Thursday, January 6, 2011

Moment of truth...please don't judge...

Alrighty people...this is truly my moment of truth. I've gone back and forth now for a few days about whether or not I would do this. I think I have thick skin...or at least I used to...but the last year or so things have changed and things people say, or how they look at me, or whatever else...doesn't always sit as well as it did in the past. Guess that's where the lack of confidence comes in huh!?!?! 
Anyways...so I've been looking at books, magazines, online...just trying to get ideas of what to eat...where to start...how to exercise...what to do that will work for me and help me get where I want to be. I really enjoy The Biggest Loser...and as harsh as Jillian can be...I love her!! She is a very sweet, knowledgeable person...or so it seems like that from things I've watched and read. So I really like her ideas and suggestions...therefore I did what she said about taking pictures of myself for where I'm starting at, because I want to see these...and in the coming months...and years, be able to look at myself and see how far I got!!!
So here goes...this one is just a dorky one because when I'm hard on myself and tell Ryan how bad I look...this is how I stand and look...he doesn't like it...and really I don't either...but it's "smoothing" things over maybe!?!?! 
Upper body shot...YUCK...double chin...big boobs...bigger tummy...BLAH...
And side view...UGH...it just grosses me out, but it is what it is...and it's going to change.
So...here comes the moment of truth part...I am 27 years old...(will be 28 in March)...I'm 5'8" tall...and my starting weight is....AHHHHHHHHHHHH...can't believe I'm actually posting it...208 lbs. BLAH...YUCK...UGH...:( :( :( :( :(
Please don't judge...please still be my friend and help me through this journey...please!?!?!?
I looked at the BMI calculators...and that says that I'm obese...that is HORRIBLE...never...EVER again...I need to get healthy...I need to make changes in my life. I'm going to...
My goal is to get down to 160 lbs...I would love to be there...don't know when the last time was that I weighed that!?!?! That mean losing 48 lbs...that would be right on the edge of the "normal" area!?!?! So could use to lose more I'm sure...but I'm focusing on that amount for now. We'll see what happens.
Ok friends...thank you for being there for me...thank you for loving me even when I don't love myself...thank you for encouraging me...and thank you for not judging...(at least I'm hoping that's the case)???? Here's to making changes from here on out...January 7, 2010...(my hubby's birthday)...the LAST day I look like these pictures!!!
GO BECKI!! GO BECKI!! GO BECKI!! GO BECKI!! GO BECKI!! GO BECKI!! GO BECKI!! GO BECKI!! GO BECKI!! GO BECKI!! GO BECKI!! GO BECKI!! GO BECKI!! GO BECKI!! GO BECKI!! GO BECKI!! GO BECKI!! GO BECKI!! GO BECKI!! GO BECKI!! GO BECKI!! GO BECKI!! GO BECKI!! GO BECKI!! GO BECKI!! GO BECKI!!

8 comments:

Alison @ mommadidit.blogspot.com said...

I know the feeling! At my heaviest a few months ago, I weighed 100 lbs.more than the day I got married 6 years ago! And I was five months pregnant! I have since lost a little over twelve pounds, but still have about 60 to go. We can be each others cheerleader!

Andrea and Danny said...

Becki, love you so much and am so proud of you! No one is going to judge you for anything. You are great and courageous! Love you! Please don't be hard on your self... you seem to have a wonderful support system. GO BECKI GO BECKI GO BECKI!!!!!
~Andrea

AnnaMarie said...

GO BECKI! Go BECKI! No way are we going to judge you. Don't be down on yourself. You are a fabulous person and I love you very much.

Go forward with your goal to not look like these pictures anymore, but...look at them! Put them on your fridge?

You are really beautiful, no matter what the scale says. You can do it!

Unknown said...

I just have to say that I LOVE that Ryan hates it (and that you hate it) when you say and act like that about yourself...I feel so much sympathy! I think you are amazing!!!

And (don't judge!!!) I LOVE your expression in the first picture....It cracks me up...you kinda have an Oscar the Grouch look on your face.

I'm proud of you for wanting to be healthy! Like I said before...I really recommend "Intuitive Eating" for a good way to have a healthy relationship with food!

Wendy said...

Go Becki!!

Last night at Zumba I had a brief image of what we'll all look like in a few months--it maede me smile. You're on your way there!!

Becki said...

**This is Ryan not Becki :)**
Becki I am so proud of you for the changes that you are making and for all of the efforts that you are making to help you succeed. You have some really good "followers" and they are giving you some really good advice that can and will help you along your journey. As you look back on what you are doing right now you will see some great and amazing changes for yourself but you are also being a great example to everyone that follows your blog. Because you are such a strong person you are going to have a great influence on your followers and you will find that those people will be grateful for the changes that you have helped them to make in their lives as well. Becki I am very proud of you and I love you more today then I ever have in the time that we have known each other. Good luck on your journey and remember that I am here to help and support you along the way.

Mike and Jana Black said...

I too am at my heaviest after this last baby. You're brave to put it out there to the public. You'll do it I know you will your strong. You can learn from all my mistakes. Good luck. Here's to being a big loser!

CaradonandtheBoys! said...

I am very proud of you!! I am going to update my blog right now and put my weight so that is bound to make you feel better! We can both do it girl!! At the end of this year we will look back at these pictures and laugh! Love you!!