals that I wanted for myself this year...we just all seem to get little hiccups along the way huh!!!

I've GOT to get back on track....

Alright people...I've been doing a LOT of thinking the last couple days. I've been depressed and down a LOT the last few weeks...and I've been REALLY slacking on the eating...exercise...desire...motivation...and just been having a LOT of excuses. UGH...isn't life grand!!!

Then I saw THIS on facebook yesterday...

And I KNEW I had to keep going. We all have our ups and downs...we all have our struggles and challenges in life...but there are SO many people out there that continue to GET UP...put their feet on the ground...and take one step and then another...one foot in front of the other...and just KEEP GOING. They don't let the challenges or struggles of the previous day stop them...they KEEP TRYING...
I can do that too...I CAN keep trying...I can start AGAIN tomorrow...and continue to strive to reach my goals. I still have my WHY list...and I see it and look at it daily...I have still NOT reached my 90-day goal...(run a 5k)...BUT...I'm a heck of a lot closer then I was months ago. I can't RUN that distance...but I can GO the distance...I'm building stamina, strength, and determination...and I hope one day SOON I WILL be able to RUN it. Then I have my 6 month goal coming up...(be comfortable in a swim suit at the waterpark)...uhhhhhhhhhhhh....7-Peaks will be opening NEXT weekend...I have the passes...my kids WILL go swimming there...but I am NOT so comfy in my suit yet...so again...I MUST keep pushing...

That's when I find THIS...and realize I MUST just start again...or I'll really be kicking myself...

Tonight I went to Zumba...I LOVED every second of it...the energy...the smiles...the people...the teacher...the friendships I've made...the break I get...the ME time I have...and the CHALLENGE that it is to GO, to FINISH, to SUCCEED...I CAN do this...I CAN make the changes...and I WILL see the results...
That's when I see THIS and smile :)

After Zumba...I went to the weight room...(first time in over a week...BOO) :)...anyways...I did my stuff...and then got on the mat for my ab/plank time...I hadn't done the plank in over a week...my body was SHAKING...my abs HURT...and my mind told me to GIVE UP...these were my thoughts..."you've done 30 seconds, you're good"..."no one else is joining you right now, so no one is paying attention"..."you're tired and can just stop, at least you did SOME"....WELL...I did the plank...I pushed through it...and before I knew it...I had gone my minute like I was used to. I WANT to go longer...but I gave up... I quit...and I fell to the mat. HOWEVER...I DID it...I DID some...and it was a STRUGGLE. 

To all those out there who WANT this so bad...you CAN do it...it won't be easy...but it will be SO worth it!!! One day at a time...one step in front of another...and you WILL succeed. If I can do this...so can YOU!!!

Thank you to those AMAZING Beachbody COACHES, friends, and family members who inspire me daily...for their quotes, thoughts, and POSITIVE attitudes that keep me going and realizing that even I can push through my negativity and issues!!! Thank you guys...you're AWESOME!!!

I LOVE...and I am Missing... :(

Been having a tough week this week...I've just been in a rut and can't seem to get out...doesn't help that I'm sore and have pulled muscles so I can't DO all the exercise and things I want to, to get RID of this gloom...but oh well...so here I sit today...thinking...

Thinking of my amazing blessings...  

My WONDERFUL husband who comes home everyday from work and loves me...wants to know how I'm doing...wants to help make my day better...and continues to LOVE me even when I'm such a beast and snot to him. He takes care of our family...provides for us...and loves us more then anything. Thank you Ryan...I love you MORE then you know...

 My 3 beautiful children...who even though they drive me NUTS a lot of days...I really wouldn't know what to do without these 3 monsters. They love me when I'm grumpy and have rules...they love me when I'm down and want to help cheer me up...they forgive at a drop of a hat...and have continuous smiles, jokes, and craziness for me!!! I really am blessed...

For the candid moments like these...where they just play together and help each other...and are kind to each other...they're normal siblings...I realize this...but sometimes the arguing, bickering, fighting, whining, and teasing just get SO old...but to see them have moments like this...make it ALL worth it!!! Someday they'll grow out of it...RIGHT!?!?!?! ;)

And for my sweet Klous...who was SO excited to pull these things out of his backpack yesterday after preschool!!! A BIG bookmark for me...with the sweetest, best message EVER...and for the innocence of a child...telling his teacher all these "favorites" about his Mommy...makes me smile and realize that it's the small, simple things that stick out and mean the most to him. I need to remember that more...and take advantage of the "dates" to Maceys with him!!!

But even though I have all that here...and I am MORE then lucky and grateful for all that I have...I have days that I miss things too...I try to be strong, and not show it...because I know my kids miss their cousins and family too...but if I'm complaining about it then it's harder on them too...but today is just one of those days...I miss my mom & dad...maybe it's cuz Mother's Day is this weekend...I don't know...but I would give anything to just have a weekend with them!!!

These two CRAZY, beautiful, loving, kind, helpful, AMAZING parents of mine...what would I be or do without them!?!?! Who knows...but I sure am grateful for all they are...all they do for me...and for their love and concern. Yes I'm 29 years old and have been married for 10 1/2 years...but I still miss my parents...I sure do love them!!!

Missing silly Mommy/sister times like this...

 

Missing my siblings and their CUTE families back there...(Minnesota)... 

My AMAZING brothers who I spent my life growing up with...they teased me...they weren't always nice (and neither was I)...but I miss them...I miss the jokes, the laughing til cereal comes out Andy's nose...they crazy eye looks from Danny...the FUN...I miss them...

And I miss my extended family...the beauty of Minnesota and the fun times I spend with people before they're gone...who knows when my Uncle Sonny or Aunt Marion will pass on...but I'm grateful for all the times I've had to visit with them and be at their farm...hopefully this picture won't be my last!?!?!

And I miss the BEAUTIFUL state of Minnesota...don't know that we'll be back this summer or not...but I miss it...if it wasn't so stinkin' far away...and so expensive to travel...we'd go back...but such is life...

Just had to vent...get my thoughts out...and share with those I love how much I LOVE them...how much I MISS them...and how much I appreciate them!!! There are plenty MORE people back there that I miss...(that I couldn't find pics of)...but I am also truly grateful for all that I DO have and that I get to be with and have around me daily in my life...I truly am blessed...and I really need to focus more on what I DO have...not what I'm "missing" out on...but I LOVE YOU ALL!!! :)

Struggle...Life...and such :)

Ok...well it's been awhile huh!?!?!?! :( I've been slacking at this blogging thing...and yet I STILL have people coming up and telling me..."I found your blog, it's so inspiring"...or "I love how honest you are on your blog...it motivates me"...or whatever it may be...so I guess I better NOT stop writing right!?!?! Because somewhere out there...I'm helping SOMEONE!!!!

Anyways...Life...isn't it grand!!! I've been down the last week...we did a yard sale last weekend and it really wore me out...it was good and we got rid of CRAP but I was so tired and worn out. I didn't get to do Zumba like usual...or do my morning walks...so I was REALLY moody and ornery as I would be when I miss my workouts. (Funny how they help me so much mentally) I've struggled with my thoughts...outlook on myself...my motivation...and so much more...

 I'm putting these random pictures/quotes in here...because I found them on a facebook page of a VERY successful Beachbody coach...and she looks AMAZING and has done SO good for herself health wise...I'd LOVE to reach those goals...so these things help motivate me!!! 

 The last while I've struggled with what others think...I was doing SO good at NOT caring...at NOT wanting to please everyone else...and then BAM...it just hits me again and all of a sudden that matters!?!?! I don't know what the deal is...but I need to pull my head out again. I DO matter...I DO come first...and I CAN change for the better. I always want to include everyone and not have others feel left out...and sometimes I just CAN'T...and that's ok...but I'm not realizing that as much.

Then there are other issues...family...friends...family...and more!!! I just want to help...I just want to be there...I just want to "fix" things to make them better and make them go away for others...and I CAN'T...last night I was down and upset...and Ryan asked what was the matter...I was talking to him and he looked at me and said..."Becki, is it something you have control over?"....NO DANG IT...I don't...but I wish I did...I wish I could. I wish people would just be happy...I wish people would just get along...I wish people could just get over things and move forward instead of dwelling on the past...it's so hard for me to sit back and watch...but really...I don't have any control over it...so it is what it is.

I just keep reminding myself I have an AMAZING hubby...3 healthy, BEAUTIFUL children...a roof over my head...clothes to wear...food to eat...and I should be MORE grateful for what i DO have. Not what I don't or what others have that I can't...life is hard...but it's hard for all of us...we all have our own issues and trials, and none of us really know what the other is going through. So for now...I will keep my chin up...I will continue to push through...I will be happy with what I have...and I will continue with my goals.

I LOVE this last picture...it's awesome!!! I need to get back to being so dedicated and proud of what I'm doing...I have gotten out every morning this week to walk/run my normal track...I went to Zumba last night AND did the weight room...and I RAN more this morning then I have in the last week...I am feeling GREAT today...(sore yes...but GREAT)!!! I am also teaching Zumba tonight for our Young Women at church...so that'll be fun!!! Anyways...I'm still here...I'm still pushing through...each day is a new adventure and start for me at times...but I will NOT give up...I will NOT stop...I will succeed and do what I set out to do!!!

Falling off...and getting back on...AGAIN :)

Ok friends...it's been a LONG time since I've posted...and I can feel it :( I've kinda fallen off the "ambitious" band-wagon...and gotten distracted with life, nice weather, craziness, and ok...just LIFE!!! 

This cartoon made me laugh...

 

I've been trying to figure things out in my head and life again...trying to get the motivation back...the excitement back...and the desire to KEEP GOING back. I've gotten kinda "bored" I guess with Slim in 6...and pretty much just gave up and quit. I finished my goals and program...but then I just stopped. I've been walking/jogging...doing Zumba...and going to the weight room at the Rec Center still...BUT I haven't been consistent daily...and doing what I KNOW works. :( 

I talked to some people at the Rec center and friends who work out also...and honestly got discouraged in a way when they told me again and again that weight loss is 80% DIET...and the rest is exercise and genetics or whatever...

EIGHTY PERCENT....80%....that is what it takes...DIET DIET DIET...EATING EATING EATING...NUTRITION NUTRITION NUTRITION...the biggest struggle I have. I have definitely done BETTER then I would in the past...BUT...I'm not doing as great as I should. 

 

I like to eat...I like my food...and I'm so into the "habits" and "normals" of what my family eats...that I can't seem to stick to something different. I'm just not being STRONG enough...because there are plenty of good options and choices to make...but I just still struggle. I got sick of making 2 meals for my family...one for Ryan/I...and one for the kids....or I got sick of the kids eating noodles or cereal or noodles or cereal EVERY NIGHT...how healthy is that for them!?!?!? So I gave up...I quit AGAIN. :(

Now I've kinda changed my mind set...my sister told me about how a website she found told her that she could lose 70 lbs in a year by just cutting back on her caloric intake...she works a desk job and would do very little exercise...but JUST her diet and eating could help her drop those pounds...

SO...I've got this plan...my body is SORE and TIRED...muscles are screaming at me at times...I like that soreness at times...but it's still hard and hurts...SO...I'm not going to be SO gung-ho and crazy on exercise...but I'm really going to focus on FOOD and my nutrition...I NEED to get that under control. I get bored with blah, bland choices...so any suggestions or recipes would be GREATLY appreciated!!!!

Here we go....AGAIN!!!

Missed workout blues...

Yesterday was a CRAPPY day...woke up grumpy...kids weren't listening...didn't want to go on a walk with me...whining, arguing, bouncing around the house...I was a bit of a BEAST!!! 
I had been sending Ryan some texts and telling him his kids may not make it til the end of the day...and maybe he should consider taking a half day...not thinking he would actually do it...he sent me one back saying..."I'm getting off at 1...be ready to go run or workout or whatever"...Not believing him...or thinking he'd only be home for lunch...I didn't think much of it. 
THEN...he did come home...and for the DAY!!! He sent me on my way to workout and exercise so that I could "CHEER UP" and "GET HAPPY"...he knows that when I miss my workouts or don't get them in...that it takes a toll on my body, mind, and happiness!!!
So I headed over to the hospital track for my walk/jog...yeah right just my WALK...it was sunny and 80 degrees out...I knew I didn't want to be inside...so I started my fast walk...I had my music going...my mind was emptying out the stress and thoughts...and I just had ME time...it was great!!!
I got about half-way around this track (which is 1.5 miles) and decided I'd try running...so I started...giving myself little goals in my head to make it to...first the corner...then the stop light...then the end of the road...then the van...then the corner of the fence...then the end of the soccer fields...then just past the old couple walking together...then to catch up to the other elderly man...by that point I was almost to where I started running...and I just told myself..."there's no point in stopping now...just make it a whole lap"...so I did!!! I, Becki Jones, ran a WHOLE lap around the hospital...yes...1.5 miles...I DID IT!!! ME...who knew!?!?! I finished walking the remainder of it to the van to cool down...but in all...I walked a whole lap AND ran a whole lap...it was AWESOME!!!!!

I CAN do it...I AM worth it...and I WILL push through to succeed!!! I was rejuvenated...happier...stronger...and more grateful for all that I have in my life...an amazing husband...3 healthy, happy, beautiful, not-always-listening-kids...all those who LOVE me and ACCEPT me for who I am...and nothing more!!! I am truly blessed...and truly grateful!!!

When you're feeling down...feeling in the dumps...GET UP...GET OUT...and MOVE...it seriously helps...I know from experience!!!

New shirt...

Well I got this new shirt...and when I filled out the stuff to enter the contest on the Team Beachbody website...(I shared my story and success...trying to win...but I didn't...at least I haven't heard anything back?!?!?!)...I put in that my shirt size was L because I'm getting smaller!!!
Well then this package came and it was my new shirt....yes...a "Slim in 6" shirt!!! Cool huh!!! Except I opened it and it was looking AWFULLY SMALL :( So I just threw it in the pile and thought I'd have to work harder to fit into it still...(must be juniors L????) 
Then Saturday came and I saw it sitting there...I thought...NO I am going to put this on...I'm going to brag about how "SLIM" I've gotten and I'm going to wear it with pride!!! So I did!!! For some of the morning I had a zip-up hoodie on cuz it was cold out...but then I got hot, so I had to take it off...still hesitant and nervous...I debated...but then I just wore my t-shirt...with pride!!!
Here it is...I had to brag and post, because I was proud of myself...

I couldn't have worn this shirt in December...or January...or even February...BUT I'm ok with wearing it now!!! Yes my chest is still on the "large" side...but those are shrinking as well...and I'm able to wear clothes I never thought I would....

So there you go...if I can do it...so can YOU!!! Check out Slim in 6 and get to it!!! It's a GREAT program...GREAT workout...and you LOSE the inches you want while getting slim and trim!!! 
 

And now I have something to show off and "advertise" for Beachbody...and Eric!!!! Cool huh!!!!

Recommit...or uhhhh....I WILL CONTINUE...

So uhhhh...it's been a couple week...and I've been a SLACKER. I mean not completely...BUT...I haven't done as good as I KNOW I should. It's been SO SO SO nice out a lot lately...so I just tell myself..."ok so the walks I did this morning....the gardening I'm doing...the playing with my kids...ALL that will make up for NOT doing my Slim in 6"....SO SO SO NOT the case :( 

I have been going to Zumba Tuesday/Thursday nights...even a couple early mornings in there too...and then after Zumba...a few of us go to the weight room and lift for 30-45 minutes...BUT...I have NOT been keeping up on my Slim in 6 like I wanted to...or like I SHOULD be. :( 

Also...I had my birthday last weekend...and family was in town the week before...and let's just be honest...my eating has REALLY REALLY REALLY slacked...I haven't been doing what I KNOW I should be...and I've been making excuses...

It's terrible, because I see my "old" self in there...and I DON'T like it...I do NOT want to go back to that...and even though Ryan and I talk about it...it's still not changing completely. I'm doing great with my portion sizes...my meal times...but not always so great with my meal CHOICES...or my "GOOD" calories. So...there...I said it...I posted it...I explained it. 

My clothes still fit ok...I can tell I'm not doing TERRIBLE...but yet I'm letting myself down. Regardless of what the excuses...(family, stress, kids, no money, time, WHATEVER...) it doesn't matter...the point is I'm just NOT making it a priority like I did for so many weeks a couple months ago.

Time to hunker down and GET BACK TO IT!!!! I went and spent my birthday money on two CUTE dresses...long, flow-y, somewhat form fitting dresses...ones I could NEVER do or pull off before because I was self-conscious about the "extra rolls" or "muffin tops"...BUT now I feel confident...I feel ok with myself...and although I don't like it COMPLETELY yet...I'm content with it and KNOW I'm working on it and making the changes to reach my goals!!!!

Kinda-sorta like these dresses...but not really...but you get the point!!! They are this style...but not these patterns....

SOOOOOO....now that I have these dresses...they will NOT be ones that I just put on the hanger and leave in the closet...they are MY dresses...MY prizes...MY birthday money well spent...I WILL fit in them good...and I will wear them proudly!!!! You just wait!!! :) :) :) :)

AND....my amazing hubby got me a FABULOUS birthday present and I feel healthy, full and HAPPY having it in my diet again!!!! :) I WILL do this!!!

People....Good, Bad, AND the Ugly...

There are SO many different people in our lives aren't there...this week for me has been FILLED with quite the array of people...the happy, the sad, the good, the kind, the rude, the selfish, the "I'm better then everyone", the angry, the inconsiderate, the ones who continue to bless your life, the "I'll help in ANY way I can", and on and on and on....there are LOTS of people out there...


With all I've opened myself up to...with all I've put out on the line (or online)...with as honest and open as I've been...I'm REALLY surprised with how people are and how they act. I don't know what it is...but I've gotten a whole lot of reactions or responses or comments or whatever. Some of them I have to choose to ignore and move on...and others I just relish and read over and over again to realize that there REALLY are genuinely KIND people out there!!! 


It's hard to find in this world isn't it...people who only want to help...only want to say positive things...only want to lift people up. Instead we find...(and I'm just as guilty of it)...people who are constantly negative...criticizing themselves and others...complaining about anything and everything...trying to make others look worse to lift themselves maybe!?!?!?! I don't know...but I've been thinking about it a lot the last few days...just about the people I have around me. 

And I'm FINALLY starting to realize that I need to be done with some and move on. I need to surround myself with people who lift me up...who are really there to help...who genuinely CARE about me and how I'm doing. 

I don't need the ones who make smart @$$ comments about me or my family or what I may or may not be doing.
I don't need the ones who just by their looks or expressions can show that they really don't care and don't want to hear anything about how I'm REALLY doing.
I don't need the ones who aren't honest with me, or themselves for that matter, because what good does lying do??


I NEED to surround myself with happy, positive, GOOD people who will lift my spirits when I'm having a bad day...who will make me smile when I don't feel like doing it on my own. I need people who love me for who I am and nothing more. 

People who I know I can count on even when I can't see them...like that saying says...friends and people who will talk or help whenever I need it!!!


I just need to think a little more...I am VERY much a people person...but when the people I am around make me angry or bring me down...that's not a good quality to have...I need to surround myself with people who make me the HAPPY BECKI!!!! Is that too much to ask!?!?!

I am honestly SO SO SO incredibly grateful for all the amazing comments that were left on my last post...not all of them were on this blog...but rather on the link I put on facebook...BUT if I could share them all on here I would...they seriously made me cry to realize how much people really DO care about me. THOSE are the people I need to keep around me...THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for all of you...and to the others...buh-bye ;)

Results....but NOT stopping... :)

Well...I haven't blogged in a LONG time :( Things have gotten crazy at home...family was sick for a week...and I've been slacking on this whole diet thing. I do GREAT on the workouts...and always get those in...(at least try)...but the eating part has been REAL hard, because of all that's been going on. I just haven't made it a priority...and I'm paying for it :(

Anyways...I've REALLY debated about posting these pictures, because let's be honest...the starting ones are DISGUSTING...makes me sick really to look at them!!! But for the first time yesterday I put the "before" picture and the "NOW" picture side by side...and I FINALLY realized how much this really HAS worked!!! I knew my clothes were fitting better...and that I had to get new jeans to FIT!!! I knew I was happier and feeling better...but honestly...I wasn't noticing a lot of changes in myself...well my body. I still have my gut that I HATE...and I still have things to work on...BUT this showed me that it IS working!!! I've toned...I've gotten happier...I've started a journey...and I WILL NOT STOP. 

SOOOO....here goes nothing...take a look at how far I've come...people would comment and tell me I look "GREAT"..."You're really getting skinny"...and on and on...but I didn't believe them...I brushed it off...but WOW!!! I really am...so THANK YOU for all those sweet comments...THANK YOU for pushing me and complimenting me!!! 

 

Look how UNHAPPY I look on Jan. 12, 2012...and then how PROUD and HAPPY I am on Mar. 12, 2012!!!! I like the new Becki!!! :) :) :)

So the results and where I'm at now...

Weight starting...196.7

Weight NOW...187.3

Down 9.4 lbs AND 16 3/4 inches!!!! 

I've lost 4 1/2 in. on my waist and 4 1/4 in. on my chest...how can I NOT be proud of that!?!?! Plus more throughout my body... 

Anyways...it CAN be done...I DID it...and I WILL keep going!!! Gotta get my eating/nutrition in order...and I'll be headed down the right road AGAIN!!!!

What a week!!! Whew...

So this week has been a WEEK!!! Let me tell you!!! There has been a LOT of things going on in my little head...and it's caused a lot of issues and moods and feelings and things. Yes my surroundings, or activities, or whatever of each day contributed to it...but it has been QUITE a week. UGH....I've had a LOT of days where I felt like <<<<<<-------------------THAT. Pouting...wanting to just sit and cry...and just having a CRAPPY day....or days.

I was frustrated with myself....frustrated with money (or lack of money)...annoyed with life and how I can't seem to achieve ANY of my goals as quickly as I'd like...or that I wasn't seeing the results I wanted WHEN I wanted. So not only was I pouting and having my own little pity party...but I was WHINING....

Nothing seemed to be working right...nothing was going right...Ryan & I just kept arguing and fighting...the kids wouldn't listen AT ALL to me...they kept whining...(wonder where they learned it from)??? And life was just SUCKY...

Monday was ok...Tuesday got worse and I was LOT more annoyed...things weren't going as I would've liked...and comments were made or looks were given...and I was just UPSET...I worked out...it felt AWESOME...and it was almost enough to get me to move on...but I still had this thought and feeling in my head..... 

Not very nice eh....but that's how I felt. 

I wanted to be ALONE...I didn't want to bother anyone, because that's all I seemed to be doing. So I started to go into my own shell. 

Wednesday it was BEAUTIFUL outside...I took the kids around the track at the hospital...and it felt SO good to sweat off some issues and feelings...they were pooped out...I was pooped out...and it was lunch/naptime...it was GREAT!!! Picnic in the yard...friends to play with...and then NAPS!!! Best time of day right!!! I got my Slim in 6 workout in during naps and I was feeling even better!!!

Then came Thursday...(Tues/Thurs ALWAYS seem to be my struggle days)...and I was in a mood...let me tell you!!! (well really just ask my hubby)...I was NOT happy...I was irritated...annoyed...moody...whiny...and just plain ol' CRABBY...

UGH...

I vented and complained a bit online... :(....You think it'll solve the problems, but really it doesn't, because you just sound like an idiot and whiner!!! So I finally decided the best thing for me to do would be EXERCISE!! Funny how that's one of my first thoughts now instead of chow down on CRAP!!! And let me tell you...that workout...that sweat...that BUTT KICKING dvd is AMAZING!!! It totally rejuvenates me...makes me relax and realize I'm not that terrible...makes me feel like I CAN do something...I CAN accomplish what I want...and I AM worth it!!! Then of course there's Zumba Thursday nights that I just LOVE LOVE LOVE...I can make a total fool of myself, get a workout in, AND have a great time laughing/smiling ALL in ONE HOUR!!! It's great...who could ask for more!?!?!

Anyways...today is a new day...I'm feeling better...I'm feeling like I really don't have that much to complain about...I have an amazing husband who sticks by my side even when I'm a "not nice person"...I have 3 beautiful, healthy kids who love me NO matter what...I have a roof over my head, food to fill my tummy, clothes to cover my shrinking body, and the knowledge that things could be SO SO SO much worse...friends who care and want to cheer me up...people who comment and post on my things and tell me to GET OUT OF YOUR FUNK...(or in different words)...and I have an attitude that I can choose daily...No One else can choose it for me...just ME. So why choose to be grumpy!?!?! It takes a LOT more muscles to frown then it does to smile and laugh!!! So let's LAUGH and SMILE :) :) :) :)

And then there's Eric...who continues to post uplifting, helpful, MUCH needed quotes or thoughts...and this was one I really needed this week. 

 This new DVD of the series I started this week is NOT easy....it kicks my trash every time...but it is SO worth it!!! I feel SO good...am fitting into my clothes better...and people are noticing changes...how can I complain about that!?!?!? It's working...and I WILL KEEP GOING!!!

So let's all choose to SMILE and make this coming weekend/week a better one then the last...I'll do it...who's with me!?!?!?